Stealing my Joy

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by greygodess, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. greygodess

    greygodess New Member

    Please pray for me. I am a 53 year old woman who has had a problem off and on with depression for the last 3 years. I am on medication and trying my best to get better. For some reason I keep focusing on the future and our financial state. I am full of worry and it is stealing my daily joy. I keep telling myself to live today only and rely on God's plan. He has not let me down so far. It does help but the worry is still there. I know that this is not the worst thing that can happen to someone and that God has blessed me in so many areas. I hope God can use me in whatever state I am in. Godbless
  2. Will do ,May God bless you.
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    How you feel Greygodess, have had what the doctor called; Situational Depression'. I can't take meds, so am fighting this with the Lord as my medicine!

    Sometimes, like right now, I am in a deep dark hole. Sad thing with me, is I have never been depressed in my life before, so its twice as hard for me. I did not know what was wrong with me, I have Fibromyalgia, and I can assure you, I would take that horrific pain any day over this awful feeling of depression, with little or no joy left in my life.

    All I do look forward too is when the Lord moves for me, and that I know He will, in His time, not mine. Then I will have a testimony for Him that will be earthshaken!

    This has been going on with me for three years now, so I know how you really feel. Yes, it has stolen the joy out of my life. I have very little interest in anything.

    But when my Lord does bring me out of this black hole, He will do it exactly right, not my Will, but His Will Be Done is how I pray for this now.

    I also try to live just for the day, but most days all I want to do is stay in the bed and sleep. Sure this is not what my Lord would want me to do! I can't see much future at all.

    I will pray for you, not hard to remember you as I pray for my own self.

    Take care, keep the faith, God is watching over us, even though at times we seem so alone in this 'place' we are in, but He is right there with us, like He was with Daniel in the furnace.

    God Bless............

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. cheryl888881

    cheryl888881 New Member

    Greygoddess and Shirl,

    I just want you both to know that I am praying for you. I sank into a deep depression about 12 years ago so know what you are both going through. It was horrible and I truly thought my life was over. I even contemplated suicide, which for me, had also been unthinkable!!! I have always been such a strong person and very independent. The Lord brought me through to the other side and I want you both to know that He will do the same for you!!! It is nothing short of a miracle that I am here today. When in the midst of your darkest hour when you read your Bible and cry out to God and you cannot seem to get through please know that He is there for you. You may not feel him but he is there!!! He will bring you through and I am praying that that will happen to both of you!!! It is easy to say all kinds of platitudes but they don't help either. Nothing will help except that we band together in prayer and seek Jesus to bring you out of the depths you are in. And he will!! That's the good news. When you think all hope is lost please, hang on, when you think you cannot take another day, hang on!!! Know that their are others praying for you and holding you up! That's what christain brothers and sisters are for, to pray for you when you cannot pray for yourself!!!

    I know that He will answer prayer and that you will both come out on the other side better people than you ever imagined. Don't give up!!!

    Gentle hugs and prayers,

  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Cheryl! that is so what I needed to hear, that someone here has been where I am right now that is so willing to pray for me. I can hardly pray for myself anymore. But am able to pray for others. My faith is intack, but I can't see pass this dark hole.

    I am just so tired of it all. I do not even want to write out my bills, eat, go out, get the mail, take out the garbage, clean the house, no more gardening, reading, sewing, etc! What a horrible feeling to live like this.

    I know what is causing this, but am unable to change the situation.

    I am also a very strong willed person, and always, but always solved my own problems. But this is something I never would have though could happen to me.

    MY poor daughter keeps telling me 'I want my old Mom back'! Where is my bossy, controlling, bookworm, gardening, sparkling Mom?? believe me, that hurts like heck to have her tell me that. She is an adult, but I am hurting her and my two adult sons and grandchildren. That is not ME at all.

    I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I am alone most of the time, and I think that is not helping either, but that can't be controlled, I have been alone half a year for years and was always busy when the FM was not bad.

    Had it not been for taking care of my dogs, I would have given up long before now, but I know they need me and no one is going to spoil them like I do!

    Again, thank you Cheryl, I so deeply appreciate your prayers. I am also happy dear lady that the Lord has broght you out of this depression.

    I know the Lord is with me, but I just can't seem to function like my old self.

    What I have left is my Lord. Without Him I would not be here at all.

    I have lost 31lbs, did not weigh much to start with, but now am only about 95lbs. I look terrible, and am frightening my children.

    Again, thank you, and I know the Lord will bless you for praying for Greygodess and myself.

    Shalom, Shirl

  6. Jude

    Jude New Member

    Hi Shirl

    Wanted to let you know that I still think about you. That black hole is a terrible place to be. Although I only knew you through cyberspace, I remember the person that your daughter wants back. My mother died in Feb after years of declining health. I miss her soul being present on this earth. If you've had a good mother I'm not sure you ever get over missing them. You were and still are an important person to your children.

    I can only support you in prayer and hope that this desert period of your life resolves.

  7. cheryl888881

    cheryl888881 New Member

    Whether you realize it or not you are helping others while being in your "dark place". You still have the qualities that your daughter wants to see again in you. I can "see" it in your writing. Trust me it doesn't leave you and one day you will return to your old self but in a new way. (If you know what I mean) One day you will look back on this and won't be able to believe how wonderful you feel, but you will be changed and the change will be for the better. No one can experience what you are going through and not be changed in a better way.

    I trust God that it will be soon for you. Keep on writing and don't give up. I am encouraged by your writings because I can see that you are fighting and that is exactly what you have to do. Even though you may feel like you have no fight left believe me you are fighting. Take one day at a time and turn each minute over to the Lord. If you have to pray every other minute in the day then so be it. The Lord does hear your prayers and He is still in control of your situation and your life and He will bring you out. Don't ever forget that. I know that nothing is helping right now but God is there by your side.

    Just hang on and I am looking forward to hearing how you come out on the other side. You are an encouragement to me, whether you can see that or not. You still have the will to go on and that is so exciting to me. Just know that I will be praying for you every day and that you are in my thoughts frequently. I am trusting that our Lord will make His presence known to you and that you will begin to feel peace.

    Gentle Hugs and prayers are coming your way today and in the days to come.

  8. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Cheryl,you are an inspiration, I could not respond to you and Jude when I first read your replies, I was just too overwhelmed with what you had to say.

    How can I thank you for your prayers? I honestly have felt much better in the last few days, yes your prayers are being heard dear lady. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but with people like you praying for me, I have hope of making it, and giving that testimony when the Lord brings me out of all of this. You will be the first to know on this board. I so badly want to just be 'me' again. For myself, children and my few friends.

    Again, thank you, and I thank the Lord for your prayers. You truly understand what I am living with on a daily, nightly basis. It almost never lets up, I even have terrible dreams when I am sleeping. Yet, most of the time all I want to do is sleep. I will keep you in my daily prayers as well. You must be very close to the Lord, as I have felt somewhat better in the last few days, yet nothing has changed that I know of, but the Lord does move in mysterious ways. You are right, it is hard to pray for myself............

    Jude, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, you are right we never get over losing our Mother's. It is many years that I lost my Mother, and till this day I can't put her picture out in the house. I have to keep them in albums, if I don't I will cry everytime I see the pictures. We know they are with the Lord but our humanity still wants their presence with us that we can talk and communicate with them.
    My Parents died four months apart. I lost them both in that short space of time, they were only in their 50's. Then I lost my only brother. Except for my children/grandchildren, I only have a couple of cousins in my family now.

    Its hard losing family members and friends, but Mother's are the biggest heartbreak unless we lost a child, and you have been there with your nephew, I so well remember that too.

    I have kept you in my prayers since I first read your post, but could not respond, to be perfectly honest, I was simply overwhelmed with you and Cheryl's concern and offer of prayer for me. I cried like a baby when I read them, and could not function to type out a reply!

    Thank you both, and know that I will be praying for you too.

    God bless both of you...............

    Shalom, Shirl

  9. cheryl888881

    cheryl888881 New Member

    Thank you for your beautfil response. I am truly grateful for the kind words. I know that God is working in your life, I can see it in your words and I am so excited for you. Please know that I will be praying for you daily, every time I think of you I send a prayer up on your behalf. I believe in prayer and God does answer the needs of his children. You are a daughter of the King and he wants nothing more than your joy in living for Him. Keep on believing that He is able and will help you. He is with you every seoond of the day and He loves you with a love that no one else can give you.

    Yesterday I read the Bible verse in Matthew Chapter 6 starting in verse 25 to 34. It is long so I won't write t down here but it basically says that God takes care of the birds and the lillies of the field and how much more than will he take care of his children. We cannot do anything for ourselves compared to what he can do for us so stay the course and live each day one at a time and look to God for all the rest in life. I believe that applies to everyone of us because we ourselves cannot heal ourselves or get ourselves out of any situation but that God can do it better than we and that when we just turn everything over to him he will do what know one else can.

    I don't mean to preach to you but I just want you to know that God is with you, Shirl. In your darkest moment he is there. Rest in that and you will be able to get out of this depression no matter what the cause!!!!

    My prayers are with you and I wish you Peace,

  10. Jennifer

    Jennifer New Member

    Yes,greygodess I will be praying for you. I have been feeling the same way about financial worries and have done that a lot in my life time and I am 64.

    We have a little left from my husband*s retirement and just social security. we had to move to a diffenent mobile home park for less rent. Very friendly park in the country.

    Medicine bills take a lot from us. I know the Bible says to worry is a sin. Well , then , I have done a lot of sinning, but still love the Lord and would have been gone a long time ago if it hadn*t been for him.

    Now, Shirl, I am Sherry, from Ca. Have been on these boards a long time but just here lately on the Worship Board. You are really an inspiration to hundreds of people, Shirl, and you will continue to be that.

    I will tell you my husband was a bad drunk for the first 25 yrs of our marriage. He was mean and badly verbally abused me. I took our girls to Church alone and they loved it and when I didn*t want to go they did so they kept me going. Now I watch it on T. V. cause too much pain to go.

    Anyway lots of those yrs I was very depressed. Got where I couldn*t pray for my husband anymore and didn*t even want him to come home at midnight. He worked til midnight. A few times I was very close to nervous breakdowns.

    Our girls and God kept me going. I was blesses that he did not miss work and always provided for us. Everytime I would try to work my bad health stopped me so I did hair in our home and babysat in our home. I liked that so I didn*t have to leave our girls.

    My husband is not in good health now, he is a bad diabetic, lung trouble and heart trouble. He does get mean in the afternoon but I put him in his place now and tell him I won*t take it like I use too. Before I was very scared of him.

    Now I have been reading a lot about depression. This is my bad experience with my son in law. He is mean to my daughter and I use to try to protect her.

    Well he has tried to run over me 3 times, my daughter once and my husband once. About 3 or 4 yrs ago. He has been in jail for that and breaking and entering and grand theft. We paid for her divorce 3 yrs ago, she went back to him about 18 months later and he still doesn*t work and lets her support him. I am telling you this for a reason.

    I read the other day about post pardom depression, in my case, how you relive the circunstances over and over and dream about it and you get rid of it and it comes back, the devil just loves this, you talk about stealing your joy, that is stealing your life.

    I went to Bible class and our group prayed for me and then he would stock us again and again and it just would not end.

    He pinned my daughter and me between my car and him in his old truck and I told God here we are and finally the neighbors came out and he raced off be fore he was caught. Now I just stay away from him and he is not allowed to come to any of our family functions and he knows it.

    He still eats our food we give to our daughter but I can*t help that.

    I know by experience God is with us without our even asking. Even when I didn*t deserve it I was still His daughter and I will always love him for it and Praie Him for his Grace.

    His Grace is sufficient. Hallaleijah!. Shirl, you hold your chin up Hon. I don*t have the answers, but our God does, Your Sister in Christ, Sherry from Ca.