Stupid things people say...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rushing, Sep 23, 2003.

  1. Rushing

    Rushing New Member

    How do you all deal with all the rediculous things people say to you? Today I was informed that I'm a pain in the (insert body part here). My husband said all this because I ask for what I need to feel better. He said I've been asking for things all week. Maybe so. I needed refils on my meds, medication for something else, and possibly a quick neck rub to relieve the incredible tightness I was having. Pardon me for knowing what I need to feel better, and asking for it. My grandfather also informed me that if I would just stop reading so much about my health problems then I probably wouldn't have as many problems, because when I read about them I create them in my head. How is it that someone who supposedly cares about you can say such insensitive things?! What are some of the bonehead comments you all deal with, and how do you respond. I really need some comebacks to shut these people up quickly, because when I get defensive, that just makes it worse. Man, do I feel cruddy right now!
  2. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Sorry you are having this problem. It seems we all have someone who simply does not want to face up to the fact that we are ill.

    I have had FM for over twenty years, so I could write a 'book' on the remarks people have made to me in all this time.

    But since I have always had a very 'sharp' tongue, they usually didn't make the mistake more than a few times, as they did not like the replies they got from me.

    As for my husband, he was not a believer either, but I read him Devin Starlanyl's book; 'The Fibromyalgia Advocate', a few chapters each morning with breakfast.

    After the first few chapters, he was 'cooking' me breakfast :), now he is my biggest supporter, and never complains when I need something, from a back rub to going to the store.
    When he hears of something at work that might help, he goes get it before he comes home. He also insisted on buying the computer so I could find out more about this strange illness I have. He also taught me how to use it, the only advantage I had with a computer was I used to be a typist!

    I was already ordering supplements from Pro Health, so this was the first board I came to, thats 2 1/2 years ago, I am still here and still learning. I have come a long way with the help I have found here from others like myself, all of us suffering with little or no help.

    The doctors were not doing much good for me, as I am allergic to most meds anyway.

    My husband came to the conclusion that I have 'one pain' that travels all over my body! Its kind of sums it up in a way.

    My daughter was the hardest to convince, as she was so used to a super Mom that did everything and anything for her and everyone else in the family as well as her and her brothers friends. Yes, I had FM at the time, but as I got older I could not function like that anymore, I had to face up to the fact that my lifestyle had to change if I wanted any kind of life now.

    Her attitude was; 'I think you are just tired of all the 'commitments', so you just want to be left alone now that we are all grown'!
    Well, after sometime had passed, she finally realized that I was sick, not just dodging 'commitments' as she put it.
    I also gave her and her brothers each a copy of 'From Fatigue to Fantastic' by Teitelbaum. That solved their problem with me also.

    As for 'friends', well I just got rid of all those that were 'toxic', I have CallerID, and to me its worth its weight in gold. I only speak to those I know will not stress me. It took years to get my life where it is as stress free of people as possible. But it was all worth it.

    I even moved to the country, which was a big asset, everyone is more or less longdistance so I get fewer and fewer calls from those I do not need to speak to anyway. No one visits unless they call first, then its up to me if I feel well enough for company.

    I had to laugh about your Grandfather, if mine were alive he would be my biggest believer, as he also suffered from pain that no doctor could diagnose!
    I was the grandchild that would rub him back for him!!! You know, thinking back on his pain, I do not recall ever once thinking that he was making all that pain up..............

    I don't know if this helped any, but sometimes if you can just educate people it does help.

    Have you ordered any of the pamplets from Pro Health? If not, you might want too. Just go to the 'first post' at the top of this page, click, and you can order up to 99 of them free/postage paid. They are short and to the point, but they do get the point across about CFS/FM!

    Good luck, and I hope you are feeling better soon.

    Shalom, Shirl


    BILLCAMO New Member

  4. EMayer

    EMayer New Member

    My husband says all that your's does and what your G-father says....but the only thing is that his mom has it and he believes her but since I'm good at covering up pain in a physical manner he thinks I'm full of sh**! The other night when he made a rude comment I just told him that I'm well aware that he doesn't believe that I'm in pain and that's okay because I've excepted that (even thought my blood was boiling!)so If he doesn't have anything nice to say then I don't want to hear it! Then as usual he had to have the last word and as usual so did I so I told him to eat sh**! lol, that's my usual comeback but I can't say that it ever works,lol!
  5. Sissy70

    Sissy70 New Member

    My husband used to say negative things and treat me like a 5 year old at times until I really laid into him about the way he was treating me. I had to totally explain (to the best of my ability) that I am in pain constantly and does he honestly believe that I would go from super mom and super wife to sitting on the couch doing nothing if I weren't really sick. I also had to tell him that just because I can not do everything for myself that doesn't mean I am some child that needs reprimanded. I still have relatives that say some stupid things, but so far I just ignore them as they are old and set in their ways and I just don't know if me saying anything will make a difference and I just don't want to start problems in the family. It hurts worse coming from a spouse because you have to live with them and they are suppose to love and support you no matter what. Why would anyone in their right minds make up an illness such as this? My husband is not very supportive and tries really hard to think about what he is going to say before he says it. He no longer acts as if I am crazy. His mother is a hypochondriac and has been his whole life so he had a really hard time dealing with my illness initially. He just totally shut me out for the longest time. Now that we had that huge fight about me not being a child, etc.. and I told him that I would sooner leave him then be treated so poorly he has made it a point to be more supportive and more open. I realize that it might take more with other people. I read him a lot of posts on here and a lot of articles from other people's points of view on the illness and that seems to help as well. My girlfriend that was diangosed with FMS six months ago is having the same problem with her husband right now. He just recently read an article on this website and so far he is acting more understanding than he ever has before so maybe hearing the same things come from someone elses mouth makes a difference. If he is open to reading or being read to from some of these articles and posts I would do that and see if it made a difference at all. I am going to purchase that book stricken and make my husband read that as well. I find that it doesn't hurt to remind him of how bad I feel from time to time through someone elses words. For some reason another persons words carry more weight than my own. That sort of bothers me, but as long as I get my point across that is all that truly matters. Good luck with getting your spouse and your grandfather to open their eyes and treat you as you should be treated.
  6. bibby

    bibby New Member

    Seems like no one or very few believes nor understands the pain we're in except each other. If you look at us we look ok so people just judge the cover not the contents as usual. I got so angry with my husband for some really insensitive thing he said to me like "well you look alright" I exploded at him and ask "what, you're not going to believe I'm sick unless I have a big horn growing out of the top of my head or something". That took the wind out of his sails for all of 1 day. Anyway, I guess we'll keep up the battle and maybe one day with all the research that's taking place they will discover what causes FM and know better how to treat it.
    Gentle hugs,
  7. jadibeler

    jadibeler New Member

    The stupidest thing anyone ever said to me was back when this disease was called Myofibrositis and there was no information on it out there at all. This young woman (20 years younger than me)was healthy at the time and I knew she considered me to be the laziest thing going. The last time I bothered to explain it to her she shrugged her shoulders and said "Well, I never heard of it", in a tone of voice that said "therefore, it can't possibly exist".

    Unfortunately to say, she found out the hard way that you can be very, very ill without showing it. She died of breast cancer at the age of 35. She had it too long before she realized anything was wrong with her.

    As for a comeback, on several occasions, mine has been "And you got your medical degree where - at Sears?"

  8. Finished

    Finished New Member

    I just stay in my comfy home where I belong. I try not to go into public because people might actually want to talk to me. I would rather not talk to anyone, therefore, avoiding the nasty comments.
    Guess my name should have been HERMIT. lol
  9. dizzymindy67

    dizzymindy67 Guest

    i get accused of reading articles about things and then going wow im not alone!! so, i will tell my husband and he says, oh so you know that that's out there now- you have it or think you have it!!! yeh, i have nothing better to do than to read about all this and start adding symptoms to my list as a daily chore!!!! give me a break!! i found the more reading ive done on fibro and all its symptoms the more i can say ok . this is what i think is going on , i'll tell my doc. and try to get rid of it or help it.the more you know about it the more you can help yourself and others. duh..... thanks for the venting time. dizzy
    PS im not lazy and i dont feel better when i try to push myself -i know my body's limits not anyone else does!!![This Message was Edited on 09/25/2003]PSS: have you ever been told youre just out of shape and that's your problem????
    [This Message was Edited on 09/25/2003]
  10. Skylar

    Skylar New Member

    I said help doc. My arms and upper body burn so much they feel like I am wearing gasoline lit by a match. He said you have a back injury, it doesn't make sense that your you hurt above the waist. Go see a psych.

    Same doc. Hey, doc I am so exhausted. He said, Drink more coffee.

    I said, Later doc.

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    Was said to me by a Stupid Doctor whom I no longer see.

    You have too many complaints... you must be menopausal.
  12. michaele

    michaele New Member

    Oh, JoAnn-----I LOVE your comment on where the person got their "medical degree"!!!!! I'm going to try to remember that one!

    Krystal, my mother-in-law says the exact same thing about me reading too much and therefore I have what I read. Believe it or not, she WAS a nurse!!!! (40 yrs. ago) Anyway, you NEVER will convince some people, so don't waste your time trying. I have tried and tried to educated my family and the husbands and they don't want to be informed, I suppose. I've given pamphlets, articles, etc. and I am now sure they have gone unread bec. a ? will be asked and I KNOW they would've gotten the info. from one of the pieces of literature I gave and since they don't know the answer, they didn't bother to read what I gave them! Btw, the last brochure I gave my mother-in-law, which was last week, I told her that it was interesting and she should read it. It was really short and not complicated. Well, later she called me and asked me some stupid question and I responded with, "well, obviously you haven't read the brochure I gave you or you would know the answer to that." and I did not tell her the answer!!! She said something like she didn't have time........yea.....she sits around her house all day and rarely goes out. That is NOT an excuse for this lady! Anyway----keep your chin up. It gets to me also. But, that is what we are all here for-----encouragement. I believe you!
  13. RatLuver

    RatLuver New Member

    Since most of us aren't in a wheelchair or walking with a cane, most people won't believe there's anything wrong with us.

    It's seems I'm less likely to get dirty looks or comments from nosy ignoramuses when parking in a handicapped space, when I'm wearing my neck, wrist, and back braces.

    When rude SUV drivers honk at me for not driving 90 mph down the streets, or 120 mph on the freeways as they want to do, I just ignore them. I've stopped flipping them off since we never know who might have a gun in their vehicle nowadays.

    When people find out I'm on longterm disability and say mean or stupid things, I say to them "and what medical school did you graduate from?," or "just what is it that qualifies you to judge me?," and "your opinion is ignorant and therefore holds no merit with me."

    When a doctor says something unkind I say "you don't live in my body so you don't know what I feel. You doctors don't know everything that can go wrong with the human body. When you can't diagnose or solve a patients problem, it's easier for you to just blame the patient, rather than just admit you don't know."

    I don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't disbelieve and insult me and regularly hurt me re: my health problems, which is why I will no longer date anyone. Better to be alone and lonely, than miserable in an unsupportive and/or abusive relationship.

    I never would have dreamed in my healthy, hard-working 20's, that I'd be on disability in chronic pain and alone at 47. Sh-t happens. Just have to deal with it and make the best of it.