Hello everyone, I have read all of your posts and I can't thank you enough for your support, kind words, empathy. I noticed how many of you have experienced the same loss, it is tragic. I cried while I was reading these posts because I can feel all of your genuine responses. Yes, this is so difficult. I had to go to a seminar today for my job, actually it was a retreat. This is my first day back since last Wednesday and I don't think I was ready. This retreat was held at a religious (spelling?) college, I had to go up to the instructor and excuse myself because it was way too emotional, I won't get into the details, but it was hard to handle. The leader of this retreat saw my pain and had one of the sisters talk to me for about 45 minutes. It was profound and weird she kept telling me how strong and courageous I was and talked about my dad. Maybe I was meant to go because I did feel slightly better after talking to her, she was so kind. I poured out my emotions to her such as my sense of abandonement, fear, grief, I never thought I would be talking to a nun, in a college I have never been to, how strange, but maybe it isn't. She had a handmade beaded cross in her pocket that she gave to me, it was comforting. I almost had to go home from this retreat and just reschedule it, but I decided to stay and I made it through the day. I am totally exhausted, but wanted to respond to everyone here. I believe your prayers have helped me although this will be a trying and long time for me. Hugs and peace, Love Chelz.