Some musings... First, I started the application process in late 2005 and had a hearing in January 2008. At the hearing, the ALJ verbally attacked my very being, she attacked my character, she belittled me for not doing laundry. She indicated that since I wore earrings to the hearing and had my hair cut twice in one year, I had the ability to work. She indicated that since I was receiving disability insurance, I had no incentive to work. Nothing I have ever experienced in my life has made me feel so violated as the ALJ did at the hearing. (BTW My past includesd a physically and mentally abusive father as well as an abusive first husband at whose hands I experienced numerous episodes of "consensual" rape.) Second, I am reading a nonfiction book where one of the characters has Alzheimer's Disease and came across this: "You can see the rest of the world and the life you've had, but you can't get there. You can never go back there again...A good description of a living hell." I thought this was a very good description of ME/CFS/FM. Third, my LTD insurance was reinstated! My LTD insurance company cancelled my coverage last October and I hired an attorney to represent me for that, plus a new Social Security application. Anyway, on Saturday I went to the mailbox and, lo and behold, there was a healthy check from the LTD insurance company with backpay going back to October!!!!!! I had no idea that was coming! Anyway, I am waiting to hear from my attorney as to what this means, how much can I rely on it continuing, etc. (Can't wait to see what my attorney does when we get to court on my Social Security!) Fourth, because I feel somewhat vindicated, the desire to hurt myself has left, for the time being... Janice P.