Suffering in Silence----how many of us do it daily?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by griswoldgirl, Jun 2, 2003.

  1. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    I can't get up each morning-but I do.
    I can't work my knee out any more, but I do.
    I can't clean my laundry any more, but I do.
    I can't take care of my kids, but I do.
    I can't bear it anymore, but I do.

    Any of this sound familiar? I have not posted in a long time. For those of you that "know" me hi from the trenches. for those who don't know me hi from the trenches.

    I just woke up this morning and it is another day of recruiters while my husband and I are trying to find employment. Technically, my ACL reconstruction surgery was a sucess and I am ready for work after 9 long months after the first surgery in Sept of last year followed by 2 more including recon in january. I have been to physical therapy or the gym a minimum of 5 days a week for this period of time. Was doing great until I fell last week and I am having enough pain that it is scaring me and have to see the doc to make sure I did not losen any of his handy work--can i say this to my husband--no way--he would freek. You see he sleeps all day inorder to work so it it my job to field the phone calls daily 7-9 hours a day and fax the resumes and set up phone interviews etc. These recruiters are monsters, most of them--they lie and screw around with your details inorder to get a commision and the jobs they present are nt what they appear to be and you do not find this out until we talk to the hospitals directly. It stinks!!!!!!!!!! I used to do sales and I can sell ice to eskimos without lying-why cant they?? does no one have any integrity anymore?????????/

    We are both in the health care imaging field and have been now actively looking for work for 2 months with the willingness to relocate and are coming up empty. I look up and ask why?

    This morning I realized I am in such a huge flare from all the stress, and no one really to share it with. My husband is on the verge of a nervous breakdown after having to do travel work and work 7p-7a away from his kids and home for months now while I "recooperated". I dont want to drone on but along with fibro i have had a hysterectomy= everything gone from severe endometriosis, cspine fusion surgery and 3 knee surgeries in the last 3 years--------------I am worn out. I am burnt out. I am still on medication for pain to survive. I do not feel like even if I find this perfect job-that i can pack up the house let alone hold the job together once i get it. I still have not taken my boards for I cannot concentrate through all the daily aches and pains, allergies, incotinence, ibs, irritability and lack or energy. Heck I cannot even keep up with the laundry and my home. and I am here every day now and have been for months.

    I cannot pick up the phone or even dare say all this to my husband who will totally loose it, but I think for those of you that gave up the fight and surrendered to disability, I applaud you for your courage. I think it takes more courage to admit you are defeated than to keep pushing yourself into illness. I have IBS interstitial cystitis, depression and very weird mood swings just to name the top 4 list then of course we can add CFS which has definately roared its ugly head after many years of not showing up. I am exhausted and have not had a clear thought in I do not know how long now----it just does not end for us.

    My 14 year old who has fibro also finally did it and tore her knee up in soccer and is possibly facing surgery now. We have not even paid for my last three yet. Our credit cards are maxed, our bills are behind, we need to be out of our apartment in 6 weeks and no job to go to yet.

    And with my husband now away from home for the most part for almost 5 years I have done all this as a single mother. I do the bills(you know the majic trick of paying 1500 in bills with 1000) every two weeks--in collections for every doctor bill i have--and cannot always fill meds when needed. I have been without my hrt for a week now--mood swings in full force. I am going to call my docs and see if I can get some samples--maybe who knows. I know there are solutions to every problem-but to solve 15 a day is tiring.

    Deep down in side I am a spiritual person and tell myself god will provide, we will be fine----but intelectually I am saying WHERE ARE YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN????? HELP!!!!! WITH NO ANSWER.

    I cannot fax another resume, but I do.
    I cannot field another phone call from a recruiter, but I do.
    I cannot type, but I do.
    I cannot keep up and I don't.

    Sorry so depressing--I just had to reach out and tell someone. My support system consist of a couple of girlfriends that are in the middle of their own crisises and we try and help each other, but it is hard we are all lost souls at the moment.

    Then I remembered you guys that I have not talked to in months, my fibro sisters and felt that I could tell you what was on my mind.

    Thanks for always being here

    in friendship and love

    griswoldgirl aka cathy
  2. smyle4moi

    smyle4moi New Member

    i am feeling EXACTLY that way!!! only no pain meds....hubby doesnt get it...i think he doesnt believe me....baby not sleeping at night still (1yr old) older kids 12 and 8 not helping....i cant do any of it...but i do....AMEN! i will try to remember to add you to my list for prayers....Lori
  3. bejo

    bejo New Member

    They always say this ia a lonely disease and it truely is.We have to hold so much of it inside us,when sometimes we cry for someone to talk to about it.((((cathy))))
    bejo
  4. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    I thought if I just ignored all my symptoms they would go away. Today I ask myself would I be in such a bad way if I would have started taking care of myself instead of everyone else would I not be like this today. I had to give it up my body just quit while driving home. It scared me enough to finally do 1 of the hardest things in my life, file for disability. I was so torn, where some peolpe are happy when they get it, I dealt with such mixed feelings. I had no choice no 1 would insure me and the bank was running on low. You will have to make that decision before you may be bedridden. I am not afraid of being alone, I am, what I hate is the lonliness of this DD. You need to put things in writing and start a new life from there. Sometimes listing the pro`s and cons or feelings on paper of where you are truly at in life,honestly, may help you to adjust your life.Everyday is a struggle and I feel your words exactly.

    Huggsss~~~~~~~
  5. stilhere

    stilhere New Member

    I'm Jessica and I feel that way too! But I'm a single mom with 4 kids 17, 15, 14 (boys) and a 3 year old girl and am suffering from Lupus SLE and Scleroderma and other things too. but the one thing I wanted to share is I came across a site ...helpingpatients.. that says it will help patients pay for medications. I took a closer look at it and it seems like it is legitimate.....curreently I'm okay on my meds. but there have been times that I've done without and I think if that happens again, I'm trying this site, it looks like they go straight to the manufact.

    in Christ
    Jessica
  6. rlb

    rlb New Member

    I just found this site last week and am sooooooo happy that I did!I love reading the board when I am able my last 2days were in bed feeling like poop so I haven't been online.I always read the first messages and I wish I could stay and read alot more but I can't but when I do this sounds crazy I get comfort from the post that I read because now I know I am not alone!So my point is Don't Suffering in Silence Anymore.Your post made me cry and we all feel your pain and suffering at this site!So whenever you feel down and have NO one that really understands how WE feel and you don't want them looks(if you know what i mean) please e-mail me or post.THIS IS A COMFORT ZONE!
    MY E-MAIL rob630@msn.com
    PLEASE ANYTIME E-MAIL ME. YOU CAN YELL,SCREAM,CRY OR WHATEVER,OK?
  7. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi cathy,
    Im sharon & am one of your fibro sisters & im sure there are a lot more on here,so remember youre never alone on here girlfriend.
    Life can be so hard & at the moment im quite lonely because my best friend has got engaged & is spending all her time with her man.
    I always look forward to getting online & contacting my fibro family,it lifts my spirits.
    Please remember youre never alone here so anytime you need a friend im here for you ok?
    Take care & keep praying because when god does answer your prayers you need to be ready.
    Ill pray for you
    sharon d(uk)
  8. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi cathy,
    Im sharon & am one of your fibro sisters & im sure there are a lot more on here,so remember youre never alone on here girlfriend.
    Life can be so hard & at the moment im quite lonely because my best friend has got engaged & is spending all her time with her man.
    I always look forward to getting online & contacting my fibro family,it lifts my spirits.
    Please remember youre never alone here so anytime you need a friend im here for you ok?
    Take care & keep praying because when god does answer your prayers you need to be ready.
    Ill pray for you
    sharon d(uk)
  9. epicurean

    epicurean New Member

    how badly some people really feel.Sometimes I just read the posts on here and you can read between the lines how bad things are for some people.I do think about many here and do wish them well-sorry that is all I am able to do for them!!