talk about stress

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Christinawensell, Sep 14, 2005.

  1. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    I have thought all day about writing this, and thinking I

    shouldn't because some people may think I am wrong in a few

    things I am doing, but I thought I am going to write it

    anyways due to the fact I am going through alot of pain

    right now. So here it goes.

    Yesterday I woke up and was feeling horrible and knew I

    still needed to get to work. I have been having to drive

    everyone to and from school and my husband to work every day

    and we have to leave at 6:20 just to get everyone where they

    need to be and me to work on time. We'll yesterday with the

    pain I was in I knew it was not possible for me to do it all

    on my own, so I had to have my hubby drive me to work and

    drop the kids off etc. instead. Let me add he works only 10

    minutes away from me and the most important thing is that

    his driver's license is suspended (due to traffic tickets-

    which we have not had the money to pay because of me being

    sick) I know I should not have done it, but I was in so

    much pain.

    Anyways I told him to get off work at 5:00 because not only

    did we have to get my daughters picked up my sister in law

    called and asked me to pick up her son to before 6:00, and

    me being the person I am I can't say no.

    I figured he would be here around 5:10 so I waited and

    and waited and still waited aand he still was not here no

    call made saying he was working late or anything. Now it

    was 6:00 nad he still was not here. I thought he was in an

    accident. I was so worried. We'll worry brings on the pain.

    So finally he shows up and said he decided to work later and

    we should go pick up my nephew now. We showed up a half

    hour late to get him. My sister in law was really angry and

    now today I am in so much pain, but still at work.

    I wish he would understand that stress is something I do

    not need right now. It just makes me hurt even more.

    I guess I am just venting, Thanks for listening,

    Christina
  2. patientnurse

    patientnurse New Member

    I have my worst flares when there is strife in the family. It can be a big or small disagreement, but if it is not resolved, I will be in bed several more hours in the next few days. I have been in therapy and read lots on co-dependency over the years and it has helped. When a family member is inconsiderate or mean to me, the flash of anger just wipes me out. We need to apply patience, kindness, and thoughtfulness in our family ALL the time.

    Your family is under all kinds of stress, it sounds like. But, I don't think your sister-in-law should have shown anger. After all, you guys were doing her a favor. But, yes, your husband was thoughtless not to call and tell you he'd be late!
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    but you may not like it! My comments are NOT meant to be hurtful, but just an "outsider's" observations of what went on (the story you are venting about) .....

    *First of all, even though you were in a lot of pain, if you were going to be able to go to work, you probably could have managed to do the driving, ESPECIALLY since your husband's driver's license were suspended! Think about it--if you can not afford to pay the fines now, what would you have done if he had been stopped and fined for driving while under suspension? He also may have had to spend a day or two in jail. I, personally, would never had taken that risk--no matter what the reason was. (My drive to work took 75 minutes and I drove it for 30 years--including many, many days while in severe pain and pounding migraines.) I would taken 800 mg. of ibuprofen, moaned and groaned, dared anyone to say crap, and drove anyway.

    *You did not say what type of place that your husband worked at, whether or not it was easy for him to call you; but it was VERY rude and inconsiderate for him not to call you and let you know that he would be a hour late, knowing that you were waiting on him as well as your daughters and your nephew. He kept ALL OF YOU waiting.

    *I don't know where your daughters or nephew were when they were waiting to be picked up, but:

    ----could they have been in any danger while waiting that extra time to be picked up? If everyone else had been gone, say if they were at school at a sports practice, and they were there alone, it would not have been safe.

    ----all of the children could have been as worried as you were: Did their dad have an accident? If he didn't come to pick us up, why didn't Mom? Why didn't either of you call them to say you two would have been late? Did Dad and/or Mom just plain forget us? Hard telling what runs through a child's mind. They worry, too. This worry also puts stress on them, which in turn, they may not sleep well.

    *Unlike another poster who said that your nephew's mother should NOT have been angry at you, since she was the one who asked you to give him a ride and pick him up. YES, she does have a right to be angry; however, she probably was more WORRIED than angry. You were late picking up her child and she went through all the same emotions as mentioned above, too! Wouldn't you worry if someone, relative or not, was supposed to pick up your child and bring him home at a certain time and they showed up late?

    I realize that this is not the point of your post. You are venting about the stress causing you more pain. And it does!!! But you and your husband are both at fault to adding to your stress yesterday. (1) If you had driven, none of this would have happened, and there would have been less stress! (2) But, since your husband drove, he inadvertently caused a mountain load of stress on you and your sister-in-law due to his inconsiderate actions.

    Sooooooo, your hubby needs to understand that all of this stress really did a number on you, and regardless of the stress issue, he needs to become more aware on how his actions affect others in his family!!!! If he wants to be a "real man", then he needs to act like one--be responsible!!! -- responsible for the welfare of his wife and children (and in this case, other family members).

    Sorry, guess I got a little into the venting mode myself!!!
    I get upset when I see men who have families show so little respect for their wives and families--respect for how their actions affect their families. Maybe he is not like this all of the time. His actions on this one day inconvenienced the entire family. Of course, his many traffic tickets don't show a lot of maturity, either!! LOL He either has a lead foot (speeding too much), road rage, or doesn't see red lights and stop signs!!! LOL

    It's really none of my business, so you do not need to answer anything that I brought up. I don't want to cause you any more stress. Just thought I would add my 2cents worth for you to think about. I hope I haven't upset you enough to get out your baseball bat and thump me one with it!!

    I certainly hope you get to feeling better. Maybe you can get some rest this weekend so your pain level with go down.

    Take care,
    Janet
  4. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    Thank you for responding,

    jlh no hard feelings, only that I thought it would be better for him to drive then for me to get in a car accident. I was not thinking about the unexpected stress, but I am not going to let it happen again.

    I am not feeling any better today either but I think alot of it is because of my mattress too at home. It is too old and making matters even worse for me at night. We just can't afford a new one right now.

    Hope you all have a great rest of the week.

    Christina
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I hope you are feeling better today.

    I'm really feeling bad today about my comments. They may have been too hard on you when you were already having a bad day.

    Sometimes, the "Dr. Phil" approach of "tell-it-like-it-is" is not always the best, and I have to remember that.

    It's just that I thought about if your husband got caught driving, it would just cause so many more problems for you and the stress level would even go higher.

    And, yes, your mattress may have a lot to do about your not feeling good when you get up - as well as getting a good night's sleep. They are so terribly expensive!! I can see why you can't afford one right now!!

    What fibro meds are you currently on?

    What has helped me the most is Cymbalta, Neurotin, and Zanaflex at bedtime.

    Just wanted to check in on you today and make sure you were doing OK.

    Hugs,
    Janet
  6. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    No hard feelings at all like I said.

    You are right about the driving thing, and I know that. One thing I did not share is that is one issue that is coming up anyways with my family.

    Last November we were in a car accident (someone hit us from behind) and I was not feeling well this evening and had my husband only drive one block. We'll one block too many. The guy hit us going 45 mph in a 25 with us at a complete stop. My hubby was ticketed like you said and we had to go to court. We'll another thing like you said he has to go to jail for 7 days because he was not licensed. The judge understood and could have given him more time but he knew I am also sick. They also gave him work release which makes it so he can work during the day and go back to jail at night. I know he should not drive I need to find a backup person, but I do not trust many people.

    Anyways the answer to your question I only can take ibuprofin because I am allergic to all the pain meds that they have ever tried to give me. My doctor always says to me I am scared to give you Tylenol, so I am really out of luck there.


    Thank you for your post, sometimes I need to be told. My parents do it all the time to me, and I don't listen all the time. A 36 year old that has a hard time listening and then I wonder why my children don't. LOL
  7. jbennett2

    jbennett2 New Member

    Sounds like you really are having a tough time right now.
    You mentioned that you can't afford a new mattress, but there are other options. There are some very nice mattress toppers out there that make sleeping more comfortable. You may want to look into getting one of those. Some are pricey, but others aren't too bad.
  8. Christinawensell

    Christinawensell New Member

    I tried a cheaper brand of topper like egg crate kind and that is not helping. Do you know if the memory toppers work very well? Or do you have any suggestions of ones that you have heard that work good.

    Thank you for your comments,

    It is greatly appreciated.