Sooo Mad

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by joannie1, Jan 18, 2003.

  1. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    Sorry have to vent a little here. Most of you know that I have been fighting a terrible migraine here the last few days. I don't usually complain here about my personal life but IF I do not get this off my chest I fear I will explode!! I was down and out completely yesterday with pain shots and meds. I slept most of the day due to them. Last night my father in law calls and Jeff says I am battling a migraine. He calls back and says he and my MIL seen on TV that they are using heart meds for them to relieve them. Jeff is rude and says well, i couldn't tell you I don't get headaches. Slamming on me of course, seems like his favorite thing to do these days. I take a vicodin and a prova, the headache is coming back. it knocks me out. I wake up this morning with the pain in my head. Come out into what I call tornado land!!! OH MY GOOD GOLLY!!! I wanted to just die my house has been turned upside down you guys. I have a facet that is dripping, has been for months although I bought new rings he is too damb lazy to change them. Our youngest and a little monster to say the least turned the facet to the back of the sink and it filled my entire counter top. Of course it dripped all night and I have water all over and on the floor. He had also went into the bathroom and destroyed that. I am so upset. Where in the heck was he last night!! He does not help me a lick around here. All I ever here is your home all day my house should be spotless and food should be on the table. I am just lazy is all he says. If I am not going to work at least his house could be cleaned. Always a money issue too. He bings home a paycheck I don't. He doesn't stop to realize it was me and MY money that got us to where we are right now. I was the one who wrote out the $48,000.00 check with MY money to pay this house off NOT him or his money but mine.. I am so sick to death of being treated like crap because I am not working and don't bring home any money anymore. I hide all my pain from him and the kids. I don't talk about it because he just ignores me anyways. And this is the thanks I get when it is something that is so bad that I can't hide it. I come here because it is the only place I have it seems and I just want to bawl my head off right now. My head is pounding still from the migraine but i have to clean before I can relieve this pain. Life really sucks somedays.
    Thanks for listening.
    Joannie
  2. Fairyeyes

    Fairyeyes New Member

    that you are having a bad time. I hope things start looking up for you.
  3. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    If only I could send little fairies to come clean your house..(and mine too!)

    I hear ya, husbands can be completely insensitive. What's worse is our illness won't just go away...so trying to deal with them and this illness on a daily basis is exhausting and sad.

    I have to give you praise....having a little one running around, to be responsible for all he does and the energy it takes to provide him with what he needs is draining to say the least (but worth it!). My kids our in Jr.high and high school and I have a hard time keeping up with that..

    Huggs to you. I DO understand. By the way if you are in the USA...have you tried Maxalt?? It's much cheaper than imatrex
    for migraines and works great, they even have it in sublingual form (under the tongue) for quick absorbtion. My sister and I both have had great luck with it.

    Remember: I know it's hard to stand up for yourself when you don't feel good, beleive me, I am right there with you. But you shouldn't keep all your pain to yourself either. Let him KNOW how you feel whether he likes it or NOT!

    I just went thru the same thing with my husband, didn't even tell him right away I needed surgery again next week...because I'm tired of hearing "again?" Resentment will just grow higher. I finally sat mine down and put it all on the line. I hope things get better for you soon.

    P.S...R/E: The overflowing sink...I have some "Rubber Duckies" I could send your way...LOL!!!

    Hugs,
    Susan B.
  4. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    Thanks for the caring words of comfort. I really appreciate it. I survived the mess and made them clean most of the mess up themselves. I ignored the other half and was as insensative to him as he is to me. He didn't like it much either but turn about is fair play is how I see it. Men do not realize that women have a tendency to remember everything.
    Thanks susan for all the helpful hints. I think we have found what it will take next time to kick one of these again. I will remember about that pill though. I am so bruised from the two shots to the toosh it took to get rid of it though. No force or anything was used to give them but boy am I bruised. And if Joseph had those little ducky''s you have oh good golly he'd flood my house probably:) my little angel with horns he is.
    Thanks all.
    Joannie
  5. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    Your situation is so similair to mine, not even a few months ago, it was like that.

    I gotta say stick in there, its so hard right now for you, I know. I wish I could be there to talk it out with you right now.

    My husband did the same thing, comments, put downs on not working, or being able to take of the house.

    Hiding all the emotional pain from the kids and him, its not good to do. Let it out, tell him how it is, what you are feeling, what he says is hurting you.

    When he says he brings home all the money, tell him you are doing the best you can, and thats all one can do, ask for.
    Tell him a marriage, relationship is a together thing, a Us, that what is his is mine, whats mine is yours, its about sharing loving, kindness and understanding. And hey say it really loud to him too. If he ignores you, stand in front of him.

    Say it many times. As much as you have to, to get it through his thick skull.

    My husband came around when he was hurt at work, and he has been off work on workers comp since last april. Oh man!! Its something.. He used to say I wish I could spend more time with our boys, we have a 10,12 and 16 yr old. That he would love to play Mr. Mom. OK... Well he got that chance with being off that long, and guess what? Not easy as he thought it was going to be. With him in pain, off work, not bringing a big income in anymore, well he got to take just a little walk in the shoes I been walking in for the last 2 years. It brought more understanding. He finally shut the heck up with the put downs.

    I truly hope things get better for you sweetie!

    Sunshyne
  6. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    That what he is doing to you, its emotional abuse. Its actually grounds for a divorce.


    Tell him that too.

  7. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I sympathis with you with your husband not being supportive.
    My husband is understanding about how ill I am. He gets
    that but he still barely helped around the house which always upset me. I finally started writing down exactly
    how I felt in a letter to him and that really woke him up.
    Its hard to ignore it then when its right in front of them
    on paper. I do this everytime I get really upset about
    something and it really is a stress reliever also and the
    husbands "get it" easier telling them that way.

    The other thing I would suggest is to have him come to this site and read some of the posts. Its a real eye-opener
    for people that don`t have this illness. They see how hard
    it is for all of us that have this.

    Take care,
    Sandyz
  8. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I have to agree with Sunshyne on this one. I lived with the same stuff you are hearing for too many years. I didn't have a dx back then, but I was slowly developing the symptoms to gradual onset CFIDS and FM.

    It wasn't until he left me that I realized that what he was saying to me was emotional abuse. Actually, I realized it sometimes when it was really bad, but I believed in my marriage and that it would get better if we would go to counseling. Instead he was planning all the time to leave me.

    I'm not saying your situation will turn out like mine, but it does have the potential unless there are some changes made. Keeping your feelings to yourself is not helping you or making the situation any better. I would really suggest that you get some counseling. If your hubby will go along that's great. If he won't, go alone. It's the least you can do for yourself.

    Good luck. YOu will find you have a lot of support for your situation here on the board.

    Barbara

  9. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Just a quick note here on my MIL. She has had severe migraines for many years. Hers would get so bad that sometimes she would barf, and other times she would hole up in a dark, quiet room for up to 2 days at a time. She got these bad headaches on a weekly basis. I don't know how she has survived all these years. But I digress.....her doctor told her to take a baby aspirin every morning for her heart, so she did what he said. Every since she's been taking the aspirin, she has NOT had a migraine. She knows it's the aspirin that is doing it. It's like a miracle to her, and maybe this would work for you too? Once you get rid of the migraines, you can get rested up, build up your strength, put on some steel-toed boots, and plant in where the sun don't shine on that man!

    Marilyn :)
  10. CAgirl

    CAgirl New Member

    My husband sounds just like yours. I have been sick everyday with the FM and headaches (migraines) for the last nine years. Just in the last six months he has decided that I'm not faking. I hear about it all the time, about how we can't afford to buy a house because I'm not working, and why can't I keep the house clean and on and on since I'm home all day. Like I want to be here. I would love to rejoin the world and find a job I love. I would pay someone to clean my house.
    The thing that really gets me is that when I see doctors and I tell them how bad the pain is and how much it is impacting my life they don't get it.
    How did you finally get rid of your migraine? If you would like to you can e-mail me at laurashaver@comcast.net.
  11. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    I really appreciate it. I am so glad that i have this place to come to. I think I cured him for the time being anyways. I turned the tables on him Saturday and Sunday. I was rude and nasty to him too. You know the old saying if Momma ain't happy aint nobody happy? I at least got a new faucet out of it yesterday. :) hee hee.
    Thanks everyone and big hugs to all.
    Joannie
  12. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Joannie~~I am sorry you feel so bad and for the disharmony between you and your husband. Our chronic illnesses take a toll on us, our children, our mates, our finances, and lifestyle. I don't believe there is any part of our lives and the lives of those around us that our ailments don't affect.

    Being called "lazy", other hurtful words, and given sarcastic attitudes on a routine basis IS emotional and psychological abuse. It is damaging to the Spirit, the household environment, and children. Your child may well be acting out the descension he feels between you and your husband. And until a solid and consistent understanding is reached between the two of you, you will find that this abuse will continue to cycle back around.

    Though my man tries to understand my illnesses, he doesn't understand that I need help with the household chores and responsibilities of life. I work three days a week, and we could not make it without my paycheck. We have lived together for six years, and prior to that he had gotten himself so in debt that I have been supporting us on the homefront so he could try and get caught up on his bills. However, the bills won, and he is in the process of filing bankruptcy.

    I told him about my FM/CFS, osteo/psoriatic/rheumatoid arthritis, and severe asthma/allergies before he moved in. However, he constantly bitches about the house not always being cleaned up, yet he does nothing to help me, and he is messy. Then, two years ago I was diagnosed with advanced degenerative disc disease with multiple back problems which makes it very difficult for me to do alot of the household chores. Last week, I was diagnosed with nerve damage from the top of my neck, down through my spine, to my feet. And, he still doesn't get it that I need him to help me with the physical labor around the house...but he sure knows how to complain about the house.

    Such as I did, I would encourage you to sit down and ask your husband what all is bothering him, what his complaints are, what his needs are, what solutions/compromises he has to offer, and listen to him. Then, tell him how you feel, what your complaints and needs are, how it affects you and your relationship when he calls you names and says derogatory things to you, and offer solutions and/or compromises that you feel might help. See if he would consider a couple of sessions of marital counseling. Since I did this with my man, things are gradually improving, but no overnight miracles.

    Because receiving negative backlash and dishing out negative feedback in return doesn't yield the long-term positive results you are looking for.

    If he is unwilling to negotiate, compromise, help out, or go to marital counseling, and the emotional/psychological abuse continues to cycle back around--it will give you a good idea of where you, your husband, and your marriage stand. But whatever you do, never allow yourself to be abused in any form. It is toxic to the Soul, puts too much stress on our health, and is morally degrading.

    I hope you are feeling better, and that you and your husband can resolve your differences and improve your relationship. I send you Best Wishes and a Comforting Hug. Carol....
  13. kimstar

    kimstar New Member

    It breaks my heart to hear what you are going through. Have you thought of filing for Social Security benefits? it can take a while, but when you receive it, you will have an income - which gives you power and independence. Most attorneys will take a S.S. case on a contingency basis (they don't get paid until you receive your settlement.) Good luck