Stupid Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by rockgor, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    My brother, the forest ranger, sent me these jokes. He called them stupid. I liked 'em myself.

    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and
    > got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
    > reception was excellent.
    > A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
    > bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
    > anything".
    > Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
    > salted.
    > A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
    > A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
    > under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for
    > the road."

    > Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
    > the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

    Ok, kids, whaddya think? Want more?
  2. paulmack

    paulmack New Member

    You should be on the stage,lol.Heard some of them before but ye cannae beat them.
    We call them jump leads,I take it you call them jumper cables,& exchange asphalt for tarmac.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    (as usual). Haha

    As you probably know the Eversharp brand was the first mechanical pencil. When I was a kid Eversharp sponsored a quiz show on the radio (wireless).

    When someone got the correct answer the host yelled, "Write with Eversharp". In those days you could win as much as $50 or $60.

    The following is just so absurd I can't stop smiling.

    "Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to give himself up."

    I wonder how they found out. Life is full of mysteries.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/26/2007]
  4. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member


  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Haven't heard from you for a while. You are your usual eloquent self. Haha
  6. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Why, thank you sir! You are too kind!

  7. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    thanks for the these jokes. Rock, I admire you and how you help people with sensible ideas...and then there is this other side of you! Jana
  8. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    I vote for more jokes! I love these!
  9. Cindyvr

    Cindyvr New Member

    MORE JOKES!!!MORE JOKES!!!! screams are coming from the crowd!!
  10. caffey

    caffey New Member

    What is a husband's idea of helping with the housework?

    Lifting his feet while she vaccuums.

    What are 4 blondes in a freezer?

    Frosted flakes.

    Pastor gets up to preach on Sun. morning. As he goes to the pulpit wife says to him KISS honey. The congregration thinks that is so sweet.
  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    to an overwhelming demand, here are the rest of the stupid jokes forwarded by my brother. All certified by the Park Service.

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
    The kids were nothing to look at either.

    Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this
    bull before.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
    other day,
    but I couldn't find any.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
    accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
    my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've
    cut off your arms!"

    I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One
    turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
    they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it
    sank, proving once again that you can't have your
    kayak and heat it too.

  12. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    And here, in honor of my brother, is the all-time favorite joke of the Park Service. (If you look closely, you can see it embroidered on their badges in teeny, tiny print.)

    What is the middle name of Smokey the Bear?

    And here, illustrating w/ a real-life story the serious nature of the work of these dedicated men and women, we have:

    A camper at Long Pine Key in Everglades National Park decided to take a dip in the lake with her dog despite signs saying "No swimming -- Danger -- Alligators." She swam to an island about 75 yards from the shore, then saw some alligators and refused to swim back.

    "Didn't you see the signs?" asked the ranger who retrieved her in a canoe.

    "Sure," she said, "but I didn't think they applied to me."

    Thank you for your kind and perceptive comment, Jana. I had a sensible idea only four hours ago. It was, I think I need a nap.

    And thanks to our other contributors. Your names will be put into a hat and the winning name will be given a trip to alligator island in the Everglades.

    Note: Scientists report that the Everglades, like Hostess Ho-Hos, are shrinking.

    Answer to the riddle is "the".

  13. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I'm not sure what it says about me, but I thought the jokes were funny. Only groaned one or two times.


    Nancy B
  14. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    Lol! on the Hostess Ho-hos! That gave me a good laugh! How do you come up with this stuff?!! Kim :)

    PS-Always wished I could come up with witty comments quickly, some people have the gift. My husband is good at it, and Rock you have talent! Kim :)
  15. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Oh, Nancy B, won't you marry me?
    I have a horse and a new buggy.

    My cabin's built. It's clean and neat.
    There's a shed in back w/ a comfy seat.

    I have two pigs and a cow named Kate.
    So won't you come and be my mate.

    That's an old folk song* from the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, on the trial of the Lonesome Pine.

    (And that was a big hit song almost a century ago.)

    *Note: If it's not an old folk song, it should be.

    And now, let's all join hands around the campfire and sing 50 or 60 verses of "She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain when She Comes".
  16. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    We should all do our duty and post something here.

    Let's not always see the same hands.

    I put "stupid jokes" in the search window. Here's is the stupidest joke I found. I don't understand it. I don't even know if there is something to understand.

    Once a person was eating a banana. But a guy went up to him and asked, "Where is Stanley Street? I want to know this because my name is Stanley Cup." So the person guided him to GM Place and said,"Bye!"

    Maybe this joke is from England?

  17. sues1

    sues1 New Member


    My son came home from school one day,
    with a smirk upon his face.
    He decided he was smart enough,
    to put me in my place.

    "Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
    that's taught by Mr. Wright?
    It's all about the laws today,
    The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

    It says I need not clean my room,
    don't have to cut my hair
    No one can tell me what to think,
    or speak, or what to wear.

    I have freedom from religion,
    and regardless what you say,
    I don't have to bow my head,
    and I sure don't have to pray.

    I can wear earrings if I want,
    and pierce my tongue & nose.
    I can read & watch just what I like,
    get tattoos from head to toe.

    And if you ever spank me,
    I'll charge you with a crime.
    I'll back up all my charges,
    with the marks on my behind.

    Don't you ever touch me,
    my body's only for my use,
    not for your hugs and kisses,
    that's just more child abuse.

    Don't preach about your morals,
    like your Mama did to you.
    That's nothing more than mind control,
    And it's illegal too!

    Mom, I have these children's rights,
    so you can't influence me,
    or I'll call Children's Services Division,
    better known as C.S.D."

    Of course my first instinct was
    to toss him out the door.
    But the chance to teach him a lesson
    made me think a little more.

    I mulled it over carefully,
    I couldn't let this go.
    A smile crept upon my face,
    he's messing with a pro.

    Next day I took him shopping
    at the local Goodwill Store.
    I told him, "Pick out all you want,
    there's shirts & pants galore.

    I've called and checked with C.S.D.
    who said they didn't care
    if I bought you K-Mart shoes
    instead of those Nike Airs.

    I've canceled that appointment
    to take your driver's test.
    The C.S.D. is unconcerned
    so I'll decide what's best."

    I said "No time to stop and eat,
    or pick up stuff to munch.
    And tomorrow you can start to learn
    to make your own sack lunch.

    Just save the raging appetite,
    and wait till dinner time.
    We're having liver and onions,
    a favorite dish of mine."

    He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
    to watch on my VCR?"
    "Sorry, but I sold your TV,
    for new tires on my car.

    I also rented out your room,
    you'll take the couch instead.
    The C.S.D. requires
    just a roof over your head.

    Your clothing won't be trendy now,
    I'll choose what we eat.
    That allowance that you used to get,
    will buy me something neat.

    I'm selling off your jet ski,
    dirt-bike & roller blades.
    Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
    It's in effect today!

    Hey hot shot, are you crying,
    Why are you on your knees?
    Are you asking God to help you out,
    instead of C.S.D..?"