Son with FMS rejected from mission trip

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cakedec, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. Cakedec

    Cakedec New Member

    My son, 25, became involved with a church a little over a year ago and was active with the single adults group. They started planning for a mission trip to Copper Island in Canada a several months ago and he was very excited about going. He was exercising, losing weight, eating better, etc., it was a real goal for him. He got financial support from friends, relatives, etc., got a passport, took the week off work. Last Sunday he went to the last planning meeting. Then last night the leader of the mission trip called him and told him that he was no longer part of the trip because he did not "gel" or fit in with the group.

    He was devastated and came over to our house very upset about it. He says that it is showing him that he does not "fit in" with church people. It was the same for him growing up in our family church for him. I thought that my prayers had been answered in him finally finding a spiritual home in this new church. Little did I know how it would turn out.

    I'm not sure about all of the details of how exactly they didn't think that he "fit in", but I'm sure that many of you can relate to some of these same feelings and rejections.

  2. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    So sorry for your son. I don't really know what else to say.
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    that is discrimnation in any book....let's see can you sue the church group for it in canada? then is it really worth it?

    or if they offer to open posistion to attend if let's say someone gets ill or drops out, does he still want to go?

    sorry he has such judgemental group of people there from a church group at that...

  4. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Shame on the leader for doing that to him. It almost sounds like a popularity contest and a mission trip should not be that. I pray that the leader will reconsider and allow your son to go. Terri
  5. Jo29

    Jo29 New Member

    I absolutely cannot believe this has happened. I believe that the you or your son should talk to someone (a leader in the congregation) about this.

    I am sure your son still would not want to go, but they need to know what is going on.

    Thank God we are not going to be judged by the people on this earth.

  6. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    It sounds to me as if your son needs to fine a new church
    that practices what it preaches. Either that or make friends with some "secular humanists'. He may be in better company there!!
  7. stagename

    stagename New Member

    i've been on staff in churches most of my life, and i can't imagine doing this to someone or my church doing it to someone. this was a terrible thing to do to someone. please don't blame God or the whole church. it's so easy for one person who really screws up and hurts us for their own [sinful] reassons to taint us towards the rest of God's family. please don't let them have that much power over you.
  8. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I think you gave alot of good advice,
    Who would want to go on a trip with those people anyways!!
    Think of what you son is probably being spared from!!

    I've always said i'm not religious, don't like that word.

    But i have a strong personal faith in Jesus Christ.
    Even being a christian, can mean so many different things anymore.

    I am Christ Won! May your sons relationship with the Lord only grow stronger, may he be full of mercy and compassion on these people who used him.
  9. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Deb,
    I'm so very sorry that your son has been hurt so much.
    I hope he doesn't blame himself, or feel that there's something wrong with him.

    It could be that he is an independent thinker, and some church groups are not acceptiing of people who have initiative. Belonging to that kind of a church group is not a help. Neither is it necessary.

    I'm sure he would have done a good job. I don't know him, but his desire to help people and his dedication in getting ready, show that his heart is in the right place. It doesn't mean that he won't ever fit in with a group. However, if it does, well, great things have never been done by those who "fit in". It could very well be that he has gifts that make others jealous, and so they weed him out, so as not to make themselves have to strive for something greater.

    Please encourage him to keep on striving to do great things. I was a teacher for over 40 years, and I can tell you, that those students who did great things, were certainly not those who "towed the line".

    If he likes to read, there are lots of books about people who have been in his situation and have gone on to make their mark, - and then others want to be like them. There are also movies that are inspiring in that way. Please, oh please, encourage him. Don't let hiim feel bad about himself. He is now old enough to go on and make his own dreams come true. He doesn't need to be in a group to do that.

    If he feel he needs a group from which to draw strength, you can teach him to draw that strength from God within himself.

    Good luck to him, and God bless.

  10. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    when they cannot manage to be kind to people in their own church?Linda
  11. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member


    First I would talk to the Pastor of the church. If that didn't work I would find another church.

    This kind of discrimination is not Christian and I think it gives true Christians a bad name.

    I pray that your son finds a place where God can use him in a mighty way. It looks like your son wants God to use him, and God will.

    Please see this as a message from the Lord that maybe He wants your son somewhere else. God is good, and will use this for His Glory!

    God Bless.
  12. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    I just wanted to say I read your post and am really disappointed by your son's church. Mission work, church groups, etc are not about popularity.

    I agreed with everyone's posts to you. I absolutely think you should write or talk to the pastor asap.

    Take Care
  13. Cakedec

    Cakedec New Member

    I was overwhelmed And appreciative of your caring responses as this has been a very lonely-feeling time for us. I will definitely copy them off for my son to read; as I am sure that they will help encourage him as he heals from this, just as they have helped my husband and myself.

    TO UPDATE THE STORY: I left a phone message for the church pastor who was over the mission trips. He called me back and said that he supported the mission trip leader’s decision (who by the way is also a pastor, so I wasn’t surprised). I asked him if we could have a meeting with him, myself, husband and Matt (recalling the Bible’s model of resolving conflict). He said that as Matt was an independent young adult it would be inappropriate for him to discuss the situation with us, his parents, and refused; however, he said he would be willing to speak with Matt. Before he could hang up on me, I told him that as a church member for many years, I was very disappointed with the way that the church had handled the situation; allowing Matt to raise support and then kicking him out only 2 weeks before the trip. He told me that I was only seeing it from my own perspective and we ended the call.

    When I discussed the the call with my son, he said that he was unwilling to deal further with the pastors. He wanted to put it behind him and go on. We are encouraged that he has met with some friends from that church tonight to see fireworks whom he is going to tell good-bye since he will not be returning to that church. Also, he seems to want to find another church so that his younger brother (who was also attending another class at that church with him) will not stop going altogether, so we are thankful that he is not staying bitter.

    To DNCNFNGRS: Thank you so much for your analysis of the situation. It was so insightful and brought tears to my eyes; we totally concur. I was already considering writing a letter to the pastors; will help my son draft one. Thankfully, the support money he gave them has been returned so now he will be able to give it back and thank tHE supporters. How do you think he should explain as to why he will not be going on the trip? I did understand about what you meant by being in shock since we were, also, at this whole thing.

    HALEYCOLE --thank you for your words of counsel. This is so true, just so painful at the time.

    ADL123 – I think that you are very right—-my son is an independent thinker, a leader, insightful, and gifted, and they may have felt threatened. My other children related the situation to “The Survivor” tv reality show where the best members are voted off so others have advantage. I pray God will help us support and encourage him to develop his heart and talents as you say. Your words will also be shared with Matt. Thank you so very much from both of us.
  14. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    It is all too often that church members are hurt by the very church that is supposed to be a safe and supportive environment. This is very encouraging that your son has chosen to find another church home. That shows spiritual maturity on his part. It also shows that there is something more to the matter by the refusal of the pastor to meet with the family over this matter, and especially the fact that they thought that it shouldn't be discussed with his family. Something smells. It sounds all too familiar, unfortunatly. The pastor is more than willing to gather up a team of supporters to be in this meeting that will uphold his side of the decision, but unwilling to allow your son's family members to attend? This is just ridiculous.
    dncnfngrs - that was a very mature and insightful and most christian reply. Your words are written well. I wish that I had that gift. Well written and beautifully stated!!
    lovethesun - I also agree with what you said very much. it makes you wonder what type of missionary work they intend to do when they cannot even display the love of Christ to a member of their own congregation.
    We had a similar situation happen with my husband on a mission trip. He went, but once he got back and after all of the work that he did, they told him that they didn't think this was "his calling" and that he just didn't seem to be a good fit for missionary work. They did finally agree to a meeting and have since apologized for their behavior. They actually have apologized for quite a few hurtful things that they have done to us both. My husband is a drummer on the praise team, actually was the missions ministry leader at that time, heads up the christian recovery program as a pastor, and many other things that takes time from his life, his family and his job, but does it with the heart of a servant. His reward will come in the end, much as your son's and they will all be held accountable for the things that they have said and done. Please do encourage your son to find another church if he feels that he will no longer be comfortable there. If he has forgiven them already that is great, but if not, then he may have a period of time that he will have to recover. I also was hurt by some of the members of our recovery group. It has taken me a long time to get past that. I still attend the same church because I have not found another one around here where I am "fed" the way that I need to be. I didn't learn from most of them. I just felt like I was being preached at and not taught. Irregardless of what your son chooses to do, just be supportive, and I have no doubt that you will be. He has displayed true christian maturity and it may take him some time to deal with this whole ordeal. It took me several months and I still have moments that it is hard to forgive the way that they made us feel. Irregardless, your son will be led to the right church home where he will probably far surpass the amount of "limited" service that they would have allowed him to do at the former church. I'm certain that God has far greater plans for him anyway.
    I will be praying for him and for your family.