Steven Wright One Liners.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gapsych, Oct 4, 2008.

  1. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    If these have been posted before, I apologize. However, even a second reading still produces chuckles.

    Funny One Liners from Steven Wright
    Pirated from from AAPG Explorer, Oct. 1995

    1) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

    2) Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

    3) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    4) If you are driving a car at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?


    Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

    Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

    Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

    Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

    How does the guy with the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

    If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

    If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

    You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says "Open somewhere else?"

    Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

    Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

    You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

    Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

    If all employees in a company are supposed to think in the same direction, why do you need more than one employee?

    Why do people need a lot of money when they don't have any time to spend them?

    Why do we need clothes when the world is full of naked kings?

    Why do people long for eternal life when they don't even know what to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon?

    Why do we call this planet earth when it is 90% water?
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Because the page shows 39,449 replies to this post. In the dwindling days of our dear old boards, things are going whacky. Either that, or Mercury is retrograde in the Zodiac--or both! Yikes!

    Love, Mikie
  3. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Mikie, You can not see them? I am surprised as people who practice good clean living are the ones able to see them.

    Your reply makes 39,950.

    Okay, now where did all those posts go? ALL RIGHT WHO ERASED ALL THE REPLIES??

    Take care.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/07/2008]