TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by elliespad, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

    An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
    car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
    the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
    pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

    The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

    A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She
    got in the back-seat by mistake."
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    FAMILY

    Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
    the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
    the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
    The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
    starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
    The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
    to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
    forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
    you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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    "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

    Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
    March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

    "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

    And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
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    LITTLE LADY:

    A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
    As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
    "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her
    gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
    the soup."
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    OLD FRIENDS:

    Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!

    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
    they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
    activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One
    day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
    don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
    can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
    Please tell me what your name is."

    Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
    and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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    SENIOR DRIVING

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
    heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
    Please be careful!"

    "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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    DRIVING

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
    see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
    intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
    woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could
    have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they
    came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
    right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
    light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
    getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
    and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
    "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?
    Yo u could have killed us both!"
    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

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    TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
  2. victoria

    victoria New Member

    IT WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

    There now, Ellie, does that make you feel better?

    The reason why it won't happen to us is because it already has...

    Just kidding ;)

    all the best,
    Victoria

  3. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    I like the man driving the wrong way on the interstate....
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    As usual thanx for brightening our day. Love you. Annie C