suportive spouses

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DavidTeer, Mar 25, 2003.

  1. DavidTeer

    DavidTeer New Member

    I want tohear from suportive spouses male or female. Tell us what you do to take care of your loved one and share the little things that make them happy. I'll start by saying that I hold a full time job and do all the household chores. I see that Gee has everything she needs before I go to work and that she takes her meds. I fix foods that are good for her. If Gee says she is too sick to get out of bed then I take her meals to her.
    Gee loves it when I bring fresh flowers home to her. Or when I brush her hair. I try not to get upset around her.
    The list goes on but the best isthe fact that I knw that my wife is sick and that means the world to Gee.
    ok it is your turu
    Dave
  2. teawah

    teawah New Member

    Do you have a brother like you?

    My hubby has decided that I am a fake and he does nothing but criticize me and make fun of my pain. This evening he sarcastically said that I was a joke and that at least when he was in pain he didn't curl up in a ball and "boo-hoo" looking for attention.

    I wish I had somebody to support me as you support Gee. She is a lucky woman and this ((((((((hug))))))))) is for you both.

    Love, teawah
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You sound like my husband. He works for an oil company and is gone for weeks at a time. But before he leaves, he cooks meals for me and we freeze them so that I can have good food to eat, as I cannot eat fast foods, or junk food!

    He stocks the freezer, pantry and of course the dog food, we have five dogs, thats a lot of food!

    When he is home, he will do all the things that need to be done, so that I don't have to hurt myself when he is gone.

    He also brings me plants and flowers at times, and mega gifts from his travels.

    No, he does not brush my hair, it is long and I have a very sensitive scalp, so I do that before I get out of bed myself.

    You sound like a wonderful guy, and your Gee is a very fortunate lady. Lots of the ladies, as well as the men here have spouses that just can't understand how ill we can be.

    When my husband isn't home, my daughter will come over and put out the garbage for me, and take me shopping as I can't carry the groceries anymore. In fact, I only drive if its an emergency.

    My son does the grass cutting and gardening for me, I do pay him he is working his way through college late in life! He is a horticulturist, but decided he wanted to be a teacher now! He is a big help too.

    You are a fine man, and I commend you for you loving kindness to your lady.

    I sincerely hope Gee gets well soon, for both of you.

    Shalom! Shirl

  4. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Dave,

    Thank you for being such a good partner. Gee is a lucky woman to have you! Myself personally, I have just discovered a few weeks ago that I have FMS. My spouse has been having a difficult time with it all. He is the most loving, romantic, supportive guy, who would move mountains for me if I asked him to, but he does not know how to deal with this. He is the type who needs constant reassurance and affection. Unfortunately, I have been too caught up with my own pain, depression, and acceptance to have the energy to be there for him. I try to explain that I still love him, and that I appreciate him, but I cannot be the peppy, fun-loving, high energy girl that I once was. There will be good and bad days. I really give him as much as I possibly can. It just never seems to be enough for him. We have been talking about going to therapy together, which I think will help alot. I think that the biggest downfall for him is that I am not very interested in sex as much as I used to. Even if we are slow and gentle, it can cause "flare ups" of pain in my legs and back. I know he's trying to be patient, but it ends up building up into an argument. We talk about every detail about what we feel about everything, which is very good. But I wish he could truly see that I need his patience and understanding, not demanding for my attention and affection. If you have any ideas about how I could better communicate how I feel, I would love to hear it. I am just so sick of fighting and crying. Let me know what you think, Dave. Thanks!

    Kathryn
  5. debbiem31

    debbiem31 New Member

    You sound like a wonderful husband!! Gee is very lucky to have you, for there are too many people out there who are so unsupportive!

    My husband does all he can, which is alot. I don't believe I'm as bad off as Gee or some other people on this board. I work at home as well as take care of my 21 month old full time. I cook and clean, even though it kills me sometimes. I buy my own flowers on my Walmart trip!

    My hubby works many hours a week. He comes home and takes over with Seth, taking him on walks, running around outside or inside. He bathes Seth every other night (I can't do that chore!). He always asks if there's anything he can do for me (help cooking and such). I think if I were more incapacitated, he would do more, if needed.

    He's not real clear on all the aspects of my DD's, but he knows that I'm tired alot and in pain most of the time. If I have a doc appt or such, he has no problem coming home from work to watch Seth (we only have one car anyway!). I'm very blessed, as is your wife!!
  6. lagm31

    lagm31 New Member

    My DD was brought on by an auto accident involving my husband and I and a person who went through a stop sign. My husband has been so supportive I do not know where I would be with out him. When it comes to Dr. appointments he takes the time off work to drive me.He even goes in with me so he can hear what the Dr. has to say. Even though he works all kinds of hours he still comes home and says what can I do for you. He tries to be here to hold me when I need to cry because I hurt. He tries to be here to give me massages, helps me to bed, worries that I do not get enough sleep. When the depression (which is often) kicks in he tries to pick me up or tries to understand. On weekends he takes me to get our groceries, helps me with the house work, laundry and yes even cooks the list could go on and on. Now that the weather is starting to turn warm he has hung up our front porch swing so we can sit there at night together. I am so THANKFUL for him...I Thank the LORD each and everyday that we still have each other. Hope this helps others see their are SUPPORTIVE SPOUSES out there.. lagm
  7. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    but he doesnt care to read about or research the DD. Wish I could get him to come here and read some of the posts. I'm not sure he understands how I'm feeling, he just loves me enough to go with what I tell him.

    Hugs
    Annette
  8. teranan

    teranan New Member

    Does my heart good to know that there are some caring guys out there. I believe I'm one to, but in my case I'm the sick one. I do so appreciate my wife and all her help,and understanding when I'm having a flare of this DD. Lately its been a flare that won't let up,along with sinus infection. I have been really helpless,too sick to do much for myself.And she never puts me down,or doubts me.She is my rock and shes always there for me. She knows that when I'm my normal self. That meaning living with the fm pain that I've learned to live with,on meds.I try very hard to make it up to her--cook her dinner,some house cleanig etc.We do appreciate our spouses that can deal with us,and our DD. Bravo for taking such good care of your lady.--- Terry
  9. 2girls

    2girls New Member

    I too am blessed with a wonderful, caring, intuitive husband. He has always been supportive of me in our journey together. I was 15, he was 17 when we started dating. We married when I was 22 (been married 16 years) and we are more in love than ever! We have two daughters - 10 and 5 years old. The FM symptoms began two years ago (April/01). My husband has a home office, so he has been working from home for the last 3 years. What a blessing! He has taken me to every doctor appointment, ER visit, Massage therapy, you name it (I do not drive). He never complains, and works his schedule around my appointments (except when out of town). He takes his cell phone and laptop and works from the truck while I am in the doctor's office. He does things with the girls when I cannot. He does not cook, so occasionally he will pick up take out. We do groceries and errands together (all 4 of us) on weekends and he too surprises me quite often with gifts/flowers. He would do anything in the world for me, and he will never let me give up on treating this DD. I am so happy to hear some of us do have wonderful spouses.

    oh - I also get hugs all day too!!

    2girls
  10. wolflake46

    wolflake46 New Member

    Dave,

    You sound like a wonderful man, keep it up, my husband is not supportive at all all he does is drink that's how he copes with all of his problems. Gee is a very luky lady I hope she knows that. I am very envious of her. You sound like you treat her like a queen. You are quite a catch.

    Diane
  11. Frackie11382

    Frackie11382 New Member

    Dave,

    I was just wondering if you might do something for me. See, my boyfriend is like you: constantly doing things for me and helping to take care of me. I love him very much and we are planning on getting married. I was just wondering if you might email me with your email so I can give it to him. He needs the support as much, if not more so than I do. Please let me know...my email is in my profile. Thanks in advance!

    Friends in Fibro,

    ~~Tara~~
  12. babyblues68

    babyblues68 New Member

    Dave,

    Sounds like Gee is very blessed, even if she wasn't sick. You sound like one of the good ones.

    The second time around I was blessed with my bestfriend and now husband. He works very hard at his job, comes home and cooks, bathes and takes care of all the kids needs and mine. Tucks us all in bed and then has his little bit of time for himself. He never has ever complained about having to take care of me. Not to say he doesn't miss our old times of just picking up and doing anything, as do I. But not one complaint.

    God Blessed all the spouses/partners that take care of their loved ones. Weither we know it or not we are all blessed some how thru this DD of conecting with other human beings. Just trying to think positive.

    Tammy