spouse of depressed person

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fairyrose, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. fairyrose

    fairyrose New Member

    How do other people cope with living with a chronicly depressed person? It is overwhelming (and depressing) me!
  2. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    Well speaking from the other side, I have been dx with that for many years.
    (edited to remove descriptive content)

    I cry all the time-I hide it from others so they won't know

    I cry at dog food commercials

    I cry driving to work

    I cry for no reason

    I cry

    The main thing is the feeling of aloneness, of dispair, of not being able to go on one more second.

    Is that selfish of me to feel this way- probably

    Can I help it-no

    Do I wish it would go away-absolutely

    What I want from others-I don't know

    Just be there for your loved one, show them you love them, hug them for no reason. Bring a flower in and show them the beauty. Make them laugh-be silly-it might help who knows-can't hurt right.

    I hope some of this helped.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I hope you really believe that you are not the cause of the depression. Some people seem to have trouble w/ that.

    You can remind him to take his pills and keep his dr. appointments, but at the same time you don't want to be a nag.

    You need time for yourself. To visit friends or go to lunch or see a movie or whatever.

    Has he read "Feeling Good" by David Burns? Very popular book on fighting depression. You can suggest it, but you can't make him read it.

    I know I'm difficult to live w/. Some days I can't stand myself.
  4. fairyrose

    fairyrose New Member

    This is a reply to both of you who answered me. I know you (he) can't help how he feels. He has told me what it feels like and it seems unbearable for him,,,I know this too. And I know he does not want me to be unhappy, It just makes him feel bad about himself as well as bad generally..

    I no longer feel it is my fault although he hid the depression from me even before we were married (20 yrs ago) until he couldn't hide it (6 yrs). By hide it I mean he was: in a bad mood, or bad day at work, or tired, or didnt feel well, or mad at me , or....YOu get the picture. I was always trying to "happy him up" which was pretty irritating to him.

    But now that I know it is chronic depression, I feel pretty hopeless because I can not change anything or make him happy or make things better...this is how his life is and I share his life. We can not be happy together because he can not be happy. I want to share with him the joy I feel about things but he just can't do it and he tries. I know I am blessed to be able to feel such joy and I am thankful for it but I am so lonely too. I think I might be in the wrong forum...I have never done this before. I don't want to make anyone who is depressed feel bad i just thought maybe there was someone who knew how I felt. Hopeless because I can not change this...I share his world of depression, as does his (our) children who have inheirited it. Thankyou for listening to me
  5. Ci-Ci

    Ci-Ci New Member

    Please consider reading "How You Can Survive When They're Depressed" by Anne Sheffield. My husband has been depressed for several years and this book has been a Godsend. Anne Sheffield also has a website at http://depressionfallout.com
  6. azbubba

    azbubba New Member

    I was married to someone with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which is a major depressive disorder. Won't go into all that entails, but if you google BPD you'll find enough info to explain better than I can.

    I found a local support group (<a href="http://www.nami.org">NAMI</a>) that helped me tremendously. The demands placed on you, a family member of someone with a mental illness, are greater and more complex than most really understand.

    Hope this helps.
    Bubba