Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by doxygirl, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    HI It's me Doxy! :)

    How are you doing girl! :)

    I think of you often and hope your doing well......please take a moment when you get one to tell me and the rest of us how your doing ok?

    We miss you and want the best for you......Iam now seperated from my husband is no cake walk that is for sure.....breaking up is so very hard to do!

    I am living at my sons house with he and his beautiful girlfriend ( if I have my way future daughter in law haha ) anyway I understand exactly what you are saying about living with your son.....I know my son does not want me to go back to my husband at all....and has told me I can stay here for as long as I want or need to without paying a cent!!!!!!!!!!

    BUT..........Iam the one who feels like a third I try to give them space by staying in my bedroom a lot...or going out to the mall or something.....

    I guess I am just trying to say that I can relate to what you are going through and....thank god for great sons that will take us mothers in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) :) :)

    Love you Suz
    write when you can!
  2. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I just bumped her last post to the top. Hopefully she will get an email notice and check in.

    How are you doing? Hope all is going smoother for you and your babies and son.

  3. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    How are you doing ?

    Thank you so much for asking how Iam!

    Iam hanging in there!:)...I am still living at my sons husband and I are talking but Iam in no hurry to go back....if I ever do!

    He is making me all kinds of promises and is trying so hard....he is even making appts for all of the things I asked him to ( anger management, abuse course, and evaluation by psych ).....I just hope that I can get past all of the hurt and anger I have from so many years of him treating me so bad..........

    Iam taking it one day at a that seems to be working for me :)

    Did you have a nice christmas?...mine was ok....not overly good but not bad either!

    I was so sick right before christmas that I ended up being admitted to the er for several has taken me over two weeks just to get some energy back and start feeling better.....but I do feel a little bit better!

    When you see this write me back and let me know how your doing!


    PS thanks for asking!:)
  4. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    I am so sorry that you and your husband have separated for now. But taking care of you is THE most important thing. Funny how you ended up with your son just as I did. I am glad that he is being so supportive of you!

    I wanted to let you know I am doing ok. Fibromyalgia has been a bear to deal with but that is to be expected when the stress is so high I guess. I have found a new doctor, and she is extremely supportive, and very encouraging about trying to help me manage the illness. So that was a big relief.

    Since I last posted, I have been to my initial court hearing. Stbx didn't even show up, and via his attorney was cooperative about the amount of money we initially asked for, and I have received payment from him in Dec. and January. It isn't much, but at least now I can help my son a bit with the expenses and be a tiny bit financially independent. We will be going after a bigger amount at the final hearing...but that isn't for months yet. I have no intention of hurrying this process as for now I am still able to have stbx paying for my health, car, life and prescription insurance! I am in no hurry for that to end.

    As for me, I am doing pretty well. I have worked hard to stay positive. I survived the holidays well mentally, but not physically. But I am ok with the fm crash, I expected that to happen. I am more concerned about my mental health right now. I have discovered many things about myself, and many realizations about the person I was living with.
    I know that he is having very , very, classic mid life crisis behaviours. I know that, as conceited as this sounds, I was the one that carried the relationship as long as it was. I was the one that created and supported most of what was good in our lives. I have built friendships for myself...and they have all gone with me! I have learned and grown as a person, I have many interests that I am still enjoying and persuing. None of that disappeared because my stbx 'can't and won't take care of me'...I have my life intact!

    What I don't have is his abusive words and dysfuntional behaviours anymore. No one in my life tells me I am worthless in any way now. No one belittles me. No one tries to control me. Being away from that has helped me recognize that I was in a bad situation...that I made the best of! But, in the long run, stbx has done me a favor. I am now free to be happy, and hopefully with that happiness and the large reduction of stress, I will find the fm improves somewhat as well.

    I KNOW that I am still next task is to unbury the girl I know still exists...and once I unbury her, I will bloom and grow again. I have discovered..and been told by my sons and my friends that I am a strong and caring woman. I look back over the years..and over the last 5 months ( it has been that long already) and see all that I have accomplished. I think stbx is still very shocked and very angry that this time I took charge of my life, I took control, and I LEFT HIM. I was the one that got a lawyer , and started the divorce. I was the one that figured out how to move with out him even knowing it was going to occur until I chose to tell him the day before I left. I was the one that moved forward with my life.

    Unfortunately for him , he is still stuck in anger, and denial. His sons are not speaking with him...they have lost respect for him...and all he has shown them is controlling behaviour and anger. They will have none of it .

    There is still alot of stress in this living sons both have feelings that they are working their way thru. My daughter has chosen to side with stbx at this point, and there is much distance between her and I and her and her brothers. That is sad, but I keep a positive loving attitude with her and have the hope that someday she will see thru stbx's crap, and realize that her mom is a loving caring person that just happens to have this ridiculous and debilitating illness. She is believing stbx about my mental health being compromised! My sons just laugh at the notion, they see me daily and know how competent their mom is!

    So, I am doing well mentally. I am focussing more and more on me..and less and less on 'him'. My goal for the start of this year is to gather all my doctors files and start the disability process. I am also tackling my bedroom. Little by little organizing it and making it my sanctuary. It is small, only 10x10..but it is MINE, graciously given by my son, and I intend to make it a space that envelopes me and makes me smile when I am in it. I am a painter, and I love to sew, and I am going to create a space in my room so I can do those things. I may not live in a 3000 sq ft house anymore, but where I do live has more love and security than I have known in a very long time.

    I will try to post more often...I feel like with this New Year starting I have turned a corner. I feel like I can now finally put my past behind me and go forward..keeping the things I loved doing from my past...and letting go of all the things that brought me pain.
    Many on this board cheered me on at a time where I needed it...hopefully I am now in a place where I can contribute again...and maybe I can help someone as I was helped when I needed it!

    Thanks for asking about me..
  5. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    Suzan, I was thinking of you yesterday. I am so happy to see that things are going so well.

    You are so strong and you will show the ex what you have and what he lost.

    much love and prayers to you
  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    yes, you are so right know walk in the park for sure. but you are both survivor's and will make it! if i could do it you both will too...

    remember we are not the only one's going through the various stages of dysfuncntional relationships....

    my only advice to you doxy is do not, repeat do not let him in your front door until he and you both have had the psych eval on your current hb...

    i only say that because that was one of my stipulations while i was separated back in 1997...he wanted to come back to me...i said fine, renew vows...we did in vegas...that was easy, new 1 ct. diamond ring, that was easy, then he was in my door and always made an excuse to not go get evaluated...

    i wasted another 3 years w/him not having him in dr.'s for his bipolar disorder and sociopathic tendencies. what a mistake on my part....he could not change his behavior due to the lack of meds/couseling...

    so stick to your guns ladies then possibly you will get what you want...and if you man does not change for the better...then he does not deserve you ladies...

    great big hugs to you both..

  7. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    So glad to hear frooom both of you gals and that you are doing OK. I am sure it has its hard times like you said but you both did the right thing. You are also so locky to have wonderful sons to want to take you in for the time being. How unselfish they both are. However, I am sure they got a good part of the deal to with nice mom's like you.

    Doxy - How are your children? I seem to remember that you have young children and one with a disability. I know about that. I have two grandchildren with disabilities - autism and PPD-nos - similar to autism in some ways.

    I was so glad to see this answer to Doxy's post to you Suzan and that you are coming along OK.

    Gee these boards are gereat with lots of glas who have been through so many hard times , etc. and can share them all with each other to help.

    By for now. Keep us updated on how you are both doing? Hi to you to Jodie. You have been a busy girl lately trying to get ready for school, etc. and taking care of Cody but he sounds pretty good now. Is he going through lots of therapy?

    Big hugs to you all,

  8. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    You wonder if anyone will remember you when you are absent from the board for a time, but there are always those that do, and it is great to get a verbal hug!!!

    Pain is bad the last couple days..but mental attitude is good. I am going to try to post more and rejoin my life, both online and off!LOL

  9. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    thank you all so much!

    Iam so happy to hear that you are doing as well as you are "GOOD FOR YOU"!

    and Iam not surprised at the condition your stbx is wallowing in......I still think someday he will make some kind of effort to reconcile with you....but thank goodness you have moved forward and on to a much better and healthier life for yourself..........

    what matters the most is that you are doing things for "YOURSELF" and feeling stronger just being you!

    I thank you so much for taking the time to write and fill me in on how your doing...and hope in the future you will not forget me and will keep me informed at your progress! ( JUST BECAUSE I CARE)!

    thank you to all of you who have helped to keep this bumped and for caring about me and are all the wind beneath my wings!XO


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