Taking control of my life....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Suzan, Aug 14, 2007.

  1. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    Well, when life feels like it is spinning out of your control..you must find a way to stop that spin..and start having some control again.....

    To that end...I am clearing out. I started in my bedroom...I took in a couple garbage bags..and started filling them up..with things that had no meaning to me. I did the same in the living room.

    My intent is to work my way thru each room in my house ( except HIS of course) and toss anything that requires time and effort in my day to care for..but holds no meaning for me. After 28 years...there is a lot of stuff here..that I have saved for the sake of saving it...or bought to decorate our HOME.

    I figure I will prepare to leave...and if I stay...well I will have less THINGS to take up time and my life...which leaves me more time to enjoy my life.

    So this is a win-win for me...It is making me feel like I am in control of my days...it gives me a task to focus on...and in the end...I will have less THINGS to deal with in my life. Garbage day is Thursday...and so all this stuff can leave on a weekly basis...

    I am feeling lighter already...but I have a long way to go.

    Things with husband have not changed...we are not interacting much at all...I feel he is definately pretending all is fine...He does seem to find some way each day to talk to me...but about nothing important...
    He even made a point of coming down for a soda when I was talking with my son 2 nights ago..and walked right between us as we talked. Do you think his curiousity got the better of him...?????LOL

    I am still in pain...
    I am strong...
    I will survive..

  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    good idea to me. I think most of us have too much stuff.

    Last time I moved I took carloads of stuff to the thrift stores. Resolved never to buy anthing again.

    Actually I haven't except groceries, a few necessities like socks and some CDs which are small and don't need maintenance.

    Glad to hear you are coping.


  3. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    You have the right attitude........you uplift me by your strength...we all have our problems besides CFIDSand or Fibro.

  4. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Great idea focusing on things you can control and doing something about it.

    Please consider donating your items to either a local shelter in your area or having a charity come and pick them up.

    You never know what will help someone in need.


    Nancy B
  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Glad you are doing it... sort of like symbolically getting rid of the 'excess baggage' emotionally too... wonder if he will pick up on that eventually, might be interesting if he does.

    Stay strong, you are right, you can and will survive and will probably feel better once most of this stress is gone.

    All the best,

  6. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    Normally I would donate all this stuff...
    But I can't deal with that right now....

    I filled a big garbage can...and 2 big black bags with STUFF. It truly was freeing...and inspiring to do!

    I wanted to just keep going..room by room, box by box...just 'deleting' my past..and lightening my load.
    I will stop just short of removing the feel of HOME for my son...it is weird enough here without making him feel like he is living in temporary housing!

    But I will keep going..and keep strong..
    What choice do I have!??


  7. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member


    We are so proud of you for your strength and common sense. Just keep it up. You know and are not under any illusions, and I am sure that you will have your ups and down, esp. when your H figures he screwed up royally OR starts trying to get back at you in some way. So just be prepared. Things can get nasty when you have to pay a lawyer and all that. I know, with my own daughter.

    Have you told him yet he has to do his own laundry, make his meals etc yet??? How is he fairing? Hope he is better than my DH who is used to me doing it for 45 years (-: !! He will do it if I am not there but if I am goine for 4-5 days he may not do any wash unless he runs out !!!!

    If you run out of things to clean you can come here and help me (-: !!!! A month or so ago I actually cleaned my closet and it was WONDERFUL !! I still have lots of others stuff to get rid of but I donated mine but I understand your feelings.

    Keep us updated!

    Lots of prayers and BIG hugs for you,

  8. poeticbobbi

    poeticbobbi New Member

    Yep,throwing out unneeded items is great and if the husband accidently gets put in one of those bags even better-Lol
    As my cousin would say" It Could Happen" Ok,maybe not,but I am just being bad today and I thought that was funny or is it just mean????
    I'm not making light of your situation,but if you can find the funny in the midst of the pain,the husband will see that he is the one losing out cause you are going on full steam ahead.You go girl!!![This Message was Edited on 08/16/2007]
  9. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    Feeling pretty hopeless yesterday and today..

    Dh is taking care of himself totally..and he walks and talks like nothing is wrong in his world...He talks with our son like nothing has occured..and even when he does have to ask me something...it is SO polite that it just pisses me off.

    I am in such pain from all this...I can't be near him or see him or hear him without feeling like my heart is being ripped from my chest.

    Plus FM is being nasty to me.

    I realize this is probably the normal ups and downs of all this...but it feel so lousy...and I feel so hopeless...

    I had this thought...My son has offered me his total support..for which I am grateful...it is good to know you have a place to be in the world. BUT, if the burden of me is too much for my husband to bear...How will my son fare having me be his full time job...?????
    So very very sad for me to think about doing this to my son.

  10. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I have been keeping up with your posts about this awful period in your life your going through and how well you have been handling it so haven't posted before but i just read your last post and i had to say something. I am sooo sorry to hear that FM has reared it's ugly head again that makes things twice as bad sometimes. What made me want to post though was your thought about your son and being a full time job for him. I just had to say that first your husband is being a jerk. sorry i know you still love him but that being said from the posts that i have read it doesn't sound to me like you have been a full time job even for your husband. I wish i could do half of what you do. i would say that you would be a blessing to your son right now. from the sounds of it you both are going through some major changes and have faced some tough trials so my thought is that you would have each other to lean on enstead of you being the one that cooks and cleans and all of that good stuff for a man that has no idea how much he is lossing and has no appreciation. I know how hard it can be but you need a pat on the back and a good for you sticker. put your head up high and be proud of how much you have accomplished and how much you have to give and if your husband can't appreciate that then it is his problem and some day he will find out just how much he threw away.......SueF
  11. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Dear Suzan,

    It sounds to me like sfrazier said that HE is the one being the burden and that you are doing alot more for your husbands than many of us here on the FM/CFS Board. I meant to mention that in my last post. I am just wondering if there are other reasons for this - his sudden statement" that he cannot take it any more being your caretaker". Just keep that in mind. Of course you might have already thought of that. It just seems weird to me. If you stayed in bed all day and did absolutely noithing tor anyone, then maybe he could say you were a burden -- and even if it were so it sounds like a terribly cruel thing to say to you. I know how all this must hurt you.

    I would think , also that he living in the same house with you for a year would be an extremely hard thing to do under the circumstances and VERY stressful. I am sure you are starting to feel that now, knowing his attitude. Of course, I doubt if he will leave, at least not at this point but that makes it harder with constant reminders of EVERYTHING and what he has said to you.

    Yes, being under stress will make you feel alot worse. I hope you can get a through this without feeling so much sicker with alot of pain, etc. How sweet of your son for giving you all his support. Yes, I understand what you mean about putting anyone else (like your son)through a big change like that. However, with all that you were doing for hubby (as was said before) I think your son would get the better of the deal with your washing and cooking,etc.

    Sorry so long. Just know you are in my and our thoughts. I know it will be along hard haul with him living with you for 1 year !!! Stay strong !!

    God bless you !

    Love and big hugs,


    [This Message was Edited on 08/17/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/17/2007]
  12. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I agree with Granny, I think your husband is the burden in this relationship, he's very toxic to you.

    I've had the pain you're going through many years ago and I survived so will you, it will get easier and if your husband doesn't appreciate you, you will get over him. You'll look back and wonder why you ever thought he was deserving of you because right now, he is not.

    Don't feel guilty about your son helping you out, he loves you.

    I hope your husband comes to his senses Susan before you go cold on him but it's his loss if he doesn't. Your worth so much more than this so hang in there.