testing 1,2,3,.....please advise ..need help

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by mamafurr, Jun 22, 2003.

  1. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member


    i just wrote a long msg and deleted it by accident. can't find it so if it is repeated pls excuse.

    i just went to church today. new calvary opened around the corner (country) not a church goer but Christian. dang, i am so frustrated to have deleted my prior msg. so got to church and promptly locked my keys in the car. for a reason i guess. i went alone. husband/busy, 13 yr son won't go, brother and niece visiting no go/neighbor busy. i wanted to bolt the entire time. everyone was singing (of course they knew the words)i am not verbal like that altho some would say i have a big mouth :0....

    i feel so unworthy. the pastor was great and of course the msg was written just for me :). i feel like all these people have something i don't. but i know logically that is not true. i know Jesus shed his blood for my sins. is this satan working here????? pls help. i feel like i have to force myself to go back. what's up. has anyone experienced this before. i feel like i just don't get it again. i had an awful couple weeks and am soooo grateful to be alive. i love my Lord with all my heart. i just feel like it is such a personal thing.
    please help.
    love, alice
  2. stilhere

    stilhere New Member

    I'm Jessica, and I'd like to share my experience as a christian, I'm still a baby christian, just been baptized since 1997 :), but I've come a long way baby!
    I kinda know what you mean, I got saved in a little church up in Washington State, and there were some like me, but there were also some that seemed more happy, (maybe)more, I guess now it would be a closer relationship with God, I knew I loved Him and that He was my Savior and I was on fire for the Lord, I taught 3rd &4th grade Sunday School and was a 3rd & 4Th grade AWANA girls club leader, but I still felt something missing. When others would sing, I wanted to sing like them, I wanted to raise my hands to the lord and I couldn't, then one Sunday at my bible study, the deacon asked us all a question about Abraham and Issac. He asked if we as parents, given if we were in abraham's situation, be able to sacrafice our chilren to the Lord if the Lord asked. Well everyone stayed silent, but no not me!, I just jumped in and said 'no'. I got a glare from the deacon and his wife and after class some of the adults came to me and agreed with me, but were afraid to say it in class, (how funny hehe) anyways life went on, then I got sick, and drs didn't know why, they called my family in Ca to tell them I was dying and my family came, the hardest thing for a parent to do is find a place for your children, when you are dying, I was in the hospital, when my family came they came for all 4 of my kids, my youngest son at the time was 11, he was holding on to my legs, he didn't want to leave the hospital room, after they left, I let out the heaviest sigh, I've ever experienced, still to this day and I said 'okay Lord, I'm ready, I know I've always said I would fight to the end for my kids, but I can't anymore, I'm tired of being sick, (I'm sorry, I tend to cry alot, your actually the 2nd person I've shared this with)and I'm just tired, I'm not going to say that I heard words, but I felt the Lord tell me that it wasn't my time yet, and I think I even asked why, lol, he said my family needed me, I felt the presence of my mom too, (she has been gone since 1987) and I remember looking at her saying I want to go and be with her and she also said no its not time...After that, I felt like an something give me an energy, the drs said it was because my family came from ca, but I don't believe it, I believe it was the Lord, since then...my faith has grown, I'm a single mom of 3 teenage boys and a 3 year old girl and I feel that at times I get lonely and it is hard being sick and alone, when I reach out to the Lord, He is there for me and it feels great, I've had many times when the average person would give up, and from somewhere food comes in or someone forgets I guess and a check comes in the mail, or someone just goes the extra mile for me, whatever the case I owe it all to the Lord, He is just everything to me...I'm sorry that I took such a long post....
    In christ & love
    Jessica
  3. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member

    jessica:
    thank you so much for sharing your story w/me. i talked to my sister in law last nite and she said i must go back. fight the fight...geeze satan pisses me off. (sorry for the colorful language). i hate him. did they ever figure out why you were sick? i am so glad you are still here. what an awful thing. and to have your child holding on to you...:( did you just get better. i was ill from the methadone i was taking 2 weeks ago. and i am so happy to be alive. i however know how difficult it is especially being a single parent. i was for 8 yrs with my daughter. she is now 24 and i have 2 beautiful grandbabies. i met a wonderful man and have been married 15 yrs. so miracles do happen. where are you in wa? my cousins had a dairy in curtis years ago and i spent every summer there. i am sick of the pain too. i cry at the drop of a hat lately. *thank you for sharing* of course menopause doesn't help LOL. i sooo understand the money things. and finding msgs from our Lord in funny ways. i know we will always be o.k. altho times a extrememly tough. what a wonderful way to start my day to read your msg. the singing thing is so true and maybe i won't ever but who knows.,..funny you can relate!
    take care and thank you again
    love, alice
  4. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member

    thank you as well for taking the time to answer my post....took your msg to heart. i am doing better as you can see from my msg to jessica. i am going to keep going and not let satan get any part of me. i am a very strong willed person. all was quiet here for some time and the minute i stir my faith up (outwardly) there he is and he will not beat me down. no way no how!!!!
    love to you
    alice