Thank you, YOUR WORDS helped so, only TIME will lessen the pain

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by IntuneJune, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    The morning after 04/04/08 05:38 AM

    It's rainy here in Rhode Island. Her grave is right outside my office window although I cannot see it while I am at my computer. She is with our other pets Snow and Loki,our two kitties who were 19 and 20; and Fritz our German Shephard who was 15.

    I said I would NEVER get another dog when Fritz passed away, my heart was so broken. But after a year and a half, found myself following the dogs in the neighborhood around (not an easy task in our town, we are rural and homes are not close together in our immediate area).

    Gradually, I realized it was time to adopt a "dog in need." So we combed the shelters. Never made a connection until one shelter called us about a dog who was on their waiting list to get INTO the pound.

    Sea-Ra had separation anxiety and all the behavoir that goes along with that. It was hard initially, but we did fall into a routine that worked for us all. She repayed us by taking very good care us, protecting us at all times (maybe a little over the top).

    When we were both home, she shephered us together, she preferred I not be on the computer (at one end of the house) while my husband watched TV (at the other). So she would start her herding until I got the message to take my place in the family room with hubby, and she would then make a sound of satisfaction and settle on her "chair" a dog bed completing our positions forming the letter "U" in front of the tv.

    When it was bed time, she announced it so and would start the process of nudging hubby to let her out for her "last trip"

    When one of us were not home, she perched herself in front of the sliding glass door and waited, all day if that is what it took.

    She was there, most of the time (except night time tv time) watching, announcing if a car came down the long dirt road to our house or the house in back of us.

    I never worried about the occasional stranger at the door, she took care of that. (Many different scenariors played out depending on the fear level of that person, or if Sea-Ra felt that person could be or NOT be trusted). I felt very protected, she was such a comfort.

    Was it my selfishness I did not want to let her go?? Could I not see how she must have been suffering? We worried we might be sending her too soon, but in retrospect, we did probably waited too long.

    One consolation was she was still eating up big.

    The vet was wonderful. She brought chocolate..... Hershey kisses.

    The first step was to give her anesthesia to relax her and when she felt asleep, the final injection. We got her comfortable by her perch at the sliding glass door. She got her anesthesia, and while it did make her legs so wobbly she could not stand, it did not make her relax, in fact, I am afraid it made her anxious, she continued to guard at that door. The vet remarked at how committed she was. She re-evaluated her weight versus mg. dose to be sure she had given her enough, and she had, but Sea-Ra would not let go.

    Previously I told Sea-Ra what a good job she had done protecting us, how much we loved her and it was OK to go, and now during this process, I repeated everything, but her head would move from side to side to get a better view of the outide, forever protecting us. The vet gave her more anesthesia. Finally, she fell asleep. The final injection the vet said she did not feel.

    Our warm home suddenly transformed to an empty shell of a house. It seems to have lost all its spirit. We have never been without pets, the first just after we were married the with kids, the kids moved out, hubby's mother for five years with Alzheimers moved in, always a busy house..... AND always a pet.

    Although we have had three Shepherds, Sea-Ra took her job as protector to the limits. Now, I feel lonely, vunerable. (Selfish again?)

    Yesterday, my huband was at work, my sons were at work, the friends I might call were working. And my best friend who lives out of State, the go-to person in these situations, just lost her husband not long ago so I did not want to lay my burdeon down at her feet.

    Therefore I came here to lay my burdeon down. I hesitated, as we are all stressed and need not more, but I needed to "talk." I cannot tell you how much your words meant to me. And during the times Sea-Ra slept, I came to look.

    You helped me in spades! Fibromickster, Julie, Rafiki, Monica33flowers, Victoria, 4everkid, Nancy, Frosty77, Mustluvdogs, Doloresf1, Budmiki, Ckball, Mikie, Granni, Tona, thank you. Yes I cried reading the posts, but it was so comforting to know others understood. I thank you, it helped me to help our dear Sea-Ra. Your gift was passed on.

    Love, June

    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2008]
  2. doloresf1

    doloresf1 New Member

    Precious, precious memories...


  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    are (still) with you and Sea-Ra....

  4. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I am truly sorry for your loss. I have 2 girls that like yours stand by and watch out for me.

    I lost my 15 yo cat 2 years ago when I found him laying in my kit floor. He had had feline aids for 13 of his 15 years and it was getting to where I needed to make that decision but he and I had been threw so much, he was a very loving boy and always knew when I was having a hard time.

    I was having a new kitchen and central heat put in and workers had been there for several weeks and the stress of having his home disrupted was to much stress for him. I still miss him, he was a special boy.

    Time does help, and know that you did the right thing for Sea-Ra. Now she is still watching over you. I love Shepherds, they are very devoted and had to laugh at your telling about herding you and and your husband into the same room, then settle in herself.

    I wish you all the best and come here as often as you need to, there are many wonderful and supportive people who have had to go threw the same thing. Carla
  5. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I will also pray for peace of mind and healing for you! What a Great Pet Mom you have been!,,,Bless Sea-ra!,,,,,,,,,,,,Hugs!,,,,Sis
  6. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Thank you again Doloresf1, Victoria, CKball for your follow-up and your prayers. Don't these pets have dear sweet spirits. And they are so much a part of our lives, more so that many human family members. Yes, CKball, it was comical how she herded us, comical in that we obeyed.

    Sisland, thank you for your time in posting, I really do need to know there is support out there. It is so comforting to know folks are there....

    Love, June
  7. jole

    jole Member

    What a wonderful pet, friend and family member you had. No wonder it was so very hard for you, and still is. She sounds like she had the most wonderful personality, and took her job as protector very seriously.

    Some day you may suprise yourself and be ready for another friend in need. You did a good deed when taking her, and although you will never find another Sea-Ra, you may find happiness of another sort.

    Wishing you memories that make you smile :)
  8. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I did read your inital post, and it broke my heart. It had me in tears. When I read it, I wasn't sure what to say that might help in any way. I have been there, and it is a very difficult thing to go through.

    I know, because we lost our German Shepherd 4 years ago. I had to make the same agonizing decision. He was very sick with cancer. We held him when they gave him the shot, and I fell apart. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. And I know how painful this is for you right now.

    I am so sorry.....

  9. tonakay

    tonakay New Member

    Your hurt will be so raw for a long time. My Maggie girl was better to me than my kids, she was always glad to see me, never asked me for money, and NEVER called from jail! My bed is so empty every night.. hub has his own 'snoring' We have a 4 year of min pin but she's daddys girl... Maggie wouldn't let her sleep with

    Your days will get easier as time goes by but the ache will be there daily.. and usually the tears!

    Rainbow bridge my friend,
  10. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Jole Kjade, Tonakay,

    Thank you. Your kind words help, like a salve on a deep wound....right now.... the wound will not be so deep as time passes. But right now your salve soothes in knowing folks understand and care. Thank you so.

    And Kjade, I am glad you were able to post, many times we read and do not respond, not knowing what to say.... but being on the receiving end of it, right now, I am very grateful for everyone's kind thoughts.

    Love, June
  11. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Thank you for your kind words.

    Now it has been two weeks. I still weep so. Eating breakfast, finding a package at my door and not knowing a truck was in my driveway.....that would never have happened!, leaving the house, coming back to the house, you name it and I am in tears.

    Oh, I miss her so. June

  12. poets

    poets Member

    I've followed your posts and you're still in my thoughts and prayers.

    Gentle Hugs,
  13. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    You are in my thoughts and prayer.

    People who don't love animals, do not understand how deep our feelings run for our pets and theirs for us. You were never selfish with keeping Sea-Ra alive. When the time came, it was you who made the decision to let Sea-Ra die gently, and on her own terms.

    Sea-Ra was very fortunate to have found her new 'family' with you. I have tears in my eyes knowing how difficult it is, and understanding your pain.

    As you said, only time will lessen this grief. Please know you are in my thoughts.

    Gentle hugs,

  14. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    What a great pet and you tell the story of her beautifully! Don't ever hesitate to come here to cyber chat as people here are very nice and understanding.

    I just lost my last kitty a week ago. I'll feel guilty for quite a while as she was mostly and indoor cat who liked to go out several times a night briefly. So I was the one who let her out and she never returned.

    I live in New England where there are many more coyotes than there used to be - but I've never seen or heard one and I live in an area with close houses and no trees to speak of - definitely not wooded. And I feed a half dozen or so feral cats each night and they are all still here.

    I did not mean to digress, just meant to say I understand what you are going through!! Time helps and we have the memories of our furbabies forever!!
  15. Doober

    Doober New Member

    2 female Australian Shepards myself. It is certain understandable the attachment and love we all have for our pets (I honestly like the term everyone else uses - Fur baby).

    They are a part of our family and we treat them as such. We yell at them when they do something bad, much like our human children. We love to hug and kiss them and praise them when they do something good, just like we do with our human babies. We enjoy their companionship just as much if not more than they enjoy ours.

    When it comes time to let them go, there is such a void. you are right when you say times heals. It does, and then we bring home another fur baby.

    Not just for our own sake, but to give a home to one who needs it. It is also a tribute to Our fur babies who have passed on, because we know that they would rather us to have someone in our home to watch over us and give us the companionship that they have given us.

    So, it is never easy to say goodbye to our families (fur babies and all). But it is very simple to enjoy the memories that they have given us.

    I hope for brighter days ahead. and for many new memories to come.
  16. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Doober, Frosty, Kim and Meg,

    Thanks guys!

    Thank you for validating it is alright to mourn so. One woman mentioned to me very sweetly how much she still missed her dog and said "I am coming to the conclusion sensitive people should not own pets."

    This happened to me oh, about 11 years ago. We lost another German Shepherd. I gave EVERYTHING away. Said I could/would not get another.... After about two years I began following other people's dogs around.

    Before I got arrested, I started visiting shelters to find the "right" dog.

    Although Sea-Ra came with her pure-bred papers, she was a rescued dog. She thanked us in spades, she took such good care of us.

    I guess I mentioned this before.... sorry for the ramble.

    Love, June
  17. doloresf1

    doloresf1 New Member

    Hi June. I just wanted to say I loved her name! Sea-Ra. Was it her registered name, or did you give her that name?

    Love, dolores
  18. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Sea-Ra was a rescued dog, we had been pound hunting for "the connection." We were not settled on any particular breed, (or so we thought) just needed to make that connection.

    So we made the rounds... On our second visit in two months time at one particular shelter, we were asked what kind of dogs we owned in the past and they took our phone number.

    Then three or four months after that discussion our phone rang, a call from the shelter. They had a German Shepherd on the waiting list to get into the shelter. The present owner would consider showing the dog at their home if we were interested.

    So we did. The owner was her FIFTH owner and she was only 2 1/2. Sea-Ra suffered separation anxiety and was creating havoc in folks homes when she was alone.

    She could give us no information on former owners except in the past two homes, the wives did not like her.

    When we adopted her, she was being called Sera. We were given her original papers and well wishes.

    At the time of her adoption, there was ALWAYS someone home in our house. I was taking care of my MIL in my home who had Alzheimers. When I went to work, 24 hours a week, a health care person came as my MIL could never be left alone. Consequently Sera was never left alone initially.

    My MIL's name was Sarah, and of course, she was hard of hearing. Most of the time when I said "Sarah" or "Sera" the wrong female would respond.

    Now, back to those papers. I brought Sera to the vets and brought the papers. On the form, C-Ra was listed. I asked the vet if that was a breeders way of identifying puppies, like puppy A, puppy B, puppy C and Ra might have meant something, she said she was not familiar with this at all.

    Well, when I said "C-Ra", my new buddy perked up. She responded with more enthusiasm to C-Ra than Sera.....

    I liked it better because C-Ra was a little more different sounding that Sera when I spoke out loud and this new name confused my MIL and the dog less.

    But, I thought it "looked odd" and since my husband and I love the ocean, we began to spell her name Sea-Ra.

    It turns out, while she did not like getting wet and did not willingly jump in any body of water, she did love the ocean, the beach, the docks, watching boats, watching boat owners.

    When my MIL passed away and Sea-Ra was home alone, she did exhibit the separation anxiety behavior. We tried everything... but resorted to medication finally after watching her suffer so, not to mention the house. Fortunately, the Klomicalm did not affect any other personality traits, JUST her anxiety.

    Funny, I think I exhibit separation anxiety also. Even though I had a parttime job and interests outside the home, I really had a hard time with kids going away to college, then moving away after graduation. My son, DIL and grandchildren...moving so far felt like my heart was being pulled out of my chest with all the veins and arteries with it. Still crying over that. One of my son's is in Iraq.... when he comes home in August, he will have spent two tours at two and a half years there.

    Sea-Ra went through that with me, she was the benefactor of all the hugs that would have gone to my kids, grandkids, besides those going her way anyway.

    And a side-note. When we first adopted Sea-Ra, she would tighten up when we gave her a hug, as if hugging a stone statue. Very slowly she began to tolerate hugs with less stress. Then, I began to feel a softening of her muscles when she got the hugs. Then, every morning when I came out of the bedroom (the only room she was not allowed in--doctors orders--for an allergy-free zone for me) if I started down the stairs without hugging her first, she would stand firm at the top stair and bark once.

    It meant, come back here, I did not get my hug. We would always sit on that very top step, side by side, my arm around her, for that morning hug. It did take some time, but so wonderful was that very first day SHE leaned into ME, wanting that contact.

    Long story Dolores!!! I got side tracked, sorry but that is how her name came about.

    Love, June