suggestions on dating

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by starpriestess, Apr 28, 2006.

  1. starpriestess

    starpriestess New Member

    I've gotten the courage to go to online dating, but I'm scared to death that I won't be able to withstand the energy that a relationship requires, so do I say upfront that I have problems or wait or don't say anything?
  2. BabiCati

    BabiCati New Member

    for them to get to know you better and if you like him, tell him. If he does not react well, he is not worth it. That is the advice others on this board have given me.
  3. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I can definitely tell you this which is take your time with dating in general, online or not.

    I am currently dating a guy and we have been together for almost 2 months. He has been there, and has told me over and over I will be there for you, and it is hard for me to believe as so many have said that and then they fall off the face of the planet and leave me hanging so I have gone on to assume that people are not of their word these days.

    But I looked into his eyes today, after bawling my eyes out with him, and telling him how I felt as much as I could express. Anyway long story short he assured me he was not going anywhere and that he will be there for me. You will need to learn how to believe me. I told him it is hard cuz of my past experiences BUT I decided to just learn how. It will be a difficult lesson but I think God is telling me something.

    He has taken the steps to meet my family and that is a good thing that he has done so that my family knows who he is. He did that all on his own.

    Anyway from what I have learned so far in dating with these DD's is that it takes a special type of guy to be open, and the guys are out there, it takes time. However please make sure that you enjoy yourself on your dates.

    Much love!
    [This Message was Edited on 04/28/2006]
  4. wangotango

    wangotango New Member

    i give the dating thing a break. the last time i tried the girl said, "i have a sister that has cfs and i know what it is about" so after about 4 dates she called me one night during a bad spell with fatigue and brain fog. she prety much insisted we go over to her sister's and meet her at 9pm an hour drive. i told her i could not and she got mad and i told her not to call me any more !
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Every now and then there's a post addressed to men and a few of us show up.

    I'll tell you something most women don't want to hear, but at my age I'm allowed to pontificate a little.

    The man who makes an exciting date does not make a good husband. You want a guy who looks good? Fine, but he may be conceited, may play around after marriage and may spend his earnings on fancy threads.

    Ditto a guy w/ a flashy car.

    You do not need a husband who can't hold a job or has an addiction. Women who are attracted to "bad boys" need counseling.

    You should want a husband who will fulfull the role of a husband. A little dull maybe, but someone who will bring home a paycheck, help around the house, act a father to the kids, be reliable and trustworthy. A sense of humor is a big plus.

    The concept of romantic love is a modern notion greatly encouraged by movies, romance novels and soap operas. A news item on the internet last year said romantic feelings are short-lived, a couple years at most.

    Look at me. My partnership has lasted 25 years so far. (Of course it's w/ another man........)

  6. goaska29

    goaska29 New Member

    I met my current boyfriend about 2-3 months before becoming ill. He BARELY got to know the "real" me, and most of our relationship for the past year and a half has been filled with uncertainty and doctor visits. When we met, he was only 24 and I was 25. I constantly feel incredibly guilty about robbing him of a "normal 20's".

    At the same time, I couldn't imagine not having him to lean on. How many 24-year-old recent college grads do you know would stick with a chronically ill girl that he only knew for 2 months? He deserves sainthood.

    But I will say that there are times I wish I was alone. Times that the relationship itself it too stressful for me to handle with this illness.

    My advice is to not mention the illness to a prospective significant other until it begins to get closer. Let them see you for who you are before they just see an illness. I know my boyfriend only sticks around because he had that short time of only focusing on my personality and not my illness first.

    But I'm no Dr. Phil ;)

  7. natrlvr2

    natrlvr2 New Member

    I do not tell anyone I am disabled(and why) unless he asks.They usually say..."what do you do for a living/ or where do you work?"I do not lie and as soon as they hear I can't work(even though you would never see any disability)they drop me.The ones that would start to date me or either from a foreign country or they are too old.I am 47 and I do not have anything in common with a 60 yr. old.
  8. Keeshondmom

    Keeshondmom New Member

    We all have disability's especially that tend to show more as we grow older. We may have FM & CFS, but I have yet to meet any propective date man or woman of either my Son or Daughter that did not have at least an emotional disability.

    When the subject comes up, my Daughter very politely says. " we all have a cross to bear and mine is ....".
    It really helps to let the man she is dating know, that she has the utmost of empathy for others.

    She has yet to find the man she wants to spend her life with, but has built several meaningful male relationships with guys who introduce her to like minded buddies.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2006]
  9. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Although over the hill now, if I had the opportunity to date I would tell him during the first date about the FM/CFS. I know this may go against conventional wisdom, but I am just like that: go right after the problem.

    If his reaction is negative-good, at least I know.
    If his reaction is positive-good, now we shall see

    I believe in going after something head-on and in dating I would not waste any time. But that is just me.

  10. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    I read the other posts and it was interesting to read from two guys that said to tell about cfs right away. Always good to get a guy's perspective.

    I was told point blank by a few different guys that they wished i wouldn't have told them right away about cfs, they would have rather just gotten to know me first. Having said that, I have done it both ways. Sometimes right away, sometimes not til after a few weeks. The questions can be tricky, i got very good at talking around/telling parts of my life. Eventually they want to exercise together, pick you up from work, or something that makes you want to just tell them about cfs. Not one guy ever told me i should have told him sooner and I sometimes asked them what they thought, so i would have insight for the next guy. Also, what if you go out a few times and you don't like him? Then you went through all the anxiety (at least me) of telling him when you didn't need to. You're just tryin them on for size, to see if you want to see them again.

    I say, go and have fun and meet your dates. Sometimes you just want to do "normal" things, like have dinner with a guy, be told you're cute, and have something positive or hilarious to talk about with your friends. All the stress was worth it for me. :)

    Have fun and keep me posted!

  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    it has been so true...

    dr phil has a recent book out i can't remember the title but i do own...he has online dating tips ect...check out his web site..

    i ihave neve done the online thing...

  12. Lalania1970

    Lalania1970 New Member

    Well from experience I got daring to do the online personal thing & guess what I met the most wonderful man. I asked him in second email what he wanted as far as relationship, and told him about health issues and if he could deal with them as it can put a damper on parts of relationships. 3 days later we met in person and now we are living together and he had to go through one of my BAD days yesterday and he was awesome and understanding. And so were the kids. which I now went from 1 to 4. Boy what happiness. Lots of work but helps mentally. Give it a try and you might be like me and find Mr Wonderful. If they cant except the health issues and that you have days you cant move they arent worth it. I have had relationships in the past that have ended because they couldnt deal with it. Good Luck!!!!