Starting talk therapy, please, any advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Jul 22, 2010.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    I finally got up the courage to call my Employee Assistance Program where I work and made an appointment with a therapist. Where I work, we are allowed,as employees, to have 10 free visits per year with a confidential therapist, that' the good part.

    I was able to choose a male or female. I chose a male this time. I am female. Absolutely nothing against female therapists, but I have seen two female therapists back in the early 2000's at two different times, and I just wanted to switch genders this time.

    You never know who you are going to "click" with, it's always a gamble, which to me is the very scary part. I am very nervous about this.

    Both of my parents (dad has since died) are European and do not believe in talk therapy at all. Maybe it is their age, maybe their culture, but unfortunately, I may have developed the same feelings as them, so I am trying to get over that and become a little bit more open minded, but it is very difficult for me. I'm relieved I made the appointment, but so anxious at the same time.

    No one in my small family knows I am going, and I want to keep it that way. However, obviously, I do not mind brining up the subject on these boards (aren't you guys lucky!!!!)
    because I feel more comfortable initially talking about it with you guys.

    I seriously don't know where to start and the last time I went was so many years ago, I swear I blocked it out of my mind, or maybe it's fibrofog, but I know I did not click right with the last therapist I saw and vowed that I would never go again. This is the problem, I do not want to start off with a negative attitude which I am so prone to doing, but this is because well, frankly, there isn't much positive in my life.

    Why do I have this horrible feeling that when I start talking, this therapist may think I'm a basket case or something, can you believe this worries me, go figure :(

    So, anyhow, any advice would be so appreciated. I don't go for another week. Thank you all, Hugs, Chelz.
  2. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    hi Chelz!!!!

    i think you are very smart to post on here and get some feedback about all this. i am glad that you can get 10 free sessions per year. yay! that's good news.

    i have been to therapy several different times. with several different therapists. the first time i went, the therapist was very kind and smart and helpful, and i did benefit from going. (it was a long time ago.)

    other times i tried therapy it went ok/somewhat helpful, other times not so helpful. it does depend on who you click with and what your issues are, and how good is the therapist in general.

    many people i know have had even better luck than i have had. well, then i also know about people having bad experiences- but those were specificaly due to the the person had undiagnosed cfs. and in that case therapy can be counter productive.

    i wouldnt worry AT ALL about the therapist thinking you are a basket case. they see people very uspet and crying and whatever all day long, day in day out. most therapists are kind hearted and want to help. also remember that therapists are human too- and they can have their share of difficulties. (including depression, or anxiety or whatever). i know this for a fact, as i have know several therapists personally.

    and your family may not understand. that is their problem, not yours! and they dont have to know!!!! nowadays "everybody" goes to therapy. it's "the thing to do". all the celebs do it. and people from all walks of life, in all different situations.

    before you go maybe think about or make a list of what issues upset you the most. or if you dont want to do that, then just dont.

    best wishes- and a hug to you,

    and ps- i did read your big post to me on my "rant". and that you feel so similar to how i feel. it is so hard to cope with these terrible illnesses. please remind me if you have cfs or fm or both. (i cant remember, sorry). where do you live? (if you dont want to say, thats fine) if you live in a large enough area (population that is) there may be things that could help a little bit. [This Message was Edited on 07/22/2010]
  3. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Chelz...Congratulations for taking the first step. I was going to therapy for over a year had to stop for health reasons. Sounds kinda silly:) Anyhoo, my issues stemmed from depression and FM. We worked a bit with CBT, doesn't really help. Or, not very often for the effort.

    When I went I had one main "thing" I wanted to deal with at a time. However the this DD and the depression were to interconnected for them to be one thing.

    Honestly there were days that didn't do a darn thing for me except make my back hurt more for her uncomfortable chair. Then there were days when my therapist would say something, or ask a question, and I would realize she scored a direct hit and we could work on that for a bit.

    I hope you find a little piece of comfort because it is so nice to say what you really, really feel and not end up hurting someones feelings.

    Good Luck!
  4. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I am sorry that therapy didn't really help you; however, you had ONE experience with ONE therapist, so it is really not possible to generalize. There are a lot of different types of therapies and a lot of different therapists and what might not work well for one person could work very well for another. It's about finding the right fit.

    (& yeah, some people may never find that therapy works for them, I am not saying it's a miracle cure or anything, but I would hope that if you were to ever feel like you really needed help again, you would not dismiss it based on the sole experience you related)
  5. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    You guys gave me something more to think about concerning therapy. First of all, because these sessions are free, they basically just set you up with a therapist, it is not very specific. From my understanding, after your 10 sessions are thru, if someone lasts that long, the therapist will evaluate whether they feel you need more assistance than they can provide during the 10 visits.

    While I am there, I would like to bring up my chronic pain issue and how it has affected my life so far. If I "click" with this therapist, I will ask him for a referral to see a therapist who deals with chronic pain because obvioulsy, he may not be qualified in that area, but it is a start and would not hurt to ask.

    I also have this horrible habit of comparing myself with others. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, maybe it stems from my condition, so not sure about this. All I know is that I don't feel happy with my life in any way. I have a hard time maintaining my friendships or relationships, even though I do try, but it seems my condition can get in the way and I feel I'm just getting too old (I'm 45) to start things over. I appreciate all you have said, and a big think you to all. Hugs, Chelz.
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Good luck w/ the therapy. I had several therapists myself. Kaiser
    had some group therapy/classes conducted by 2 or 3 people at the same time:
    pyschiatric social workers and psychologists.

    So over the years I had quite a number of therapist. Two of them were toxic,
    at least for me. I got rid of them in a hurry.

    Four or 5 people have posted on the depression board that therapy never worked for
    them as they were too busy putting up a good front to actually work on problem
    areas. Trying to convince the therapist that you don't need therapy seems
    counter-productive to me.

    You might also check to see if Emotions Anonymous, a 12 step program is in your
    area. (You can find out w/ a web search.) This program and meds and therapy
    were the main elements of my recovery. While I am not cured of depression, I am
    much better.

    Best of luck

  7. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I wasn't saying that therapy wasn't helpful for me in fact I'll go back as soon as I'm able. I was just making the point that for me I didn't think that CBT was making a impact on me. I still learned and practiced. Sorry you misunderstood, I think therapy is a great tool!!

  8. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    ah, got it.....sorry I misunderstood.....and good to know that you haven't dismissed it altogether : )