**Still Battling This Monster ~~ Major DEPRESSIVE Disorder

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by S-Elaine, Nov 9, 2010.

  1. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member

    Hi all,

    I know I have made a tremendous amount of progress, yet something is missing. I still don’t have the full me back and I want it.

    Recently, I’ve had a set back with my Severe Depression and my Psychiatrist is going to have to try and add an additional medication until this passes. We have gone through 7 meds so far.

    There are days where I become discouraged, furious & just want to scream.

    Then, I quiet myself down and recognize that behavior I just described ~~~~ exhausts me. Anyone with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue would become tired.

    I know the rest of my life is around the corner and I just can’t get there yet. I have gone out with my friends a few times and am overwhelmed by their compliments and happiness in just seeing me.

    Seems odd to me ~~~~~ why make such a fuss over silly me?????

    Still I refuse to give up. No way, I have gone so far where I will keep forcing myself to move forward in my Counseling sessions and wait for another medication to work.

    When I find this “so called” miracle drug for MDD …….. I will post it.

    Until then, I keep fighting the fight. We all have to and just cannot give up or believe we will never get better. That is not true and negative thinking. I have been keeping myself busy and then relaxing when my body needs it.

    Just wanted to post how I have been feeling and what has been going on with me. Trying to explain my absence from here at the Message Board.

    Although ……… maybe nobody has even noticed. Ah, that is just too funny.

    I am also organizing all of the messages I have posted on my "journey" and am going to pursue getting it to a publisher to see if there is an interest.

    FINALLY ~~~~~~ I came up with the Title. That was another missing piece to the puzzle.

    Wishing everyone well. The best you can be!!

    == Elaine
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    What is the title of your book :)!! Inquiring minds want to know, you know !!

    Sorry you are still having depression problems. After all you have been through I almost think that would be somewhat normal (whatever that is anyway -"normal"

    So much to do today and the rest of this week until we leave for our Caribbean cruise. Have to get ready for my luncheon/meeting today and drop DH off at his meeting. In between I have been washing and still have to iron some stuff. Maybe SW could come and help me with that.

    Have to go get myself ready to go and DH needs the puter. Take care of yourself sweetie. We do love and MISS you !!

  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm so sorry. Battling depression can really be difficult, especially for us. You are in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  4. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    I am so glad you posted--I have wondered where you have been and how your progress is going . You resilience in fighting this evil monster is stronger than you probably know and oh so admirable. For all you have been through, I am in awe of you!!

    Keep fighting the fight, and keep on posting. And when your book goes on sale, let me know!! I will buy one and mail it to you to autograph!!


    P.S. Your friends are lucky to have a friend as strong as you.
  5. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member

    Thanks for the replies. I truly appreciate each and every one of them. They help me learn.

    After my 2 sessions with my counselor this week ------ she got me to a point of “just accepting all of this for now”.

    That was a very interesting question for me because I have so much going on. FMS is not managed yet & the depression has reared its ugly head again.

    So for now ~~~~~ I recognize there are certain things I cannot control and cannot change. However, falling back into my “normal routine” will help me feel like things are some what normal.

    Had to cancel my appointment with my Psychiatrist because the Luvox CR is still not out of my system. When I got up to go to the bathroom and get ready for my appointment. I could barely walk. Such severe physical pain because the time released Luvox has interrupted my sleep so much. I don’t go to bed until 3 or 4 am. Then, I realized there was no way I could verbalize to my Psychiatrist what was going on. I even had my notes prepared and my 2 co-payments ready to go. My Mother would have gone with me, but I knew my head was “not attached” enough to communicate properly.

    I decided to call and cancel. Went back to bed and slept for another chunk of hours. Then went off to my Counseling session.

    Came home exercised a bit, did some laundry & listed items on my side business.

    I will wait this out. I have come too far to have anything drag me down again. Something is “off” with me and I am trying to figure out what it was.

    I’m sticking around POSITIVE people and I know I will make it though this. It is a “bump in the road” or some sort of “waves” for me. Perhaps this is my normal pattern. If so, at least I am learning about it and know all of the healthy things to do. All of my coping skills are on high alert and what ever it takes; I will finally WIN this fight.

    In the meantime, I wait and keep myself busy. Of course rest when my body needs it.

    I’ll continue to update this post.

    == Elaine[This Message was Edited on 11/14/2010]
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    My prayers continue to be with you. What has helped me over all these years is knowing that no matter how far I've come, there are always bumps in the road and when that happens, the best I can do is just go into "survival mode." One of the best things I ever got out of therapy is when one shrink told me it's OK to just survive somethimes. I had never given myself permission to just survive. I was always like a car in drive regardless of the road conditions. Sometimes, we just have to idle for a bit. It can be the best thing for us.

    At those times, I often pamper myself. I call them "Spa Days." I give myself an epilator (hair removal) treatment, do my nails, give myself a facial and hop into the shower. Often, that's enough to help drag me out of the doldrums a little. I also feel as though I have accomplished something. I may be depressed and tired but, at least, I look good :)

    Take care of yourself and keep us updated.

    Love, Mikie
  7. jole

    jole Member

    Depression is a fight that isn't ended overnight, even though we'd like it to be. And I know as hard as other people can be on us, no one is as critical of us as we are of ourselves. I use to think a simple pill would solve the problem......sure wish it were that easy, huh? As with the fibro, we're all so different with what works.

    I was going to tell you some advice my therapist gave me.....then I read Mikie's response and decided hers is much better...lol, and something I'm going to remember for me also. I try to accept myself for where I am, but get discouraged and love the idea of just being in "idle" once in awhile.

    Elaine, you know my prayers are with you, and I have no doubt you'll make it through this. You are strong. You just need to remember it's okay for even the strongest to have some weak moments! Hugs.....Jole