Starting to feel the stress-any tips on coping?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaiasmom, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    Hello!

    I don't post a lot, but I am really starting to feel the weight of all of the things going on in my life right now & I guess I just need to get it all out!

    I am getting married on April 15th, and there is so much to do!! I did take the easy way out, and my fiance's family is in charge of the wedding - and we will be flying to North Carolina for it (live in CA). While they are taking care of SO MUCH, I can hardly handle what I've got to deal with!

    The invitations have finally arrived (no, they haven't been sent yet), so we have to get them all addressed & sent out. Hopefully my hand will hold out - I understand that you're not supposed to use address labels for wedding invitations.

    Then there's my kids - each have their own problems. My daugher is 8 & she worries about everything. She has been struggling in school & will be repeating third grade next year. Luckily she is supportive of this, or it would be really hard. I am really worried about her. It's like she comes home at night and just lets it all out. She puts on a happy face all day, but can't keep it up once she's in her "comfort zone".

    I do have an appt to take her to a psychologist in a few weeks, so hopefully she can get some tools to deal with her anxiety. I also fear that she may have fibro also. I have not said as much to her, but she expresses many symptoms consistant with fibro - her legs ache all the time, and she is so tired all the time. Getting her up in the morning is an extremely difficult task - and we have to be out the door at 7:30 am.

    Then there's 7 year old Cody-my soon to be step son. He has PTSD & ADHD. He was taken from his mother's care at age 2 by CPS & he does not understand why she is not in his life. The truth is that she is a toxic person - the last time she spoke with Cody on the phone she was questionning him about what he calls me & such, making him feel guilty for accepting another mother figure in his life. So unhealthy. Any time she calls it is about her - not Cody.

    We are already in counseling with him, which is helping, but we have such a long road ahead of us. Of course he shows these emotions by acting out.

    If anyone has some suggestions for dealing with this increased stress, I would greatly appreciate it! I feel like my head is spinning, and know that it may continue for the next 5 weeks.

    Thanks for listening & I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

    Leanne
    [This Message was Edited on 03/09/2006]
  2. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Honey -
    Use address labels on the invitations!!!!
    You can get clear ones that you can do on the computer at any office supply store. To heck with what people think about that - you've got enough to worry about.

    I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is having problems. She sounds just like me when I was a little kid. Extremely sensitive, really worries about what other people think, etc.

    Looking back on those days for me, I believe I was clinically depressed and didn't get diagnosed properly. Hopefully seeing a professional that treats children will help her and help her to learn some coping skills.

    You obviously love her very much and care enough to do whatever you have to do to help her.

    Just try to take things one at a time and don't worry too far ahead. You can only control how you react and respond to what is going on currently, not what may or may not happen.

    When I get stressed out about things, I use the "six-month" technique to try to put things in persepective -
    example: "Will it really matter in six-months if I put computer address labels on my wedding invitations now?"
    Hopefully your answer is "No"!

    Try it - it really works to get rid of worrying about all the "small stuff", especially when you have "larger stuff" on your plate.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie

  3. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    Address labels it is!! You have convinced me!! Honestly, I don't think anyone will think anything of it, and if they do, who cares anyways.

    I appreciate the support - God knows I need it.

    Take care,

    Leanne
  4. Yucca13

    Yucca13 Member

    Hi Leanne,
    I'm sure all the details will work themselves out. You have your priorities in line with your concern with your children.

    What a wonderful blessing to find a man that loves you and your children. My husband has been a great step-dad to my four kids.

    Congratulations and best wishes for a wonderful life together.
    Val
  5. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    Some ideas for destressing:

    A bubble bath w/your favorite music or reading material
    deep breathing
    a massage, if you can afford it

    P.S. I bet I have received a wedding invitation with printed address labels. Things are changing in the computer age.

  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i would use the labels and how about lettig the children put then on and you fill out the address to where it goes?

    sorry to hear about your children...you're on the right track w/counseling....

    and you step-son..i can understand his mother's questioning what he calls you...i had a neighbor who met this guy in a bar then w/in a couple of days her daughters were calling him dad...instead of by his name...he moved pretty much as soon as they met and dragged him home...not right in my eyes for the children...there is a reason to wait atleast a couple of months to introduce your children to these people their parents are dating....they only want the parents t be happy...

    anyways w/the mother of cody...she may not be right in the head but i am sure somewhere in her soul she loves this child...but just doesn't have the proper tools to do things right...and if i heard my son call another woman mother when his dad was just living with this woman i would be deeply hurt...then i would want to know if this person is making them call them mom or dad....

    she needs to work things out in her own way...and i am sure there is more to this story than we know...and just giving birth doesn't make you a real true mother...you earn that and it is a privlege to be a parent...we do forget this at times...

    well i think the counseling is great...they will give you much better advice than i.....

    you enjoy you wedding and think of it as being a big party...

    jodie
  7. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    I do understand the calling someone else mom thing - if my daughter was calling someone else mommy I would be deeply hurt.

    However, in this situation, this conversation took place about a year after we all moved in together - hardly a "new" thing. And, he hardly ever calls me mommy - just on occasion, when both of the kids are calling me that. And, I would never make him call me anything other than what he is comfortable with. I don't care what he calls me - I know that he loves me just like I love him.

    I am not trying to take her place - just fill in where she left off. I'm sure when he is older he will seek her out - and we will support it at that time, when he can understand.

    The big problem with her, as I stated earlier, is that it is always all about her. She recently called to talk to my fiance about visitation, stating that she has "changed". She now lives in Hawaii & we in California, so I'm not sure how she planned to work that out. And, she hasn't seen him in about 5 years. He would be scared to death to go stay with them in Hawaii (her, her husband & the other 3 children that were not removed from her care).

    Doesn't matter anyways - we have made our decision about her capability to maintain a healthy relationship with Cody. I honestly wish things were different. It would be so much easier if he could talk to her without it harming him.

    At any rate, I just wanted to clarify. We would never keep him from her if it didn't mess with his poor little head. I think it is really sad that this does happen though - and it is truely sad that it does.

    My daugher gets to see her dad, even though he is a flake. In that case, it is better for her to have a relationship with him then not - even if she worries about him a lot when he doesn't call or show up when he says he will.

    Oh well, such is life.

    Thanks!
    Leanne