Suicidal thoughts ......(POLL)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dojomo, Oct 28, 2002.

  1. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    How many of us have considered this at one time or another ?......Wondering how desperate we can become.....DJ
  2. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    How many of us have considered this at one time or another ?......Wondering how desperate we can become.....DJ
  3. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    It has crossed my mind....I was wondering if I was alone......DJ
  4. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    I would throw myself in front of a speeding train, to SAVE any one of my four children, or four grandchildren.
    I could never throw myself in front of that train, to ease any discomfort I was experiencing. I could not hurt them intentionally this way.
  5. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    your so smart !!!.....feeling at the end of my rope lately.......Was wondering if I am the only one that wants OUTTA THIS !!!

    Karen....I am one of those LONERS....doing this all by significant other, no children...and family has abandoned me.......If I died one would know except the bill collectors.......DJ
  6. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    Yes, I have too. It`s hard not to feel that way sometimes.
    I`ve had times where I just want out and feel like I cant` do this anymore, but then some strength comes from somewhere and I feel better about it.
    I could never do that though because I have a family and I know It would hurt them so bad.
  7. marinemom

    marinemom New Member

    Does jumping off the refridgerator count?

    No, Karen, I haven't cleaned it off yet! Still looking for the ladder!

    Don't think I'm trying to make light of your situation, because that's not the case. I HAVE a family, but I have NO support. So, I know some of how you feel. I have learned to hide the hurt with a whole lot of jokes. If I can laugh at myself, well, there's half the battle. Makes my teen mad when I beat him to the punch!!

    Crawling back under my bed.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/28/2002]
  8. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    We`re your family here and we care and would be crushed if you did. Together we can all get through this.
    Much love
  9. sofy

    sofy New Member

    Probably everyone on the planet has had a brief moment of thought on the subject. When I was in excrusiating pain 100% of the time with prm arthritis I never once thought about it because I was still me just with pain. Now my most bothersome problem is the failure to be. By that I mean the loss of cognitive ability and inability to take in feelings or information. I was a zombie at Xmas. I could learn to adjust my life to any sort of physical limitations but the loss of self is hard to justify taking up space. In a pragmatic way I have asked myself why be here if I only take in air, eat and breath and cannot react and inneract with those around me. I don't have an answer and still have small glimpses of self and hope that the next visit will have the answer. It is my understanding that many who commit the act do so because they are in so much emotional pain. Have seen family members who knew the torment and no hope of help for their scizo. loved one who seemed to completely understand and almost be glad that they are at least free of the torture. I am grateful not to be suffering anything near that kind of existence. An on and on she goes, the mind is fading due to fatigue. will stop
  10. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    And I also suffer from clinical depression among other illnesses, but I would never be able to hurt my hubby or son like that - love them too much!!!!!!!
    If you are seriously thinking along those terms, please go get help..I realize how bad the pain can be, but there is always help available for thoughts of suicide........
    Take Care..........Donna
  11. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    I am sorry you are having to wing this with out any support, from your family. Sometimes even those of us with family feel alone, in this.
    One thing I realized after coming to this board, and hearing the stories of others, is that I can really count my blessings, there are so many in far worse condition than I. I try to use this--knowledge to make those who are down feel better. It even has the wonderful side effect, of making me feel better in the process. We all have the need to feel needed.
    I mistakenly thought this was just a simple random poll. My answer, I guess did sound lofty, in hindsight, if you are suffering from such thoughts. Please excuse me, I never meant for it to come across that way. I think, perhaps I was trying to express, that I have found something to feel "grounded" in, and find a sense of self worth in---my family.
    I have read, enjoyed, and garnished information from your posts dojomo---you have helped those of us here. I am wishing for you--comfort.
    Best wishes,
    [This Message was Edited on 10/28/2002]
  12. I have to admit at some of my most painful times I wondered if it was all worth living suffering in pain. But then I thought what if I did die and my flare from hell would have ended the next day. I do know that for years I was in remission from this fibro crap, so you just never know, your pain could go away as fast as it came. Please go get help if you are considering it. Talk to a minister, a suicide referral or your dr. Just don't do it, you are too important and death is forever.
  13. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    I am gonna take a bath and a nap......I am sure I'll feel better after that.......I'll be ok....DJ
  14. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Do keep us posted on how you're doing. I've been there too, but not because of my illness, or maybe it was. I had been treated for depression for almost 2 years, including 2 weeks in the hospital, and was not getting better.

    Instead I was noticing physical symptoms to which my therapist suggested I see my PCP for an exam. All that did was exactly nothing! He once again said I was suffering from anxiety and depression and of course all my bloodwork came back fine.

    That was in 1997. I was finally dx'd in late 2001. All that time I felt completely overwhelemd by trying to keep my home in some kind of order, sleeping away every Saturday, and then trying to do everything on Sunday.

    For those of you who haven't been there, it's not as easy as saying I couldn't do that to my family or friends. In fact less than a month before I first felt that way a good friend asked me if I'd ever been suicidal and my answer was no, I could never do that!

    When you are at the point that you feel like you have tried everything and there is no way to feel better it sometimes seems like the only option to end the suffering. I know now it's not and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I just want others to realize that when you are feeling suicidal you are not thinking rationally.

    I hope you will get help DJ. Counseling and medication can make a world of difference. And you know you have a lot of friends here who do care and would miss you.

  15. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    When I was first dx'd and all alone in the world, I thought about it and decided it was not an option. At that point the pain was primarily physical and that I could handle.
    Now, I have a husband and 4 animals who need my care, but the primary pain now is emotional, and that is much harder to handle. I realize that my illness and resulting inability to work is going to prevent my husband from ever retiring, and he is already in pain himself from OA because of the work he does. I imagine if I was gone, he could marry a healthy woman who could work full-time and travel with him in his old age. He could afford to retire in the country, which was our dream. I want him to be happy. I want at least one of us to have that dream.
    Therefore, I pray every night for God to take me home. I would not do myself in, as in my belief system, I'd just have to come back and do the same type of life over again, but I do wish I could find a way to make sure that my husband gets the happiness I feel he deserves, and that he cannot have as long as he has to put up with me.
    That's just being honest, folks.
  16. sofy

    sofy New Member

    Stop wishing your husband could have the life he deserves. He chose to be with you and you have the power to make his life the best possible. We want to be with people who make us feel good inside. Thats why the odd couples stay together. You and I might look and wonder what they see but they know because they feel it. Too tired to cook, open beans and franks and put out a candle. Too tired and hurt too much for sex. You can still explore alternatives and communicate the true meaning of sharing and giving together. The most erotic thing I ever had done to me was to have my feet and legs gently massaged. Telling him you wish he didn't have to be burdened with you will only make him feel miserable. Tell him he still makes your old broken body remember that old time feeling and your damn mad about not being able to do anything about it will make him feel good. I know this all sounds preachy but will risk it in the hope that you will be able to use some tiny little piece to have a good moment with your hubby.
  17. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    I think you opened my eyes to something (ah ha)..........I don't have to worry about anyone but ME!

    .....what if someone else was depending on me ? I would feel more stressed.......I guess we all have our own stuff to deal with.......thank you all. very. very much !!!...and I hope this has helped someone else out as well........
    ......Peace ...DJ
  18. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    Thanks, Sofy, I already do all those things you mention, and you are right they do help, and the things you say hurt, do hurt,and I thank God I figured that out a long time ago. My hubby is very sensitive (he has MVPS too, which causes sensitivity), so I try to protect his feelings.

    DJ - thank you, too! You have also helped me. Now we can both see the advantages of the other's position and it makes us both feel better. I'd call that a "win-win situation"!
    P.S. I just took my first foray to the depression board and read a few things over there, which made me realize that I definitely belong over there as well as here. Have you been there, DJ? I wish congress would pass the Mental Health Parity Bill, so I could afford to see a therapist.
  19. JodyMills

    JodyMills Guest

    Sometimes, I think when we are at our worst possible pain, that thought does flash through our brains. I have felt too many times lately that I just can't possibly go on. There is just no more strength to fight it any more.

    But then I look at my children and regain enough strength to think about tomorrow.

  20. Myth

    Myth New Member

    Been there. When I was 18 I was quite depressed and suicidal. I made my way out of that, and all the issues related to that. Now I am not depressed but I still have thoughts about death. I mean I feel like I am dying physically, but I am not. And I think from time to time that it would be easier to cope with everything if I actually were dying rather than this prolonged illness. If I were actually dying of some illness it would be out of my control, and I would just deal with that fact as would my family. With this illness there is an illusion of control- we always try to live up to societies expectations and try to achieve our goals as anyone would- and we realize that we cannot maintain that illusion. I never have thoughts about killing myself, because I think that would be a horrible thing to put my family through and besides I think evertually I will find a treatment program and coping strategy that will work for me (Well, I am hoping anyway). But I am still left with thoughts about death itself and how it would be easier if I died by means out of my control.
    My life is becoming increasingly affected by the FMS, and I unfortunately am finding that fact harder to deal with. There comes a point when you realize you are just existing and not living- and that is depressing. I am not depressed, but I have episodes of depression every so often. Makes me wonder if I am on a road that leads to where I once was. I like to think having once survived a deep depression that I am not going to get to that point again, but with FMS it is hard to avoid such feelings. I think we all get like this, but if thoughts of death and suicide become more tempting, or we become depressed all the time, then it is something that needs to be delt with. Going to the doctor is not always the best solution, but I have been contemplating seeing a therapist- perhaps they would have some ideas on how to cope with chronic pain.