The Constant 24/7 pain wears one down.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by J-LO, Jun 10, 2003.

  1. J-LO

    J-LO New Member

    I'm going on 9 years with Myofascial Pain Syndrome/Fibromyalgia. What makes me full of guilt and anger
    is I'm all alone, only living with my mother, who was a
    fulltime housewife, and doesn't understand that a man's job
    has always been to work. Try dating someone who is a male
    and living with his mother. Impossible. The physical pain
    is bad enough, but the emotional pain of being all alone
    is unbearable.
    I graduated from college in 1976 in Mass Communications and
    looked forward to spending my life with someone. Yes, I know
    there are thousands who are divorced, and I'm always told how lucky I am to have never married.
    Well, when those who were divorced were married, for how
    long as possible, you at least had someone to share a life
    with.
    Since I'm male, I have to show a macho image. But, I'm extremely lonely. I haven't eaten out with someone my age
    (50 years old) for months. Try looking at a Friday newspaper
    on what to do with the family on a particular weekend, knowing that one will spend the whole weekend alone.
    I don't care to go anywhere alone, especially dining out.
    I was always an outgoing, funloving person who enjoyed
    casual conversation.
    There are NO support groups for me living in Milwaukee.
    If I'm feeling sorry for myself, I apologize. I'm just very
    lonely for lacking ANY friends (male or female).
    I'm as isolated as one can be, and I don't know where to turn to change this.
    I want to work so badly, but my energy level is not there, and my constant pain is demoralizing.
    Let me also mention that before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I underwent seven intestinal operations for
    bowel obstructions. In 1980-81, I had three operations.
    From 1994-96, I had four operations, including two within
    five days. I was in intensive care for four days, and was
    briefly on a ventilator. So, it's been one painful existence.
    My whole body just wore down completely from all the operations, and I believe my Fibromyalgia resulted from the
    intravenous use of antibiotics while I was hospitalized.
    All I can say is loneliness is a living hell. It really is.
    And there is no one who understands what I'm going through.
    Everyone who knows my mother privately can't comprehend
    why I'am living with her. They all believe I have some
    mental problem.
    And not understanding the real facts, I can't blame them for
    making that assessment.
    I don't know where to turn.
  2. Ishy75

    Ishy75 New Member

    Hi J-Lo,

    Great big hugssssssss for you cuz I think you can use that. I'm sorry to hear about the hard time that you're having. I can sympathize with you. Even sometimes when you are married a person can still be lonely, so I understand completely, and am so thankful for my computer. I think I'd go insane without it and the friends I've made. I've just recently been diagnosed with FM and still trying to understand it all. The right woman would truly understand the reasons for having to live with your mother. I also agree there are no support groups here in WI. for us. I can't even find the right doctor!! Sheesh! I'm in Fond du lac and the docs here suck! lol. If you ever need a friend close to home my email is on my profile. Once again, great big hugsssssssssssss.

    Ishy
  3. Manwithfibro

    Manwithfibro New Member

    I am married, work full-time and stay busy and still feel very alone at times. Feel like nobody can possibly hurt like this all over every single day.

    My advice as a man is to take atleast a part-time job. I know it may be tough but trust me, it will help with self-esteem. You are going to hurt anyways so you might as well do something that boosts your esteem. Find a part-time job
    doing something you love to do. It can be very lowkey like working in a pro shop at a golf course or even doing volunteer work in a hospital helping others that are also suffering.

    Good luck...this stuff does get you down. But focusing on what
    you can do sometimes helps you get through it.
  4. cindy_cfids

    cindy_cfids New Member

    Come join us at a place where Singles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and related illneses can find friends, relationships and hopefully romance.
    This is a nice positive,informative site. Please feel free to speak what's on your mind and tell us a little about yourself and how you are doing and coping.

    If you go to Yahoo Groups and search for Singles & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome you should be able to find it. It's a warm, positive group with 160 members now and growing fast. It's about 75% female & 25% male.
    Yahoo Group Name: CfidsandFMSingles
    Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & F/M Singles
  5. rlnia

    rlnia New Member

    1st of all, you can't be the only one where you live that has this, the trouble is finding them, as some have almost turned into hermits when they have their flair ups. Ask on this site for the Title, looking for other's that live in Milwakee. I am a F, Married, RN, who can't do the work that she loves, and I feel so alone. My husband just doesn't understand, and doesn't help in the right way. And I feel guilty as I am not able to perform what a wife is suppose to do. This guilt lays heavy on me. Be happy that you don't have to disappoint your family and feel guilty when your sick because you wouldn't be able to due your husbandly duties. Only my Mother understands. She even came and helped me for 3 weeks, when I was first dx, and I couldn't sit, stand, lay, or do anything without moaning and groaning. She was the best. She would warm vick's & rub it on my body, and read aloud The Hobbit to me, and I would lay there and go into Hobbit Land to be able to relax and go to sleep. I really needed her and she wants me to come live with her, and she says she could get me back on my feet. This isn't possible. She lives in Idaho, and I live in IA. I started seeing a counseler to talk, and I see a pain psychologist. She has helped me so much. Her office is at a big hospital, and when I get a little better I am going to go volunteer there. Doing things for others and helping others always makes us feel good. Does your Mom understand and support you in your health and position? How are you set up financially? I hope o.k. And why do you have to explain anything to anyone? It's none of their business. Just concentrate on finding the right program to get you feeling better. And I just found this site last Fri. and it is great. There are many of us. I was told to not got to the fibro support group here in town, as all you listen to is every one complaining,& whining, and this may add stress to your condition.
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    First, I'm glad you have found us. This is a great group of supportive people. I find it hard to believe that there is not one support group in a large city. Sometimes they are just hard to find. Check with the hospitals; sometimes they know of groups. If your doc is a specialist, ask him or her. If not, try to find a doc who specializes in our illnesses. Beware that support groups are a double-edge sword. They can easily break down into pity parties unless there are good moderators leading the meeting. Also, people with emotional problems can try to dominate the meetings.

    Our illnesses are most likely genetic, so the ABX were probably not responsible for your illness. You went through a lot of surgeries and the trauma might have been enough to trigger your illness. Some of us take ABX all the time in order to kill stealth infections from mycoplasmas.

    A couple of suggestions besides looking for a good doc and support groups. Find a good therapist who can help you with the grieving process for all that you have lost to your illness. If your Mom is able to get out, take her out to movies and dinner or just to shop or run an errand. It will get you out and she will love it. Realize how hard it is for her to see you so sick. I also felt horrible living with my Mom and not being able to be productive and contribute, but it gave my Mom great pleasure to be there for me when I needed her. She died a year ago and I miss her terribly.

    There is a wonderful opportunity to learn about your illness and treatments at this site. I have learned so much and am getting better and I have both FMS and CFIDS. After 2 1/2 years out of work, I am getting read to go back thanks to the treatments I learned about here.

    Good luck with everything and even though I'm sorry you are sick and isolated right now, I'm glad you found us. We truly understand how you feel.

    Love, Mikie