I would like to say thanks to the poeple who responded. I feel alttle lighter after telling my story and readingyour anwers. I've been always the stable, or calming voice in my family. A that was fine with me. But its so different now. I barely remember the woman that inhabited this body almost 6yrs ago. My heart still wants to worry and fix all the woes in the peoples lives that I love. I have been feeling such guilt for not being there more. And when I realized That my baby was probably gonna be sick like me, It broke my heart. It caused one humongous flare. and tomorrow I take my other daughter to the rheumatologist so that she can begin her testing. She has already been diagnosed with sever depressin, and adhd. I wonder everyday why I don't just cave in. Not because I want to, but because I am so very worn out. I feel like only god . I pray alot. and I'm so new at this. Iv'e only had my computer about 3 weeks. I know I am gong on and on. I guess its because I'm so gratefull not to be alone. So once more, I say... THANKYOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.