Stressed out just want to cry

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by minkanyrose, Jan 12, 2007.

  1. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    I got a phone call at 3 am this morning so when the phone rings in the middle of the night you just know something is wrong. Both my daughters were staying at friends last night so I first assumed it was something to do with them.

    When I answered the phone and heard my ex-husbands drunk voice I was shocked.(Got divorce dec 1 2006) he has a girlfried for 3 years now and got into a fight with her fists and shoving and all and wanted to see if he could come stay the night here because he had no where to go.(I'VE BEEN A VICTUM OF HIS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FOR YEARS) SO no sympahty here.

    He was trying to get a hold of our daughter who is 18 to come and get him. She refused so he called me to talk her into it. NO WAY1111.

    any way long story that took 2 hours to get him to quite callin me back every minute because I hung up His girl friend had him arrested. Good for her. no one deserves to be a punching bag.

    My delima He hasn't paid Child support in over a month he got fired bad temper. so my disability isn't enough for me and 2 girls to live on. I have 2 0 dollars to my name until february and I just don't know how I am going to do it.

    My oldest daughter tried to work and go to high school and started having seizures so had to quit working now has alot of migraines trying to figure that out. My 16 year old dropped out of school because of PTSD. She is trying to find work and there isn't much out there these days not even fast foods.

    I don't know how much more I can take of this. my Rope is a sewing thread. My family won't help because of my marriage to him. They blame me for not getting out soomer but they have never been in a domestic violence situation and the threats were real he was going to kill my 2 sons if I left him and I have seen what he can do to his so called friends.

    I feel so lost and alone in my struggles. I need help and don't know where to turn.

    Thanks for letting me vent I don't have anyone to tell this stuff to.
  2. wish_to_be_healthy

    wish_to_be_healthy New Member

    You may be able to find a resource for battered women...like a shelter. Even though you don't need to go there,(maybe a place for his girlfriend) they usually have councelors there to help women, financially, or to help you fill out paperwork for temporary foodstamps, general asstance, therapy...

    I'm sure that the larger cities must have this in Iowa...the Quad Cites, Waterloo, Des Moines?

    Reach out for help to those places that can help you...If your family won't.

    I hope you can get some help soon,

    Suz

    PS this is a place up in Mpls that helps women:

    http://www.chrysaliswomen.org/

    They might know of resourses in your area![This Message was Edited on 01/13/2007]
  3. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I live in Ames Iowa so maybe able to help you with finding help and different sources. Let me know where in Iowa you live please.....SueF
  4. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    I live in the quad cities, Davenport
  5. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    The first thing you should do is go to DHS and get yourself on food stamps and medical for both you and the kids if you haven't already. Also since he hasn't paid child support and he doesn't have a job sign up for FIP. It might not be much but every little bit helps. I also go to the food pantreies when I need to. I'm living on child support alone with my 2 kids so I know where your coming from. Also while at DHS ask them if they have a listing of other places that can help you. The one here in Ames has a whole listing of places to go for food, clothing and stuff like that. By the way I can relate to the domestic situation. Once in it's harder then anyone reliezes cause it starts with the verbal abuse letting you know how you could never survive without him because of the kids. Hang in there and I hope for the best for you......SueF
  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    minkayrose:

    Sweet heart, you need never feel afraid. Things you feel you can not tell other people can always heard here.

    Vent,let it out. And you never know who can answer with the best advice.

    True, too. Why not check out some of the other site's,too.
    You are loved here, but it is a possibility to check other sites.

    A big hug,

    nyrofan

  7. katvwolf

    katvwolf New Member

    The advice everyone on here has given you so far has been excellent!!! I'd go with that....or:

    Maybe find a job working from home? If you have a computer and internet access, some companies will allow you to work from home. I don't know how bad you're feeling physically, so this may not be an option for you, but it is the only other option I can think of other than the wonderful advice others on here have given you...

    Keep your chin up. You'll get through this. I'm so sorry to hear that your family isn't being more supportive.

  8. FibroPainSufferer

    FibroPainSufferer New Member

    NO ONE can understand what it is like to be the victim of domestic violence, unless it has happened to you directly!!! My family has sort of been there for me. I say “sort of” because they have helped me out financially yet just the other night, before meeting with a lawyer about my divorce, my mother says to me “you have to be calm tomorrow when you meet with the lawyer” I could have screamed!!! See, I basically waited for my husband to go to work one morning & my family showed up with what ever trucks they could get a hold of & they moved me out. Now remember, I have suffered from anxiety, depression & panic attacks for 20 years now due to an abusive father. So, for about a week prior to me moving out, my body was doing horrible things. One day I was unable to speak…the words came out of my mouth but it sounded more like I had a stutter. Then my body started twitching, I was unable to write, etc….I could go on! Anyway, my mother’s point was that I couldn’t act that way when I went to meet with the lawyer. I got off the phone ASAP & cried. I would love to be able to turn off my anxiety with a switch! My family does NOT understand how afraid I am of my husband. He has never slapped or punched me but he pushed me so hard one time that I fell & the left side of my body was covered with bruises from the things I fell on. I’ve had things thrown at me & been called every nasty name in the book. I am so afraid because he has told me & others this “when I get mad, I don’t think straight & I can’t control my actions and it scares me” it was like living with a time bomb! If he’s scared how do you think I felt!!!

    Minkanyrose, I know your situation is much worse because you have children but YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I am so thankful I found this site because it gives us not only a chance to ask questions about our medical conditions but you can vent to people who have been in your shoes. I’m also so angry to hear that your ex-husband is not paying child support! I went yesterday to file for spousal support & in my state they don’t mess around. In PA, they look at what we both make at our jobs & then they come up with an amount. Once the amount is agreed upon, it then gets directly deducted from his paycheck & deposited into my bank account. I don’t think that each state should be able to set the laws for support, it should be the same no matter where you live! You did mention that your husband got fired because of his bad temper so maybe that is why you aren’t getting paid…I don’t know what the law is in your state.

    I guess I did some venting too...sorry! but my point is this…you are not alone & sometimes just sitting here writing down what is upsetting you, can be good therapy! It was right after moving out that I was diagnosed with fibro & there are days that I blame my husband & then I have my days when I get mad at myself for letting this happen!

    I don’t have much since I only took the things that belonged to me prior to moving in with my husband but I wish there was someway of helping you!!! It seems like some people were able to give you some advice on what you can do financially. But don’t feel like you are alone or lost…if you start feeling like that again then get on your computer & just let it out. I’ve only been on this site for a few days now but so far everyone has been helpful & very caring!!!

    I hope you feel better & you are in my thoughts & prayers!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 01/13/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/13/2007]