The End of a Journey or is it The Beginning

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mwduffey, May 24, 2006.

  1. mwduffey

    mwduffey New Member

    I am confused as to where I am at, they tell me they think they have a answer. Wow 17 yrs and now they tell me i may have RA and FM. Seems i test negitive for RA but I am so lucky to fall into it anyway.

    Started me on meds in Oct wow, life was great I can do this thought i had my life back my husband and kids are so grateful that i have returned from where I had been hiding for the last 9 yrs. Then we had a flare up in March and the nigthemare starts over, today as i set in the office and listened to the answers they had for me. They felt like a death sentence. How can I belive my life is over at 40. They are telling me that before we can treat the RA i have to learn to manage FM.

    I must learn to manage my life, learn to put limits on my life. When all i want to do is be apart of life, how do you explain to your family that the person that came back from the grave was only here for a short time and she left again. My husband thinks because the meds worked for a short time that we just need to change them. But the Dr's say that is not how it works, RA is not my main problem it is the FM.

    How do you tell the one you love that he is more the problem then the problem itself. That you try and try but you can't seem to be the person they need you to be.

    I have spent this day trying to understand this, is it the end or just another beginning in my life. I have lived with bi polar for so long, that i know that depression is the demon i fight I understand it. But I can't seem to understand this fight, it is bigger then me.

    So i have spent the day trying to find answers and all i come up with is that there is none. Just more unanswered questions.

    Not sure why I am here other then it is where i ended up.

    No rest for me as my brain does not know how to be quite at this moment.

    Melinda
  2. gladone

    gladone New Member

  3. Lalania1970

    Lalania1970 New Member

    Hey Melinda,
    I also suffer with FM and they say manage it before anything else, which I try to do everyday. I do push myself to much somedays and regret it so limit your time and energy. Don't try to be someone you aren't. I have found a wonderful support group here and I think you will find one also. You came to this sight seeking help, so that is a start. I do have some good info on Fibro and in a book some letters that you can have your loved ones & kids read to help them understand this alittle better.
    If you have a support group in the town where you live GO it does help. If not we are here for you!!!!! I have had days where you are and I find kindness & understanding in the chat here.
    If you want the letters let me know my ewmail addy is youandi20012000@yahoo.com.
    God Bless & I hope this will help you some.
    Lani
  4. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    I was your age Melinda when i had to pack in work (did'nt know i had Fibro then), but have been ill since my 20's after a very serious car crash. Had another 2 since then as well and various other accident's.

    I was only diagnosed 3 year's ago and the past few months have only just started to manage and live with Fm and all that come's with it.

    You will get to a stage of acceptance but this will take time.
    I too bought loads of book's and left leaflet's everywhere for family and friend's to read to try and help them understand how i was feeling.

    I have now give up on that as it was making me even more stressed out trying to explain how you feel.

    I too would try and join a support group which i did and it was a lifeline for me and we all still meet as friend's when we are able. It rearly does help and only those with Fm can truly understand how you feel.

    I never thought i would say this but i have actually a much better and happier life now as i finally know what's wrong with me. I now take one day at a time and do what i can.

    I also go to hydrotherapy once a week and have made some wonderful friend's there too.

    Yes my life has changed dramatically but give yourself time and read up as much as you can and as the other friends on here have said we are all here for you to vent or whatever any time.

    Keep posting and let is know how you are getting on.

    Lastly i have given up trying to explain now to my hubby as it just causes more argument's which stress's me out even more.

    Hope i have been of some help to you.

    Take care.
    Julie jo.
  5. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    I'd say it's both an end and a beginning. It is important to grieve the person you used to be, the things you used to do that you can no longer manage to do, etc. It's good to take some time to feel those things without getting overwhelmed with grief.

    Moving on from there, you'll find there is still some joy in life. You can still do things, just differently and with limitations. You will learn to pace yourself, reduce the stress in your life, ask for help when you need to, avoid toxic people and environments, and basically make your own needs a priority.

    I've had this illness for many years, the past 8 have been severe. It's taken a lot of experimentation with medication and treatment modalities to find what works best for me, and quite frankly, I've had to make my way through a lot of heartache before I came to a place of inner-peace.

    My life is different than it used to be but it's a good life.

    The greatest thing to know you're not alone. You have a loving group right here to help you along the way. Step by step, day by day, minute by minute.

    God bless you.
    Anne Theresa
  6. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Hi Melinda ~

    How great that you can see, even now, the possiblity of it being a beginning.

    It's the end of the people-pleasing-at-any-cost Us and the beginning of the self-nurturing (not selfish!), self-appreciative, realistic Us. The real Us. Anyone who can't love us for Us needs to move on - if they haven't already.

    How wonderful that you got a break in your illness. I'll bet, though, you went full-bore back into doing more than humanly possible or at least more than possible for the person you really are. Not that I blame you one bit! In the past, give me one barely good day and, against everything I know, I'm on my feet and DOING, here, there and everywhere, all those things I've been "needing" and wanting to do.

    Of course, then I'd crash.

    I'm changing that though. (After 11 years, I'm obviously a very slow learner.) I'm no longer going hell-bent-for-leather (what does THAT mean anyway?) any chance I get. Just yesterday I realized that my life actually may never be same (fast-paced, juggling ten things at once, being The Manager of the Universe), my friends will not be the same type of people (Type A, like I've been, go-getters), the things I enjoy will be simpler, that I will take better care of me and let anyone over the age of 21 take care of themselves (this is big for me). Overall, in order to have any decent quality of life, my expectations must be different. Not necessarily worse but different.

    Hurray for us! We can do this. Mourn and move on, like AnnaMarie said; that's what we can do. Let's declare this day a new beginning.

    A big group hug,
    Marta
    [This Message was Edited on 05/25/2006]
  7. Dee50

    Dee50 New Member

    Hang in there:) We have to keep our chins up. I know that it's very hard at times. Keep learning and listening to your body. I started a new beginning on 3/8/2006 when I started the Guai Protocol. We have to keep moving forward. I'll be thinkin' about you and praying for you. Life is so hard sometimes but this too will pass and things will get better. I think about all the things I'm lucky enough to still be able to do and then things don't feel so bad:)
    Dee50