Talking to kids

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FMwife, Jan 15, 2003.

  1. FMwife

    FMwife New Member

    My husband was just diagnosed with FM. We have 3 kids 14,11,8. Is this something we tell them about? I am reading a lot about it and it seems so vague to describe to someone, esp. children. They do know that something has been "not right" with dad for about 3 months now. We got the "official" diagnosis yesterday. Does anyone have any experiences with this?
  2. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    This is a really tuff thing I have found. I have been fighting this for almost three years now. Our boys will be 12 and 7 in February and our girl is 10. With us it was very hard in the beginning. One, we didn't know what was happening and I was shufled from Doctor to Doctor. The children were extremely effected from this too. They feared i was dying to be exact. I explained to them that it was just pain and the pain made Mommy very tired. BUT I was not dying. That i would be here for a very very long time to get on their nerves and make sure they were loved and protected. I think each and everyone one of them had their own way of dealing with this DD too. Our Daughter spent the first 6 months fearing to sleep and I would have to hold her and assure her I would be here tomorrow when she opened those pretty little eyes. Because i was not dying. Our oldest son felt he would let his grades slip and nobody would notice because Mom always made sure they were okay but now that she is sick all the time well, she wouldn't do anything. He was very wrong and got a big surprise when i showed up at school right before the bell rang to get assignments together and he spent three straight days doing nothing but school work. Needless to say his grades have never fallen again. And our youngest well, he still has a lot of trouble understanding I think. he is a clown and has to make everybody laugh at all costs. When i am really in a flare he is at his worst. he tells people that his mommy has a broken back and that is why she can't work cause they can't fix it. I went through quite a bit of counselling after this began. She explained that with our youngest he was used to have a complete routine every day he knew that routine until he was four years old. And his world was disrupted when this began. She explained that when he is the naughtest is when I feel the worst. WHY.. Because in his little mind he thought if he could distract me from the pain i would be okay and wouldn't be in pain and everything would be normal again. That was truly a tough one to choke down.

    My advise to you is this. I do not feel that things should ever be hidden from children. They are amazingly stronger then we think they are and sometimes they ae stronger then us to be honest. I think that they should be told about this. I know from my own experience and I am sure with yours your children know someting is different with Dad. I think that it should be really stressed that Dad isn't going to die from it but it is going to be trying at time. I think that it is very important to let the children know that they are still loved and that will never change. I feel children really need the security of knowing they are loved and they won't be pushed aside due to this. And it is possible they will test you in their own ways just as mine did.

    I hope that my experience although very long can help you with some way of telling your children. I do believe they should know. And especially know Dad isn't going to die from it.

    Take care and I wish you much luck with this.
    If you should need anything I am always here.
  3. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    I was recently diagnosed and we explained it to my daughter , at first it was okay but now I am having alot of trouble with her. It's like she is taking advantage of the situation when I'm in a flare up and I honestly can't deal with her. I tried telling her that I am having a bad day and it seems she just acts her worst. The stress is the last thing I need. It's hard to deal with these things when FMS is at it's worst.
  4. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I have four children---
    I would say, yes absolutely tell them. Conversations can be geared to their age. They go through all the fear, and wondering, prior to diagnosis. Kids know mom or dad don't feel good--they don't miss a thing. They need and want the assurance that we do not have a fatal condition. My children ask lots of questions, about research, my doctors visits, and best of all, what they can do to help. In a family everyone is affected by these disorders, and the best way of dealing with them is to do so together, as a family.
    Best wishes,