still more jokes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Catseye, Mar 20, 2007.

  1. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

    A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
    The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonay."

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in s ome more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
    Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
    The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

    Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

  2. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I love the one about cooking... and the one about wine.... and the one about the Polish guy (used to live in a neighborhood where signs were in 3 languages - English, spanish, and Polish!)

    All too funny! Thanks for the laughs!


  3. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I love a good laugh in the morning...


    Nancy B
  4. kholmes

    kholmes New Member

    The first one was hilarious!

    (I used to be a golfer).

  5. paulmack

    paulmack New Member

    Very funny,gave me a right few laughs,haha.Loved the one about the eggs & driving,lol.
  6. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I love the one about one being right and the other being the husband. I have seen this before, but made me laugh just the same.

    Thanks for taking the time to post these.