spouse problem

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by darvick, Feb 18, 2006.

  1. darvick

    darvick New Member

    HI all has anyone, had good days and someone say , boy your doing great for someone disabled??? well my spouse and I went to the beach yesterday(florida) I have been walking for a few months now and have worked my way up to a block or so, start off slow and try to push myself by walking a little faster. To make a long story short. ..
    I asked for spouse to walk with me /they have bad back and prob.. so they said no. I start walking , and to not focous on the pain i block out everything but the waves.
    Well spouse change there mind and got angry cause i didnt hear her. I did hear some noises, but there were kids around so i thought it was me.
    We had only been there about15 min, when i turned around she was packing up, and said ,,boy for a disabled person you can sure walk ,,,I also pay for it, cause I have to go lay down and not do much the next day. I also worked my way to walking for months, I used to go to the mailbox and thats it, So I think I've been doing ok. I know this is kinda long sorry. I told her everything i've said here, took a few mins of arguing . I know my fogginess and forgetfullness,pain, and not paying attention sometimes , gets very tiring for her, I also understand she works so hard to support me, she is frustraed,, I KNOW how much its my body and mind. Dont think we would split up cause weve been through hell and back together, and I just get fed up sometimes, Damned if you feel good, for a day , duh, and told your lazy if your having a bad one. THIS DD SUCKS
    sorry about the lang, but geeze what is a person to do.
    Hugs
    Dar
  2. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    my name is Claudia.
    I understand how you feel.
    My husband is pretty good about understanding, but other's are not ( friends, and family don't "get" it).
    One thing I have learned is this condition is like losing a family member.
    We have "lost" part of ourselves. We need to grieve that loss.
    Our families need to as well , even if they don't realise it.
    Part of the phases of grief, are anger and denial. I think if we are not careful we can get stuck there.
    Maybe your spouse is stuck in one or both and doesn't even realise it.
    Maybe counseling or a support system for your spouse would help.
    My husband found support on WellSpouse.org.
    Just a thought I hope it helps.
    Hang in there , remember stress is not good for you!:)
    Try to do what you can to be positive and hopefully it will rub off on those around you.:)
    I try everyday, but don't always succeed myself.:)
    We have to keep on keepin on!
    My faith and my pet's are a big help to me.
    Take care.
    Claudia
    [This Message was Edited on 02/19/2006]
  3. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    Hi,
    sorry you are having trouble. I know sometimes family gets so very tired of our illnesses. Maybe you could do something nice for her to let her know you care and understand. Maybe a box of her favorite chocolates, or rent a movie she loves and sit and watch it with her. Little things like that mean a lot!
    well good luck to you and I am sure you can patch it up with her!
    Kelly
  4. darvick

    darvick New Member

    My dog pulls me when i get tired,,, thanks for the support, thank god we have good communication, When I can walk i am very positive and will do a special back rub tonight :) U r right , tho it get very tiring to frieds etc
    got to focus on something else, maybe if i start now i can finish knitting those scarves for xmas for my family up north.
    Hugs
    Dar
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    We all have these days when one thing leads to another, and this was probably the case. Pain making everyone irritable is sounds like.

    There used to be a song "We Always Hurt the One we Love"

    Anyway, I am impressed you were on the beach!!! It is freezing here in New York.

    Try and forgive one another.

    When I taught motivational classes, I used to say, "How does how you're feeling right now compare to how you'd be feeling if they just announced a nuclear bomb just dropped nearby?"

    Is anger evcer worth the extra pain. Give one another Hugs and make up.

    Love Anne C
  6. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Print out the "New Letter to Normals (FMS)" that "ilovecats94" just posted. It will explain exactly how you feel.