The guilt monster

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Redwillow, Oct 28, 2006.

  1. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    I am trying to fight the guilt monster today!

    I know that I didn't ask to be ill, so I have no reason to feel guilty for being ill. And most days I can handle being home where I need to be.

    I know that I have a lot less flares since I quit my job and get more rest. My husband reminds me that I shouldn't over do or I will get sick!

    BUT sometimes when I look into my dear husbands face and he is so tired from working 60 plus hours a week to keep a roof over family's head, then he comes home and works at all the chores that need done at home... the guilty starts eating me alive!

    I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. I coast along as best I can. But when the car needs repairs, or the refrigerator needs to be replaced... or I think about how much money I spend each month in herbs and medications to make me feel better I start to panic.

    That is when the guilt monster grabs hold of me again. Just needed to vent!

    hugs Redwillow
  2. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Thanks Ouch

    The hugs and kisses are appreciated.

    hugs and kisses back
    Redwillow
  3. spacee

    spacee Member

    I totally agree with you. I doubt that there are many on this board who are not adversely affected monetarily by this DD.
    Even if they are lucky enought to have alot of money, this DD still COSTS!!

    Those in the middle, it robs of retirement money and such. Then the ones my heart hurts for are the ones on disablity and cannot afford the meds/supplements.

    Just wanted to let you know, I totally understand.

    Hugs,

    Spacee
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Redwillow:

    Good for you! You have a caring husband and know that he is doing right by you.

    There are plenty of ways you can show him you love him, too.

    A rare commodity in this world.

    hugs,
    nyrofan
  5. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    What a sweetheart you married. Obviously he has good taste too.

    Marta
  6. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Thank you, all you wonderful people! Your replies are making me feel so much better! I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

    Yes you are right I do have a wonderful husband! He keeps me going and reminds me to take care of myself.

    Tonight I cooked him his favorite roast beef supper. I am tired but I know he really enjoyed it. There are left overs in the fridge! Anyone want to join us? LOL

    hugs to all of my special internet family
    Redwillow
  7. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    When you love someone there is no room for guilt.I'm sure your husband is glad those herbs or what ever help you feel better.
    I have a wonderful husband to and I do know what you feel.Men are kinda funny if you give them your attention and lesson to their good or bad days they feel our love and return double to us.

    I feel bad when my husband wants to go to a movie or out to eat and I just can not leave the house because of my pain.I would love to be able to do things with him .It is the Physical Pain that keeps me from even a simple evening out.Now that the cold has set in it will be worse.

    I'm sure all of us feel guilt when we have to depend on our better half for so much.I always thought I'd be the caregiver .I know he knows I do what I can .I just worry at times about other healthy women that might decide they want him. He just laughts at me and says" no way ".

    I just love him as much as I can and tell him I love him for being the Kind Hearted person He is.
  8. Seeseaisme

    Seeseaisme New Member

    that's what the preacher said and that's what it means.

    The monster lurks here, also. I run him off with those thoughts.

    I am what I am and I say the Serenity Prayer daily.

    God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

    Courage to change the things I can,

    And Wisdom to know the difference.

    This slays the monster, every time.


  9. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    I went to a movie with my DH which is twice this month.I've put off telling him I'm not up to a Football party a neighbor is throwing this month.He wants to go.I explained about sensory overload with all the people and yelling.I like being with him but crowds are just to much but he can go if he likes.He was so disappointed but understood so I guess I did alright.I know just what your saying it's so hard to not feel guilty especially when they are so understanding of our illness.We used to go out every weekend and do things with friends.
  10. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Thanks everyone for helping me push the guilt away. All of you said such nice things! This is a wonderful board with some wonderful people!

    Carebelle, Ranigar, and Loved I guess I am not the only one that worries about not being able to do things with our hubby's.

    My husband goes to our son's hockey games alone now, the cold damp arena really increases my pain.

    We have always worked on our house together. We started building a house the second year we were married and have built it all ourselves as we could afford it. 28 years later and we are still working on it. LOL

    Unfortunately my DH has to do it all now. He is so sweet about it. Goes and gets me a lawnchair and tells me he just wants me to keep him company. He is definitely a keeper!

    Seeseaisme your serenity pray is lovely. Thank you for sharing it with me.

    So thanks everyone. I will try to tell the guilt monster to get lost! I really appreciate all the kind words and listening to me vent!

    hugs Redwillow
  11. leobear

    leobear New Member

    Many marriages dont last through CFS/FM/ME. You all sound like yours has, and you appreciate what your guy does for you.
    I know at times I was just so sick I didnt want anyone near me, thankfully I got past that.
    In the last six months before my husband was killed in a car crash we were closer than we had been for a long time, and I could see he was happy. Thank God for those times, to look back on.
    Cherish those wonderful partners you have!

    Cherish Deep within You
    the Love you Share Today
    Let the Moments Linger
    Cause Tomorrow may Steal that Love Away
    Yes Tomorrow may Steal that Away

    from a song by Mary Black

    take care,leobear

  12. huska

    huska New Member

    I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE A WONDERFULL HUSBAND TO SUPPORT YOU. THAT'S ALREADY A WONDERFULL THING.
    I TOO FEEL GUILTY, WITH THE PAIN I FEEL, THE MONEY I HAVE TO SPEND AND I KNOW MY HUSBADN HAS HIS OWN PAIN. HE HAS CROHN,3 HERNIAS IN HIS BACK.....I THINK THAT'S ALREADY TO MUCH FOR HIM TOO.
    I'M SURE YOU DO ALL THE BEST YOU CAN FOR YOUR FAMILY.
    O HOPE WHEN YOU GET THIS YOUR GUILTY THOUGHTS ARE GONE.

    IF YOU WEREN'T A NICE PERSON I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T FEEL GUILTY.....

    LOVE,
    OLGA
  13. supergirl99

    supergirl99 New Member

    have put it better! My Husband also works his but off and I have stopped working, it really gets you doesn't it. I try to remember that he loves me and thats why he does it and he wouldn't want me to work because I would be soooo ill then. He tells me this too, but I rwally relate to what you are saying.

    chin up
    x
  14. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    It IS hard to keep from feeling guilty sometimes, but remember that you are doing the best you can!

    You DID NOT cause your illness and you are so lucky to have a husband who is living out "in sickness and in health".

    I know that "guilt happens", but try not to stress over it too badly - and be sure to let your DH KNOW what his support means to you. He already does, but hearing you say it will reinforce what he already knows.

    - julie (is free!)
  15. Kryssie

    Kryssie New Member

    I know that guilt has to be hard. Be thankful you have a husband to help you out. Im a single mom w/3 kiddos. Granted my children are older but they are all still under 18.

    I feel guilty this has taken away from my children and put more on them as far as helping with the house, etc.

    I know how you feel. well, almost.