son disowned us-update

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lynncats, Jul 21, 2009.

  1. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Hello all. I posted awhile back about our son disowning us. Well, I finally got the nerve to call his father in law, that is where he and his wife live. Wanted to see what he thought about all of it. He said it is sad how they have decided to cut me and my DH out of their lives. Said he would talk to my son and have him call me. Well, my son called me all right, and stated again, that I am selfish, and moody and don't work, that I'm a sloth, and because I smoke a little "weed" he does not want us in their lives along with our only grandchild.

    I asked him if I could send him some info on this DD, and he said "everything that I've heard about this disease and from what someone told him, that this DD is all in my head". Boy I about lost it.

    I said a couple things that I shouldn't have said, but they just came out. Told him that his wife is the one with the problem (she was molested as a child by her own mother), and that maby she needed to talk to a professional. and then I asked him if someone was brainwashing him, He said that is a stupid questions. They are supposed to be a good christian family, and I'm thinking her family has put crap in my son's head. Well needless to say, my DH step in to talk to him (I was shaking like a leaf, and was trying not to cry to hard), and my DH told him, "I no longer have a son, and I guess I don't have a grandchild". Then told him goodbye. Sorry this is so lonng, it is taking me forever to type this, as I can't quit crying, and my mind feels like it is numb.

    Anyone that has read this, thank you so much, I just needed to vent, and this is the best place to do this. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing OK, and that they have the family that we all wish we could have.

    I miss my son more than anything, but right now I am so Pi**ed off I can't think strait. I miss my grandson too, but I've only seen him 2x and that was right after he was born, he is now 10 months old. They won't even send us pictures, they won't send them to ANYONE on my side of the family. SAD, SAD, SAD.

    Take Care.


  2. debilyn

    debilyn New Member

    I'm so very sorry that you're going through this with your son on top of your illness and everything else.

    I don't post often (I read alot because everyone's so much more knowledgeable than me about these DDs), but I have to tell you that I'm praying for you and your family.

    Hang in there,
  3. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Thank you so much. Keeping us in your prayers means alot to me.


  4. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    It sounds to me like they have the problems, not you and DH. Wow, unbelievable and I am so so sorry that you are having to go through this. Is there anyway you can go to court and get visitation rights to see your grandchild. You and DH have every right to be in his/her life and that is so wrong of your son to keep you from him.

    I will also pray that they come to their senses Lynn and again I am so sorry for you.

  5. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Hi. I agree with you, I think they have some issues that need to be worked out. Hopefully, one day they will. Our son and us had a great relationship until he married this gal. As for visitation rights, they do not have them in Fla. Unless, my son and or wife were to die (god forbid), then we could fight the other grandparents over the grandson, not sure if I am saying that right, I hope you get what I'm trying to say. This DD, sure messes with my brain sometimes, LOL. Thank you so much for caring, it means alot to me.


  6. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I remember your first post about this and I was hoping as I was reading this one that your son had come around. How sad that he hasn't. He does sound brainwashed to me. That's such a shame. You have a right to use whatever medication works for you. He and his wife are being ridiculous. My heart really goes out to you for all the suffering they're causing you. I'll keep your family in my prayers and hope that he and his wife see the light. The sooner the better.

  7. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Sure didn't mean to make you think that they came around, but boy that would have been just fine with me. Yea, I truly believe somehow he has been brainwashed and not even aware of it, it just makes me so sad. I've got to keep my chin up though, and focus on my health. Thanks for your reply and thanks for not judging me on my way of helping me through the nights, that is when I smoke a little "weed". It is only at night, to help me relax and to sleep. Take care!!!


  8. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I'm hoping they come to their senses. Sorry to hear of your friend, I know what she is going thru and it is not fun. Thank you so much.

    Take care and HUGS

  9. gongee

    gongee New Member

    I am so sorry you are having to deal with this situation on top of being sick. I can relate as I too have lost contact with one of my sons, the grandchildren and his wife. The hurt is like grieving the lost of a loved one who has passed away but worse as you know they are still here on this earth. My daughter in law and I use to be the best of friends and as soon as I started with fibro and everything that goes with it, it began the ending of our relationship and little by little I saw them deserting me. I miss them so much, especially the
    grandkids. The more I have thought about it the more I realize that it all started when I couldn't do for them as I had been, so I guess I became of no use to them. Sad but true.

    I have two other sons and daughter and laws and I am seeing the same detachment coming with one of them as I write this. This particular son and daughter in law are in the medical field - my son is a doctor and his wife is a Nurse Practitioner - so they know what I go through, but I do not hear from them much anymore nor do I hear about the grand kids. They sure don't mind letting me know what my in laws do for them and the kids and that hurts.
    I had been close with all of my children until a head on car accident that started the Fibro. We did so much together as a family and I miss it so much. I didn't change, but I guess things changed on their part. I pray that they will never have to go through anything like this with their children.

    My youngest son and his wife are super. They come and do things for my husband and I all the time, without ever having to be asked. I am very blessed to have them.

    I will always love all of my children and hope that one day things will be back like it use to be, but for now I have to take care of myself.

    As I finish this up, I am reminded of when my mom was so ill before she passed away and the same sons and their wives did the same thing to her. They always came around when she was giving out money but when she needed them just to talk to, they weren't around. Yes, the youngest son and his wife were here. I am so glad I never treated my mom the way I am being treated. She was a blessing no matter whether she was sick or not.

    I pray that things will change for both of us.

    Take care,

    [This Message was Edited on 07/21/2009]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/21/2009]
  10. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I'm so sorry to hear you going through this with your son and his wife .

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You are a sweet person
    and shouldn't be treated this way. Your son is missing out and he
    is keeping his son from you and your husband and that is not right.

    I too remember when you first posted about this and I had hoped that maybe
    your son would have come back to you.

    vent anytime

    Gentle hugs and prayers, Pansy (susan)
  11. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I am so sorry for what you're going through!!!

    It is very SAD and it is very Sad that your son does not realize what HE is missing out on and his son. No person/grandchild can have too many people in their lives who love them.

    It may take a while for him to realize it - but I hope he does. It's hard to tell you what to do. I think you will go through different phases, of wanting to reach out, of letting alone, of crying...

    I MYSELF am PI$$ED off. I hate hearing things like this! HATE IT. I'm sorry but it sounds like you DIL has a lot of influence.

    I have not gone through this with family so I can't even pretend to understand, but I have gone through a situation with some people who were so ignorant that no matter what I said they were so h*ll bent on their own way of thinking. VERY frustrating and sad.

    In the meantime, please realize that you have done what you can. You have reached out, shown love, been a good Mom. Sometimes people have to realize things on their own.
    Will keep you in my thoughts!

  12. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    I was hoping your situation was getting better or a bit easier. i do know how you feel Lynn.

    Seems like when we make another phone call it just makes us feel worse doesn't it .?.

    i was wondering how well you know the father-in-law? i i think i would be a bit leary of him too since your son is living with him who knows what all is being said.

    Stress can make our Fibro pain much more worse. Your son knows you love him, you two had a great relationship before the dil stepped in.

    It appears your son is against you smoking weed and even if your doctor prescribed you medical MJ, i don't think i would discuss any of it with your son. It seems to be a big concern to your son to use as one more of his excuses for all of this nonsense of you not seeing your grandchild.

    You vent here anytime you need too.
    Most important is to keep away from the stress, a major flare is what you do not need.

  13. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I can't thank you all enough for sharing your stories. I also appreciate you're suggestions and advise. I'm gonna give this my every effort to just worry about my health. I never in this world would think my son/dil would be toxic. But as I've learned more of this DD, the more I know I can't have toxic people in my life. But I can tell you that this is so damn hard for me. Anyway, I wish I could thank you all individually, but my mind is screwy, and I actually have to go have some blood work done, so I'm off to do that. Everyone of you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


  14. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    Gentle hugs , Take special care of yourself, Pansygirl
  15. karynwolfe

    karynwolfe New Member

    I am so, so, so sorry you're going through this. *hugs*
  16. FMsaddenedspirit

    FMsaddenedspirit New Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this with your son, He is being Bull Headed . I know this must be tearing you up inside. And we all know how stress affects us.. Not good at all. I am sorry ,I wish I could say something to ease your mind. Maybe with time he will see the light.

    My Prayers are with you and your family

    Please be good to your self

    Take care .. Soft Huggles

    Spirit ~
  17. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. the road ahead of me and DH is going to be long and hard, but we'll get thru. I'm trying like hell to keep telling myself that my health is more important and that they are the ones missing out, as I have so much love to share. You all have been a blessing to me,


  18. Doober

    Doober New Member

    that you have to deal with this.

    But, I must say that your son is not living up to his standards either from what I am reading.

    To be a true christian is to love, honor and forgive. Family above all should be the most important thing in a christian person's life.

    Christians do NOT banish and dis-own their parents for minor things in this world. He should be more open to you as far as sharing his and his child's life with you. This world has changed dramatically and yet the old ideals and puritanical views are still pounded into people's head based on false pretense.

    So, YOU are not the bad person here. YOU did NOTHING wrong. Reaching out to him is a more christian act than what he is showing.

    You are right, he is being influenced strongly by his wife and her beliefs. This tells me he has a marriage of love from the mind and not the heart. It is a HUGE shame that this is taking away from a very important relationship with your grandchild.

    I hope that your son comes to his senses soon.
  19. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    thank you for responding. I wish I could remember everything he said, but I can't. My damn brain just doeens't work like it should, LOL. But I do know that he did say that just because he is christian doesn't mean he has to do as I wish, which is to have them in my and dh lives. He truly believes that we are bad influences. Well I find that funny, cuz i also smoked a litte "weed" when he was older, and guess what, he graduated with honors, and has never been in trouble with the law, so I guess I did something good in his life. He just doesn't see it that way now, that he has been with his wife and her family, yea, you know, the christian ones. I also mentioned that he could at least send my mom some pictures, but he won't do it, my son is my moms first grandchild, and this is her first great-grandchild, and this is also killing her. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. Thanks again for thinking of us. I hope all is well with you.

    Take Care!!

  20. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    No need to say sorry for playing devil's advocate. I appreciate everyones advise. I truly don't think it is the pot thing, I just don't think my dil likes me, even though we had a good relationship up until the baby was born. I believe her father has something to do with this. He was the one who suggested my son get baptised into the pentecostal church, and then wham, they all quit going to church, so the way I see it, he is the God in the household (my son/dil live with her folks). I know for a fact they quit going, as I got in touch with the pastor of the church they were attending.

    Thanks for praying and for thinking of me.