Thank you for you kindness

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 8, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I struggle daily with having fibromyliagia, and CMP, and the rest of the chronic pain syndromes I have to live with.
    I don't like how I feel so much of the time and I get so frusterated with my self that I can't walk very far and can't lift things as it causes so much pain in my back.

    I started to work when I was a single mother at 20 years old. I made a good choice by not letting her biological donor be a part of our lives but it was not always easy for me. I reaesed my daughter by my self till she was 21/2 years old and I married the man I am married to now. WE have been married for 25 years,minus a 9 month seperatation after the death of his mother. But through loving each other and counsleing we worked though that hard and rough time. Did it help him to understand what fibro is and why I take pain pills NO he still thinks I am addicted to them and I let him it is not worth argueing with him over it. HE is always right and it just upsets me. So I don't discuss the pain or my meds with him.

    Our family grew with 2 more daughters. And I Loved being a mother. I worked full time for a Dentist off and on ful time and part time depending on babies and how old they were, I stopped working for hi as he moved away. But I kept working as a dental assistenat and i Loved it but it was getting so hard to work with this apin in my body.

    I had always had pain in my life from 3 years old my legs ached, all the time. Mom had taken me to the doctor and I was given asperin and vitiam C it was to help but It really didn't do much. As I grew older I had the worst periods and hated it. And about that time I had a cough and got chostochrondritis , and I sounded like I had smoked for years and had a smokers cough and I still have it all the time. Some times it is bad and others It is not. But it never really leaves me alone.

    I had a hyeserctomey , tubes, overies, cervix, appendix uterus were all gone at the ripe old age of 34 years old. I was so depressed as I had wanted another baby but it was not to be.

    My daughters are 27, 23 & 21. 2 are married . The one who is 21 has a 7 month old son our first grandson. I have some issues with my SIL I don't like how he treats my daughter but I have learned that unless she askes me to give her advise I just bite my tounge and don't say anything. It is much better that way . I don't want to cause problems between her and her husband or her and I as i like the relatationship we have now.

    And I would not do or say anything to her about they way I feel about things with the husband. They have not been married for 2 years yet and there is much that they both need to learn and I know frommy own experence that it took me a long time to grow up and learn things .

    I wrote is my last post about the lsat visit we had with my daughter and her husband and my grandson.I was fursterated that no one would pick up anything that they had put on the floor. I have to learn that it really does not matter, I can and will cclean it up when they are gone. But I love haveing them here . I was sitting in my rocking chair watching the baby and I felt something tickling my legs. It was my grandson I had on a silky nightgown adn he likes ho w it feels so he was taking his fingers and pulling it up to his face and rubbing it onhis facea dn then tickling my legs with his fingers as they went up and donw my legs adn he looked at me with such a sily look like what is the matter?

    AS I posted last time I complainned and whined about how I felt and toeday when I read the posts that you all left for me I was so surpirsed. I am someone's hero and that left me thinking why? I am trying to change how I think about this fibro adn what it dies to my body it is so hard and some days I just want to cry and scream. I hda worked so hard to get my house cleaned up so that we coudl have it apparised and then to have my daughter and SIL just leave it a mess while they were here it hurt my feelings and made me irratated, thatI was not happy over something so sily.

    HOuse's can be cleaned up but the time I got tp spend with my grandson will never come again as he will keep on growing up and become a young man. I will always tresure the days I spend withhim and him paying with me and kissingme withhis whole mouth open and trying to bite my fingers as he is teething.

    AS I read the posts today I felt such love and acceptace from all of you who answed me. I am so touched and feel so humbled that people tink I am something that I don't think I am.

    I thank you all for accepting me as a friend sight unseen and you care about me as if you have known me all my life,
    how did that happen? I come here and complain about how exhusted I am and how much I hurt all the time and yet I am accepted and cared about dispite the whining I do. I am so toughed by your caring and concern and your love.

    You are making me a better person and helpingme to think more of my self and to take care of me adn not to worry about what my husband thinks about the pain I have and the meds I take as he thinks I am addicted to them. But to you it does not matter what I take as long as it is helping me.

    How do I think you for this gift you have given me? Friendship and caring about me. I thinka you all for reading my posts and hearing how I feel. I know taht I complain about this pain and how tired I am and that things are not going well all thetime and somehow you always pick me up and make my feel better about me.

    So here it is 1:52 and I am still wide awake and hurting so much as I once again over did it. How was I to know that walking on a treadmill for 5 minutes at 1 mile per hour copuld make my back, legs & knees ache so much? But it did and it does hurt alot now and I can't sleep either. I once again I am here telling you all about the problems and pain I am in.

    I still wish that it would lleave me alone and go away but it never will so I may as well accpet it. Dealing with pain is something I will have to do all of my life so I had better learn that it is here to tay and the old person I was has gone away and there is someone new there now who is learning that there are still good tings left in my life.

    Thank you for your concern adn caring about me. And I thank you for the friendship I have with you. What a gift you are all to me. AS is this site. I am going to start filing for disability as my doctor has told me that I can't work anymore.That with the problems I have including the fibro have made it so I cna't do the job I was trained to do and I can't lift or stand very long and I don't type so well and my spelling is horrid. So typing is out . So I have to find out all that I need to do so start this process and i am somewhat scared about it.

    I know thatthey won't accept me on the first try, and i have to learn that it is not personal and not to take it that way . I do that far to much.
    Well I have to go now as the pain in my wrist and fingers are getting bad as is my back . I sometimes with bodies were like cars and you could just go to a body shop and get a new one so if you here of a " body shop for humans" let me know. Can't do the plastic surgery it would cause more pain that it would make me look good. And it is not the looks I want replaced it is all the things that don't work right anymore.

    ONe of you said that Rosemarie is a pretty name thanks, only part of it is mine. The rest I borrowed from some one.

    Thanks for all that you have done to help me.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    Rosemarie
  2. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    God will take care of you....love, Terri
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Thanks for your kindness adn help with my pain that is in my life. Rosemarie
  4. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    I personally didn't see your post. But I am so glad you were helped!!

    This is a wonderful group of people. I have learned SO much through them in the 1 1/2 years I've been here. I teach my doc new things all the time!!

    They have gotten me through some really tough times, too!!

    God bless you and continue to give you strength just where you need it. We're all in this together-don't forget that!! PG
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Rosemarie, I am glad that you have made the decision to file for disability. It will be a long battle, but just hang in there!

    It's hard to hear it from the doctor--that you are unable to work anymore. I know it was for me.

    I worked for 30 years and my career was a huge part of who I was. It took me years to get over not being able to work. I would still go back in a heartbeat if I were able, but there is no way possible that I could last for one day now.

    Good luck with completing all the paperwork that you will have to in the coming months!

    Hugs,
    Janet