Thank you all who responded, still needing prays and hugs

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by risinforce, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    It really helps to know you are all out there and actually made me cry. I just can't tell you what it means to know that someone actually supports and understands you. My "rock" is my boyfriend whom I don't get to see every night because of my son and recent divorce. My little one isn't ready for mommy to have a new person in her life so we respectfully wait for the days he is with his daddy to be together. Those are the cherished moments but so are the days w/my son. My boyfriend has 5 herniated discs in his back so he understands pain, depression w/pain but is MUCH more tougher and survives w/out any medication. That is the difference between us and sometimes a struggle because he hates that I medicate. I told him get over it or leave.

    My ex did not support me one bit through this illness and I left him because of it. He just went about his business while I was left to take care of our child when I couldn't even take care of myself. My mom is the only one who stepped up to the plate. Ironically she has a small sign of FMS but to no extend of what I have. She had a kidney transplant 4 years ago but has the "old school" attitude of not going to doctor for aches and pains and "tough it out". She does cause me some anxiety and I discuss this w/my psyciatrist and he helps me to deal w/her. Thank god my dad is a quiet gentle man. I actually spent the night at their home last night so I could see my son. I had to ask my dad if he would ask her not to lecture me first though. Pretty rediculous. I had not seen my son since Saturday due to this flare. Breaks my heart and brings some guilt.

    Slept well but woke up throughout the night w/numbness throughout body and not in the areas I was sleeping on (ie shoulders, hips). Wierd. Going to bring that up today. I'm going to ask for an MRI on my neck today since I can't get rid of my headache and alot of my pain is at the base of my scull. I took quite a tumble w/out a helmet on a quad 3 years ago (before FMS) and took the fall w/my shoulders and neck. Wasn't going fast but just rolled off bike in the sand. Wondering if I damaged a disc and that's why the headaches. For a whole year immediately after that I suffered headaches everyday. My neurologist that I saw that year only did an MRI on my head (actually the ER did the MRI which was the 1st time I had every gone to ER).

    My back doc did an MRI on my lower back this year and found my herniated L5/S1 disc as well as Stage 1 Spondiolethisis. God I hope I spelled that right. He has been doing TPJ's and Epiderals which work a little but flare up my FMS. Anytime you stick a needle through muscle you are garanteed a flare. He wants me to do Physical Therapy but w/out the support of meds there is no way in hell I'll do it. I've done it before but it was when I had a really good, understanding pain doc. Before my insurance change.

    I'm praying he will be understanding today and help me. My family doc comes back from maternity leave next week as well and she has been w/me since the beginning (actually diagnosed me) so I already have an appt w/her next week as well. I just know she is hesitant to write such big scripts each month. Probably the DEA. Stupid government. They should let the doc's do their job.

    This is, I can honestly say, the first time in the 2 years I've had this DD that I have never had a doc to turn to during hard times. I've always been able to get someone on the phone w/in 12 hours at least. I've felt desperate, isolated and afraid. I don't want to kill myself but I've not wanted to wake up. I take my antidepressants everyday at the same time and my xanax that I get for $100 per 20 mins w/my psyc. As if I can afford to see him.

    Pain doc wouldn't fill those even when I showed him the bottle I had that had lasted me 3 months. What a jerk. Once I see both docs in the next 7 days I hopefully will be able to sit down and write a letter to him about his staff and inability to be supportive. A kind, perfessional letter. Just hoping that it may change something for the next patient who might not suffer like I have. I honestly hope to never return there again.

    Please pray for me this morning that I may be able to get compassion from my back doc. I need all the prayers I can get at this point. I'm still in my flare, head is still pounding, knees are killing me. I'm trying not to cry anymore because It will just cause head to hurt more.

    I love each and every one of you so much for always being here. You are all truly family. Probably to some all the family we actually have. I hope and pray that any of you that live w/someone that isn't supportive like I did (ex) that that person gets a revalation real soon. We deserve the best.

    I honestly wonder and ask god why this burden. I'm not angy just wondering why and when the answer will come. There is always a reason.

    Prayers and gentle hugs to all.

    Shawn
  2. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    I hear you about bad flares and trying not to cry. I have been going through the same thing lately. I also have a herniation in L5 S1 area with arthritis and degeneration. I am suppose to go and have a spinal injection tomorrow, I am of course hoping that will help my back to feel better, but since they told me about my back and took me off my regular meds before the injection I have had a terrible flare adn muscle pain is just so intense. I hope and pray your back doctor will help you and I hope that things will work out for you andn your boyfriend. I had a divorce and have been remarried now for 1 1/2 years to a wonderful man who is very understanding about this disease and can not understand why others are not, so there is hope!!

    kgangel
  3. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    Make sure the injection is done w/a live Xray. I've had one epideral w/out and it was horrible and the last one was a piece of cake because they had the live Xray and it went right in the spot where the pain is. My L5 S1 is all slipped. That is what Spondolysthesis (sp) is. It did helped but not to the point of no pain at all. I moved at the end of Sept and I think that is why the results of the epideral didn't last as long as they may have.

    Can't understand why they made you go off meds. They just told me I couldn't take any anti-inflams but could take all other meds as normal. Maybe your injection is different and of course all docs are different. Wishing you well.

    My last resort is surgery and I fear that especially w/FM. Any trauma to body and OH BOY. That would not be fun.

    My boyfriend is understanding and the only person, other than you guys on the board, that I can be completely honest with.

    Hugs, Shawn
  4. kbak

    kbak Member

    My thoughts and prayer's are with you! It hurts to see other's in so much pain. Lordy, I hope you get some relief soon!!