SUNDAY 'PUNNIES' -- - - - LOL don't groan too loudly

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Feb 11, 2007.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Lexophiles - lovers of words - will enjoy these.

    1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    2. A will is a dead giveaway.

    3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    4. A backward poet writes inverse.

    5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

    6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    7. If you don't pay your exorcist you may be repossessed.

    8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

    10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

    12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

    13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

    15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

    16. A calendar's days are numbered.

    17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

    18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

    21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

    22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

    24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

    25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

    26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

    29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2007]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    No groans needed.

    Here are a couple bar puns.

    Duck walks into a bar and gets a beer. Bartender says, "Three bucks, please."

    Duck says, "Put it on my bill."

    Two fonts walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, Guys. We don't allow your type in here."

  3. sues1

    sues1 New Member

  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    LOL, those are funny too! Thanks!