Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by jem2995, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. jem2995

    jem2995 New Member

    in abusive relationship where partner just wont let go. verbally and physically abusive. he's definitely a control freak can't do anything when he's around. don't know how to get out.
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Jem, call the national domestic violence hotline at 1.800.799.7233 and speak with someone. They will talk to you about many things including getting money together, making a plan to get out, etc. First read the article below. Also please know that it is all up to you and you are the one that has to make the moves to get out. He isn't going to change permanently and this is a bad relationship to bring children in and for you to develop self esteem and self love. Good luck, hugs and prayers.


    Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence

    Home > Violence Against Women > Types of Violence > Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence

    What is Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence?

    Domestic violence and abuse, also called intimate partner violence, is when one person purposely causes either physical or mental harm to another, including:

    * physical abuse
    * psychological or emotional abuse
    * sexual assault
    * isolation
    * controlling all of the victim's money, shelter, time, food, etc.

    Often, the violent person is a husband, former husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, but sometimes the abuser is female. Domestic violence and abuse are common and must be taken very seriously.

    One in four women report that they have been physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner. These crimes occur in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Physical and emotional trauma can lead to increased stress, depression, lowered self-esteem, and post-traumatic stress disorder (an emotional state of discomfort and stress connected to the memories of a disturbing event).

    Violence against women by anyone is always wrong, whether the abuser is a current or past spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend; someone you date; a family member; an acquaintance; or a stranger. You are not at fault. You did not cause the abuse to happen, and you are not responsible for the violent behavior of someone else.

    If you or someone you know has been a victim of intimate partner violence, seek help from family members, friends, or community organizations. An important part of getting help is knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. It can be hard to admit you're in an abusive relationship. But, there are clear signs to help you know if you are being abused.

    Get Help for Domestic Abuse

    If you are being abused or have a loved one who is being abused, get help. Don't ignore it. It won't go away. Keep in mind, you're not alone. Many women are victims of domestic abuse.

    Here are things you can do:

    * Make a plan in case you need to leave. Set aside some money and find a place to go. Put important papers and items in a place where you can get them quickly. Review a full checklist of items you'll need, such as marriage license, birth certificates, and checkbook.
    * If you're in danger, call the police or leave.
    * If you're hurt, go to a local hospital emergency room.
    * Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE or TDD 800-787-3224, which is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, in English, Spanish, and other languages. The Hotline can give you the phone numbers of local domestic violence shelters and other resources.
    * Look up state resources for a list of local places to get help.
    * Reach out to someone you trust — a family member, friend, co-worker, or spiritual leader.
    * Contact your family court (or domestic violence court, if offered by your state) for information about getting a court order of protection.

    Healthy Aging - Elder Abuse

    Women of all ages are at risk for domestic and intimate partner violence and face similar challenges when trying to leave an abuser, like feelings of shame and money concerns. However, women who are 55 years and older and are abused face unique challenges. These women grew up and married during a time when domestic abuse was often ignored. Now, at an older age, they have endured many years of abuse and may have problems with poor self-image and shame. Older women who have been abused also are less likely to tell anyone about it; have health problems that keep them dependent on their abusive partner; feel committed to caring for their abusive aging partners; and are fearful of being alone.
    There are resources for all women to get help. Call the National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life at 608-255-0539.

    Domestic Violence Shelters

    Domestic violence shelters offer victims of domestic violence and their children temporary housing as well as counseling and assistance. Services may include:

    * individual counseling
    * family counseling
    * support groups
    * job training
    * legal help

    Transitional Housing

    Transitional housing focuses on giving families a safe space and time to recover from domestic violence. Families live independently, in separate apartments, while they also receive needed services. Services can include:

    * individual counseling
    * family counseling
    * support groups
    * job training
    * help finding affordable, permanent housing
    * legal help

    Visitation Centers

    Families dealing with divorce, domestic violence, or custody issues often have a hard time finding a comfortable, neutral place for children to visit with a parent. A visitation center is a safe place where children from families dealing with these issues can visit with a parent.
    [Return to Top]
    Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

    Violence in the home doesn't just affect the person being abused; it affects everyone in the home, including children.

    Children may witness abuse in a number of different ways.

    * They may be in the room and see their mother being abused.
    * They may hear their parents fighting.
    * They may see the aftermath of the abuse when they see their mother's bruises.

    Studies have shown that children who grow up in violent homes are more likely to withdraw and have behavioral problems. As they get older, these children often blame themselves for not stopping the abuse. This can lead to further withdrawal, depression, and substance abuse.

    Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to become abusers or be abused themselves. A boy who grows up with a father who beats his mother tends to see women as weak and submissive and repeat the cycle of abuse in his own relationships. A girl who sees the abuse of her mother is likely to think that abuse is part of a normal relationship and become involved with an abuser herself.

    If you're being abused, it's important to get help for yourself, but also for your children.

    Why Women Don't Leave

    People who have never been in an abusive relationship may wonder, "Why doesn't she just leave?" There are many reasons why a woman may not leave an abusive relationship. She may have little or no money and have no way to support herself and her children. She may reach out for help only to find that all the local domestic violence shelters are full. She may not be able to contact friends and family who could help her. Or she may worry about the safety of herself and her children if she leaves.

  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

  4. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Abused women usually have very little time, if any, to write on a computer because they are controlled, watched, etc. so the posts can be so brief. She may not be able to write again, but she may be able to just view what we wrote to support and help her.
  5. downwiththesickness

    downwiththesickness New Member

    Jem, Please do yourself one favor, Not for anyone else, Do not hesitate if you get a chance and do not hurt yourself.
    I promise you, That the situation that you are in at the moment is not the only way to live your life and that if you feel like giving up,don't. It may seem like the scariest thing ever to leave a situation that you know ( even knowing it is not good ) but I gaurantee it is worth it.
    You are stronger than you realize.