Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by glenda2, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    wow i had a slap in the face lastnight!! i had a flare hit me hard while i was out. i was feeling my pain anyway but took my vicoden went to lunch with a friend then my husband & i went to a store to look foe=r a gazing ball. the flare hit me so hard he had to help me iut of the store & to the car. been very sick since this.

    my oldest daughter who knowa i'm sick still seems to think i can do more,like babysit all the time. i can't. i thought she supported me anyway up until she asked my husband if he thought it was all in my head!

    it hurt me i asked her about it & it turned into a huge fight & some how it was my fault! she said but when you go out you look happy when you stay home your sick!! well lets see yrs i am happy when i can go out because it doesn't happen very often,,yes when i am home i am sick THAT IS WHY I AM HOME!!

    but it goes back to because you are not crippled you don;t look sick..i am so upset it is jusst making me worse,,will be going to dr tomorrow...if my duaghter thinks this & i just found out about it maked me wonder how my other kids feel i thought i had the support from all of my family...WRONG!!

    we have dr. believing us i have disability for it there are comercials (not good ones) but she said she knoe i hurt but most is in my head..

    i don't know what to do she has my grandson i don;t want het to keep him from me but yet i am the only one tah will watch him for free,& she thinkd i'm mental but still leaves him with me.
    she is hard to get along with with anybody so if i say anything else to her it just turns into the biggest fight you have ever seen i can;t win for losing i give up! guess i should never ook happy or nice or for that mattter rvr leave the house again..

    my husband just thought she should know how sick her mom was now she is mad at both of us!

    thanks for lettin me vent!!

  2. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    My dd is angry with me but i cant let that be the end of my world. Her anger is her issue...not mine. I used to try to make ppl understand. No more. Thankfully ive gotten to the point where i dont care. I dont think its up to me to enlighten anyone about anything unless theres a genuine interest in learning. I feel its up to those that profess to love me to seek out the knowledge. Thats if they REALLY care. That said im sorry you dont have the support of your family. Makes living with this much harder.
  3. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    misfit & kjm..i needed to hear that,, i di havr=e the support of nost of my family (i thimk) i thought i had the support from one of my daughter just to find out i was wrong..makes me wonder how the rest really feel..i think my other 2 children understand. i know my mom my hubby & sis inlw & 1 brother,,just hopw my other 2 kids are telling me the truth about the support,,,just hurts my feelings.

    try to explain yes i am happy to get out even while still in some pain but i can bare it for awile with a vicoden..i'm happy to get out because it doesnt happen very often!

    i'm tired of explaining to her..daughter or not if she can"t support me i will love her fom a distance.
  4. shirley1259

    shirley1259 New Member

    I totally understand where you are coming from. My one son is always telling me that I am just lazy. He doesnt want to understand that Im in pain. My oldest son knows that I have alot of pain but doesnt understand how hard it is for me to watch my grandson every weekend. I am afraid of telling him I cant watch him because then I would probably not see him again for a long time. I really think that the only one who really understands is my husband. He knows what it is like because he has multiple sclerosis. I know that it hurts alot when they dont believe you but I have to hope that someday they will understand. Im not saying I hope they get this disease by any means, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Im just saying maybe they will learn more about what we go through.
    Sending you hugs.
  5. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    shirley your post sounds like me. my husband does support me & seea my pain. i am afraid the will stop letting me see my grandson after the big fight we had about this fibro and that will just kill me.

    glenp i hope they realize b4 im gone because it sure hurts...i thought they supported me up until lastnight...all this just stresses me out and makes things worse...

    i am not suicidal but i have just givin up now my kids are everthing to me..i don't care anymore.guess since im sick i am suppose to stay in the house and not get out the few times i do. and def. im not suppose to look happy!
  6. shirley1259

    shirley1259 New Member

    Glenda, I know it hurts what your daughter did but dont let that put doubt in your mind about how your other children feel. I have 5 children and in some ways they are alike but I have found that they all think in different ways about things. I also want you to know that you are special in your own right so dont let your kids be everything to you. They grow up and leave so you have to learn to be happy with yourself. I love my children very much but I have realized that it is not so bad being here with just me and my husband.

    As far as your grandson I understand how you would be scared of not seeing him again, however do you really think that your daughter will give up the free babysitting. I know no matter how mad he was at me for something he would still bring my grandson on Saturday night. The only way he wouldnt is if I told him I could no longer do it because of the pain. That is why I take him on weekends so that I can have some time with him. No matter how worn out I am afterwards.

    your daughter is mad at you for something entirely different than babysitting so Im pretty sure you will see your grandson. I will be praying for you that things all work out. Keep your chin up and know that you are special and if you dont believe me ask your husband.
    Love and Hugs
  7. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    thank you so much your words mean alot to me. i do hope you are right.

    it is saturday & my grandson is not with me,im in such a flare it may be a good thing but i have no idea who has him.

    my oldest daughter is not the easiest person to get along with no matter who or what but i thought we got past that. but somehow her asking my husband it this is in my head it's all my fault.

    i did ask my other 2 children if they thought that they said no nothing else just no...i was upset & crying when i asked so maybe they thought just say no & go on.

    i can not explain how bad this feels because all these years i thought they supported me. they have seen me be in the hosp because of it..gone to oldest daughter did a report on it in school and got an A on so im confused..

    i get out of the house now 1 time a week from 1time every month or 2. i guess if i get out i'm suppose to not comb my hair or put on a face or a smile..and wear my pjs like i do at homei get out after taking a vicoden to hopefully bring a little joy into my life not because i am any better i just thought it might help.

    right now all i can do is cry & sleep...

    i kept my grandson even if i was sick my husband was here to help grandson loves me so much i pray when he asked to come she lets him...he asked all the time before & no one will watch him like i did for very long..

    her apology to me was "i'm sorry i asked a ?" thay is not an aplogy for saying she thinks it is in my had & that i am mental! would it kill her to say im sorry for hurting your feelings? i won't get that though.

    well i am making this a long post again sorry. thanks for listening!!
    [This Message was Edited on 06/19/2010]
  8. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Do you think your daughter was just in a bad mood? Maybe had been bottling up some anger? I don't know her but could you use the quarrel as a starting point to address some issues.

    This has to be incredibly hard. My daughters went through something similar and I think part of it is they do not want to admit that their "strong mommy" is now sick. It can be scary for them even if they are adults.

    The one thing that helped was to keep the door open to communication. I finally said when you are ready to deal with this let me know but I will not tolerate such behavior. It took a long time for them to get this. Therapy helped me.

    It breaks my heart that I can not always babysit my grandkids.

    Hopefully you are doing better today. Let us know.

    Take care.


    ETA I did not see your last post. No that was not an apology. Things like this can literally eat you up. Do you have a friend to talk to possibly a therapist? As I mentioned above, it was this type of situation that made me see a therapist. She was also a nurse and her practice was made up of people who have chronic health issues. Believe me, she got it and was a wealth of information on how to deal with this DD, family, etc.

    It took me a long time to realize I did not have to explain this DD to everyone. But it was one agonizing trip to get there.

    Maybe some space between the two for a couple of days might help.

    I really wish you well. There are no easy answers.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/19/2010]
  9. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    I used to say the same thing you did...that my kids were my whole life. Now im thinking it wasnt the best thing i couldve done. I was so and so's mom...that was my only identity. There was no separate-ness you know? Now my grown kids still think i should live for them only...taking nothing for myself. I recently got very sick and neither of my daughters took it seriously. They still dont. I have THE most adorable 16 mo grandson..but theyre 2 hrs away and thats virtually impossible sometimes. I told my dd to never threaten to withold my gs from me. I can only control how i react to a situation not control anyone else and i dont do well when threatened. All you can do is what you can do. No more no less.
  10. shirley1259

    shirley1259 New Member

    I wish I felt like going out and if I did you can bet that I would not feel one bit guilty for doing something that I enjoyed. I know from experience that kids do not handle their parents being sick and they go into total denial because if their parents can be sick that means that they might not live long and it also brings on fear of the possibility that it might happen to them. I have seen this more with my children due to the fact that their dad has multiple sclerosis. When the ms got bad they seemed to lose all respect for him and were also very angry. They refuse to believe that he can no longer mow the lawn or shovel snow or do alot of the things that he used to be able too. They seem to have forgotten how hard he worked when he was capable of it. They are now doing some of the same things with me now that my fibro has gotten worse but not as bad as they have done and still do to him. I think it might have to do with a self preservation attitude. A way of defending themselves against pain.

    When you think about it from their side it is alot easier to think that it is all in our heads because if it is in our bodies it is more likely that we can die from it. I hope this makes sense I guess I am getting tired here and starting to ramble.

    just know that I care and keep me informed as to how you are doing. I hope she gives you a sincere apology soon.

  11. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    my daughter is always in a bad mood! thank God my other 2 are not.

    communication will be open but i am so hurt right now i don't want to talk to her she would just turn it into a fight. i will get over it but it will take some time.

    i want a real apology but will prob not get it. but i will be ok sooner than later i hope.

    thanks for caring
  12. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    it is sad that you do not get to see your grandson. you are right i can only control myself. i am usually good at that but she has my grandson..he loves me so much i know he will ask to come back i just hope she lets him.. but then again i am the only one who will take care of as often as she ask..thank goodness my hubby is here to help or i wouldn't be able to.

    thanks for listening to me
  13. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    when i go out i am talking about places like walmart dr or just out to eat with hubby thats it!!

    but it is a treat to me. i don't do well in public places anymore but it is noce to get out of the house.

    i can understand what you are saying about it being easier on them to think it is all in our head but i think it is disrespectful & wrong. even if it was in my head i am still her mother & she should want the best for me & have some compassion.

    i am doing better today but still very hurt..

    i am sorry you & your hubby had to go through that.

    i doubt i will get an apology except the one she gave about being sorry she asked a ?

    thsnks again for caring enough to post again
  14. gapsych

    gapsych New Member