Soooooooo DEPRESSED today.... PLEASE HELP....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Francey54, Sep 17, 2005.

  1. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    Hi Everyone:

    Today is a very sad and depressing day for me. I know there is a board for Alzheimers but since all of you have been so helpful and understanding, I had to just come to my friends and pour my heart out.

    My mom 88 and dad 90 both have Alzheimers. This Is a double whammy! They are in a lovely Rest Home here on the island. They are very well cared for and I know to the extent possible they are happy. Dad is at the stage where he just stares, not much talking.

    However, mom everytime I go see her lately which I try to do at least three times a week, she gets so irrational and delusional. We have always been very close since I am an only child but she has become totally obsessed with me.

    The minute I walk in she immediately hugs me and says thank God you are alive and starts to cry! I dreamt you were dead, that your husband killed you!!! I try to calm her and tell her mom, you know John is a good man and would never hurt me (eventhough he doesn't understand my illnesses and support there is minimal but thats another story) we have been married 30 years and he had always been good to you and dad too. She doesn't believe me and says let me look at you, do you have any marks on your body or face, if he does something to you I am going to call the police.

    I know that it is the Alzheimers talking and not her but it breaks my heart to think that she has this irrational delusion in her mind and it makes her suffer needlessly. The docs there tell me that she is terrified that something will happen to me and that she has concocted this scenario in her mind. She doesn't understand my explanation and will only get worse. It is so unfair for her, such a wonderful vibrant woman reduced to this. Alzheimers is the worst thing I have ever witnessed.

    What can I do? I am so torn up and depressed that when I come home after seeing her I just sit down and cry and cry. God please help her.

    Thank you for listening to me go on and on today. I just needed to talk to you and get this off my chest or I would have exploded with grief!!

    God Bless all of you for being here for me when I need it, just as I will always be here for you when you need words of comfort and hugs too.

    Love, your friend
    Francey



  2. Bronagh

    Bronagh New Member


    Hi Francie,

    I've just read your post, i can only imagine how difficult your situation is, looking at your parents at this stage and the fact that you are an only child.

    My Mother died suddenly 8 years ago, i was heartbroken and to be honest i have not got over it, dont think i ever will.

    I should be grateful that she went quick, i dont know if i could cope with your situation.

    All i can offer you is a prayer and will keep you in my thoughts.

    I know more members will come along to give you better support, please remember my thoughts and prayers are with you.

    God bless.

    (((((((BIG HUG)))))))) Bronagh.
  3. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    I have never had a friend or relative with this awful disease. I can only imagine what you must go through. My heart cries for you. Have you thought of joining a support group or message board for caregivers of Alzheimers patients? You are in my prayers and thoughts.

    Years ago I worked in nursing homes as assistant to Occupational therapists. There was a husband and wife in one nursing home. They both were in their eighties and both suffered with severe dementia to the point of not knowing each other anymore. They didn't know they were married. When they came to the therapy room they were at opposit sides of the room. The gentleman kept watching his 'wife' and making soft comments to us of how pretty she was and that he wanted to meet her. His wife on the other hand would continuously ask us if she could stand next to "that very handsome man over there." Many times we had tears in our eyes as we watched. They still loved each other even though they forgot who the other was. True love indeed.
  4. BLUEROSE7

    BLUEROSE7 New Member

    Oh me Francey, I just dont know what to say here...Having to watch your parents go through this is heart breaking I know..

    We have a friend of the family who has Alzheimers and it's terriable to watch and see them go through this.

    I just want you to know you and your parents will be in my thoughts and Prayers...Please take care of yourself.

    (((((((HUGS)))))))
    Bluerose
  5. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I can't even begin to understand the torment that you must be going through; however, my warms wishes and prayers are with you as you try to find help. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you could talk with, or perhaps other close family? I would think if you did that they would be very helpful in all this. We are here for you . . .

    L, Jeannette
  6. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    Francey, my heart aches for you and the challenges and sadness you live with on a daily basis. I will be praying for strength and comfort for you.

    We recently put my 74-year-old father in a nursing home and it was without a doubt one of the toughest things I have done. He has Parkinson's, end-stage, and physically got to the point that he needed 24/7 nursing care. Since admitting him to the nursing home, the Parkinson's has quickly advanced and is now affecting his brain and cognitive thinking as well. He still knows who we are, thank God, but he is now having delusions and nightmares about things that he believes have happened to one of us. He insisted that my mother call me the other day because he was afraid that I would miss my 4:00 meeting with my bail bondsman!! It's easy for us to laugh that kind of stuff off as silly but when you see how adamant he is, it's heartbreaking. I was visiting him last night and he whispered to me ..."You are aware that your mother has a boyfriend, aren't you?" and he looked so sad and upset. He's convinced she's sleeping with someone else. I tried to convince him that his damn disease is affecting his brain and that none of those wild things are true, but then he looked even sadder. The Parkinson's is taking him one inch, one body cell, at a time ... it's a cruel death. Dad's physical issues are catching up with him as well, and we have been told he has only a few weeks left at best. I would do anything to make his last days on earth as anxiety-free as possible for him ... it's such a helpless feeling to know I can't. I'm sure you know that same feeling all too well, Francey.

    I wish you well, please take care of yourself. May God bless you and your parents.

    Hugs,
    Kat
  7. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    Hi Francey,

    I am so sorry about your parents. Dealing with Alzheimers is one of the hardest things families have to face. As a nurse, I have seen many patients like your Mom and Dad.

    There is support from the Alzheimers Society and other similar groups. I urge you to try to find something in your area. There are things you can learn about how to approach a person with Alzheimers. Also,it just helps to know people in the same situation.

    You will be on our prayer list and you know that we are in your corner, sending you positive thoughts.

    Hang in there.

    Kathy.

  8. rileyearl

    rileyearl New Member

    I'm so sorry your parents have Alzheimers. How unfair to have lived so long and to have to miss the ending.

    It's horrible to think your mom is worrying about you being hurt, but on the other hand, she still recognizes you. And that's a great thing.

    I wish there were some way for you to enjoy hearing her voice without discerning the words. But, no magic here--just good thoughts for you.

    Take care!

    Francie
  9. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

    If I were there with you right now I would hold you in my arms and cry with you!! I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling at this very difficult time in your life.

    I have read the wonderful words posted by the sweet people above and I don't know what I could add to them to help easy your pain. But just close your eyes right now... take a deep breath and just soak in all the love and prayers that are coming your way today.

    Nine years ago tomorrow, Sept. 18th, I lost my mother.... and I still ache for her (and my Dad & Sister too). I watched my sister and mother both suffer much before they passed away... thankfully my father passed quickly.

    I know how much it hurts your heart to watch the people you love so dearly, suffer so much. But this one thing I know is true Dearest Francey... I can always curl up in the lap of my Heavenly Father, place my head on His chest and pour out my tears to Him.... know this Francey, He truely understands the language of tears!

    No one can take the pain away like God can... no one can comfort you like He can... no one can give you the sweet relief from an aching heart like He can. So I would encourage you tonight to find a quiet place and talk to Him... tell Him of all your pain... give Him your tears, let them freely flow into His hands... and give Him all your fears about tomorrow for He cares for every little detail of your life!! You will be amazed at how much He wants to bless your hurting heart! Remember that when we are at our weakest, thats when He shows us His strength to make it through!

    I know this to be true Francey... He does it for me all the time!

    Now I hope this post has not offended anyone... I know that when it comes to religion, well some people just get offended. But this is not a time to take on offenses... but rather this is a time to reach out to the hurting heart of another soul and just say... "Hey, you are gonnna make it through this!! This is what helped me make it through...leaning on Someone greater than myself!"

    Love and great blessings of comfort to you Francey!

    CarolK

  10. JPach007

    JPach007 New Member

    Francey,
    I cant say I know how you feel, because I dont. But I can tell you that life doesnt always seem fair.

    I slowly watched my Mother die of cancer for 4 years. I was 16, and an only child. Then 6 years later my Father died of cancer in what seemed to be a matter of 2 days. I was with them both as they passed on, and at times I wondered how God could let such good people suffer like that. I stopped going to church for a long time. I have made my peace with their deaths now, just knowing they are in a happy place without pain and suffering.

    God has a plan for everyone, and many times we may not understand his ways, but we can rest assured he will do whats best for all of us at the end.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. I will pray for you and your family.

    JPach
  11. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    My dear loving friends:

    I am so overwhelmed with all the words of comfort, support and loving HUGS that you have sent me today. So much caring comes from everyone of you that I just don't know what to say. I am so glad that God lead me to this site.

    I want you to know that each and everyone of you who have answered me or just read my post, are very special souls. I think that we have all been sent to this site because not only do we suffer from FM and/or CFS but we are loving caring compassionate people. I don't know if it has been our lifes traumas and illnesses that have made us this way or we were this way and our traumas and illnesses have made us express it more.

    This coming together to share our pain, sorrows, hurts and happiness is a gift from God to all of us. Despite the daily task of just making it through the day, we come on line and share our lives. What could be more rewarding than that?

    I know that the road ahead of me will not be easy as my tasks are many, but so are many of yours. I thank you for your prayers and concern for me and my parents.

    May God Bless you and keep you in his loving arms.

    Much love and soft hugs,
    Francey

    PS......Sorry I didn't get back to all of you sooner tonight but as soon as I wrote this and my husband saw how distressed I was, to my utter suprise he said to me "Get dressed you need to get out". So we went to eat at Chili's then to a movie. Miracles do happen.... this was one that really helped.

    Good night and have a peaceful and restful sleep.
  12. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    with my mother. She was in a nursing home for 6 years and had dementia really badly near the end. She was blind, had TIA's and ended up not knowing who I was. It is so sad to see them like that.

    Mom died in 1994. She got pneumonia and never fully recovered. She's in a better place now.

    Well if I don't get to sleep soon, I won't be able to get up tomorrow.

    Big hugs,
    Faye
  13. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    Dear Faye:

    You are so right when you say your mom is in a better place. After going through what she went through knowing that she no longer was suffering had to be a relief for you.

    That is all I ask of God that my mom and dad don't suffer so much but that is something I can not control no matter how much I wish I could. We all have a reason for going through what we go through its just that it is so hard and so sad to see loved ones in such conditions.

    God Bless.

    Hugs,
    Francey
  14. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    Dearest Francey,

    I just re-read your profile and you have so many physical problems. My heart aches for you! Having both parents "lost" to you has to be heartbreaking. I wish there was a way we could help you.

    You DH was wonderful to you with Chili's and the movies. Thank the Lord above that he cares that much for you to feel your hurt too.

    I lost my dad suddenly when I was 33 and lost my mother to cancer when I was 46. i am an only child and I do realize what you are going through in a way. They are gone. There is no one to ask about the past, no mom or dad to comfort you.

    It doesn't hurt to cry - crying helps the pain deep in your heart for a little while.

    Do you have anyone else that can help you just a little - is there a support group anywhere near you?

    Listen to your music!! I love Southern Gospel and it soothes me when things get rough. Maybe it can take your mind off of your hurt for a bit.

    We all love you and hurt for you.

    May the Lord Bless you and keep you,
    May the Lord make His face to shine upon you
    And give you peace!

    Love and Gentle Hugs

    Joan
  15. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Francey,

    I am so sorry that your parents have this awful disease and you have to watch them go downhill.

    Years ago, I used to see my mother coming home from the nursing home, crying. This would be after a visit with her mother who also had Alzheimers.

    She would go through the same thing you described. It would break her heart. She said she always cried all the way home.

    She would tell me that she had to remind herself that her "mother" died years ago--that the lady she was visiting was NOT her true mother--she was there physically, but her true spirit left when she got ill.

    It was so tragic to watch my mother grieve over the loss of her mother and to watch my grandmother, who was the kindest, most gentle, loving person ever -- scream, throw forks at the nursing home personnel, say curse words -- I had to agree with my mother -- this woman was not my real grandmother.

    I wish you the courage and the strength to handle what life gives you on a daily basis to see your dear parents to the end of their journey on earth.

    Hugs,
    Janet
  16. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I went through this too and it is not easy. I lost my Mom of cancer in 1970, she was 36 and I was 17. Then lost my baby brother to cancer in 1995, he was 38 and I was 42.

    And, my Dad remarried and lived to be 73. He was in a nursing home for the last year of his life. He died in Aug of 2002. He had Alzheimers and Parkinsons. His short term memory was shot.

    Most of the time he didn't know who I was but I could tell instantly when he did know who I was cause when he'd see me coming, I could hear him say, that girl looks like my daughter. And I'd get closer and he'd giggle and say oh, it is. I loved those days. But even on those days, I'd cry all the way home. It took its toll on me. That is when I started with all my illnesses. My Dr believes this to be true too.

    But, anyway, what my Stepmom and I did was take turns going up at lunchtime every other day. My Dad was getting where he wouldn't eat unless one of us was there.

    Hang in there, this is truly one of the most painful things in life for us to go through. I wish you some peaceful days to relax and take care of yourself. And cry when you need to, it releases the stress.

    Hugs to you

    Take care.

    bozey

  17. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. We have this dreadful disease in my family - I had a Great Grandmother that passed last year that suffered for many years with Alzheimers and my husbands Grandmother has it now. She still lives at home with her husband and it is very difficult.

    I feel your pain. It is hard because you have to hold a conversation based in the world that they feel they are living at that time because there is no way to convince them that what they feel is wrong. You will need much love and patients and know that even though you are looking @ your parents bodies it is not their minds.

    I wish you well and hope that you and your sister will be a great support system for each other.

    Kelly
  18. BxGirl

    BxGirl New Member

    I am so sorry for all that you've been through. My mother is 84 and now has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Even though her mind is intact, she physically cannot do too much. It's so hard to see our parents, once active and healthy, have physical and/or mental difficulties.

    I think we are all of the age when we see our parents age. My father passed away last November and my mother moved here from Florida to live in a senior apartment building. I love her so much and hate it that she's got these physical problems. I get very depressed thinking of her not being here one day.

    All I can say is that my heart goes out to you. You are a wonderful daughter and are doing all you can. I don't know what else to say. My husband's grandmother had Alzheimer's and I know it was very hard on my mother-in-law. She too is an only child so most of the burden was on her.

    I pray that you have the strength to be the devoted daugher that you are!!!!

    BxGirl
  19. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    To all the rest of my friends that have answered:

    Thank you all for your stories and words of comfort. I can see that many of you too have had some experience with this DD with either your parents, grandparents or in-laws.

    Some of you have asked if I have any other family to help me or a support group to go to. Unfortunately, if you read my bio you will see that I am from New York but left 3-1/2 years ago to move to the Caribbean. By doing this I came down here with my husband and my parents only (my doggies are "Caribbean Queens" that I found roaming the streets). All other family and friends are in New York and Florida. So I am pretty much alone. These islands are very small and services are limited. I have looked around to see if there is any kind of support groups for Alzheimers, FM/CFS and have not found none.

    You are all I have to share with and I thank God that I do have all of you, so it helps me to write. I always feel better after writting and then reading your inspiring posts makes my day.

    Bless you all and I always pray that we can all feel so much better, physically and emotionally some day.

    Love and many hugs,
    Francey

    PS: JOAN, I do listen to alot of music especially soft instrumental: harp, guitar, piano and do like Gospel too. These do wonders to relax me.



    [This Message was Edited on 09/19/2005]