I just had a birthday, I'm 47. I am not married, have no children and a very small limited family which consists of only 5 people. I have extensive family in Europe, Australia and Canada, but not here in the states. Every once in a while it "hits" me as to how alone I am. Having FM, with chronic pain being the worst of it, fatigue, migrains, mild depression, sleep issues, etc, I feel even MORE alone. I worry almost everyday and have anxiety just thinking about my future. I do work, full time, and do have friends at work....................but I usually keep them at a distance after work because they can be a very playful energetic group.....and I am not. It take all my will just to work full time, take care of my 83 year old mother, make decisions for her and myself and take care of a house, bills, cleaning, etc. I have tried so many "diversion" tactics such as trying to keep busy, trying to get involved with work while I am at work, but these tactics just ware me out, make me feel anxious, my FM flares up, then I get depressed and unmotivate all over again. Dating is almost out of the question. Although people who know I have FM tell me I look remarkably well, put together, dress nice, but all this is done with sooooooooo much difficulty that I just don't embrace what they say. Getting back to dating.............what a joke. How could I ever "reveal" my true self to a man, he would run as fast as he can, LOL. The thought of it alone gives me anxiety, plus I am too old obviously for children. I have tried talk therapy, but am very uncomfortable talking about my FM, lonliness, anxiety so forth, believe me, I tried talking with 3 therapists in the past 10 years since I was diagnosed, and it was a complete waste of time, enery and money. Now, I am so stuck. I feel trapped, unable to keep up, even with my job, although I do keep up with it somehow. I live with my mom and we share expenses because there is no way I can re-do this house without her help, then I wonder how I will do it alone financially without her. So many things go through my mind that I just don't know how to "let it go" because there seems to be so much against me. It sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself because basically I am sorry for myself. There just doesn't seem to be any meaning, no romance with this sick body, no extra money and the future seems bleak to me. This is not depression, but hard core realty in the making, I just don't know what to do about it. Thanks for listening to this rant. Love you guys, Love Chelz.