THE PORCHLIGHT VOLUME #664 IS CLOSED

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lydia1, Nov 29, 2013.

  1. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    Julie, glad you FINALLY got my emails....they must have gotten lost out there in Cspace...huh. Some things can be fast and some s l o w...

    You wouldn't know what to do with yourself in my environment....ummm

    Listening to this neat lady on the r a d i o, this station changes moderators and she was talking about Tgiving and how she spent it alone and loved every moment,,,,cleaned her place and "ate walnuts and diet coke"....she had gotten into how her family for years ended up in disputes, etc and she did a 360 this year...she loved and reflected on her good life... I've talked to some store clerks and they were happy to work on that day as they needed the money.....

    Whatever fits, is what it is.

    Mikie, grrrrrrrr, you need to be better to do that travelling..... Well, I guess it's oatmeal breakfast, coming up....jm
  2. lydia1

    lydia1 Well-Known Member

    Hi Jam...I never did get the pics of Tori...just one email with the pic of the turkey and telling me that Diane has posted the Tori one for you. Weird, for sure...I even looked in my "spam" folder and they weren't in there. Oh well, at least it got done :)

    Honestly, many days I would welcome a slower pace for myself. It "feels" like the situations of taking care of our parents, then kids and grandkids have been "thrust" upon us, but in reality, we could have said "no". But we just had to do what felt right at the time, and do what we were able to. As Mikie said, it's not what I do, it's what I am...very good point.

    Tis the season, true! I don't mean Christmas...I mean that, just as you and Granni and many others who are a few years older than me, had your busy/crazy years...these are mine right now :p It's more than possible that in 20 years, I will not be driving three hours to a chiro appt. or even two hours to a family dinner or school function.

    I know you all understand, better than I do, since you have already "been there"...I would just be happy to feel a little "caught up" once in awhile. Am feeling very overwhelmed right now...sorting things in my parent's mobile home. I have actually gotten rid of some things, but the piles don't seem to be getting any smaller.

    I know my one brother's kids would probably like to have some of their gma and gpa's things, but they are living with my brother and his wife right now, so have no room to store anything. Still, I am trying to get the knick-knacks and usable things "on display" so they can come pick out (and take) what they want....things that I feel pretty sure my dad won't even remember and certainly doesn't need.

    But in the 2 1/2 years since my parents moved to the care center, their trailer not only has their stuff back in there, but some of Lindsey and David's things...and some of our things (that we had to store when we moved to the shop/house.)

    Maybe I'm a hoarder, and just haven't been "diagnosed" as such yet? If so, I come by it quite naturally, seeing some of the things my parents had kept. And so does Den, by looking at the things his dad has hung onto. So, we both are screwed, lol!

    But, I am trying to remind myself that when our things start controlling our lives, instead of the other way around...it means we have too many "things." And I tell myself over and over that I don't need to "save" anything for anyone else...the kids and grandkids probably aren't going to even want our stuff...they will already have their own stuff, lol!

    There, now I've given myself a lecture/pep talk...and am ready to go tackle some more...

    Thinking of everyone, hope you are all doing as well as possible.
  3. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    Yeah, Julie many hold on to too much and there are some of us that "let go"...and put it out to the universe for others to "maybe" enjoy. I've had my share of collectibles and have some in drawers (dust collectors) and I know my daughter and her kids won't want them, I KNOW that, they have SO MUCH already and our tastes are different too. I keep looking at a stack of "health books" I've collected in my long years and getting ready to bag them for goodwill so maybe others can benefit.... I've learned so much from them and my brain still works good and I store a lot up there....then there is the net with so much info.

    When my parents were still alive back East, my sis and I would visit when we did and we would start getting rid of stuff, as we knew we would end up cleaning everything out....and we did...I was still in better condition and my sis was still functioning with a walker with the MS she deals with....now she can't walk...

    One trip I folded probably 20 shirts my dad never wore and they were just hanging in the closet as he wore his favorites and never looked at the others.....my mom worried he would miss them and saved the "pile" and he put them back in the closet....could not let go and let someone use them.....they just didn't do any of the psychology about life, etc....

    My sis was a addictive shopper and they would have yard sales over the years and get of so much "expensive" stuff they did not need anymore....I'm sure those who bought their stuff loved it.

    Then I have 2 lady bridge friends who were major collectors and they are both declining and we don't think they will live much longer...their homes are FILLED, they look like antique shops.

    I have another bridge friend who lives in a mega million $ house and it's filled with "Stuff" from their world travels...I get dizzy when I go to her house for bridge.....major collectors and this woman has a lot of money and this major house and always talks "lack" and shops at 99cent store....mind boggling I say...

    This same lady talks about her closet full of clothes in every size from an 8 to her current 20, she hangs on to them all "thinking" she might be able to wear the small ones some day.....I tell her, let them go and let others enjoy your nice clothes.....but does it happen, no.

    My closets are very empty as I've gotten rid of a lot in recent years and then I think of the "fake fur" coat I have hanging there that I bought when I lived in San Jose (colder).....that was 20+ yrs ago and it's hanging there....gotta let it go....

    It's interesting, I just threw out a pile of alternative health newsletters...and the books will be next, soon....

    I just can't help but think I don't want to leave all this stuff for my child to get rid of, I've been there with my parents.....

    I've seen those hoarder shows, good grief....I always say, simple is best, less is best... We all get there somehow. The Japanese live very simple lives, they don't have a lot of space to store stuff, so it's good in many ways.... jam

    Yes, Julie, I'm 20 yrs older but maybe some of this old wisdom will rub off over the years....and some day hopefully you'll kick back and do nothing some days....how does that sound....but try to kick back some now....if that's in your mindset....and let others do more, I think it's called delegation.....My bro and sis are 3000 miles away and have always been, but delegating is good in families...
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2013
  4. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Julie - Don't feel bad about feeling or being called a HOARDER. DH thinks I do the same thing and I am not event close. He throws stuff out even if that means will may have to buy whatever it is soon.

    Mikie - Sorry you are feeling badly again. Just baby yourself now, the heck with the house and getting it pe.rfect while you are gone. REST ALOT . Yes, the timing stinks ! I have had similar problems with feeling bad right before a trip or special occasion. Hope you feel better soon so you are really up for your lovely trip.

    SW, Jam, Rock and everydobby , a special shout out to you all too. Gotta go get ready for our special dinner tonight out with 2 other couples in a great Italian place - my favorite.

    Hope all are well. Stuff is still not good with DH . We heard from DD's x hubby who passed on some words to us which we not very good. I am just afraid she my end up dead someplace or something else happening. At this point not sure she would even accept any $ from us and she has none, I believe, no car or permanent place to stay. The AA put her up at a motel in town somewhere. We'll see if she communicates any more with him. She was upset and didn't want him to give her place address or phone number to anyone or US. Very upsetting !:(

    Gotta run for now.

    Love you all,
    Granni :)
  5. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    Granni, how hard it has to be with your DD...Alanon would have a lot of "wisdom/advice" so that this does not destroy your lives...You know how much I talked about my days in Alanon, it saved me and thank goodness my daughter is OK....but it was "H***L. I'm so sorry...and say, keep faith, I don't know much at all about your issues, but as my daughter has said "mom have faith in me".... jam

    And I agree with your DH, we really need so little. He and I would agree sounds like.
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2013
  6. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    The fake fur in my closet is going in my car trunk and I will drop it off at goodwill on thursday...some in the universe will probably use it for something......I'm feeling a good lift already, why keep it hanging there....It's at the door along with some sweaters I grabbed to give away....looking at all the stuff I still have, I reflect on "what a shopper I was"....working hard, making money and spending.....too bad I didn't listen more to mom, and saved more...ummmmmmmm
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2013
  7. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Member

    Jam, et al,

    Thanks for your input but she already goes to AA and supposedly has been free of liquor or wine for 1 year. One of her sons pinned her the other night with her 1 year pin. Something really screwing is going on. According to someone there who told my x sil that she has been doing a lot of telling tales or lying. So I am suspecting lots of stuff she has told us lately is not true either. As of now she doesn't want to speak to us. Who knows if that will change. She may go up to her x's place to be close to the boys which would be good. However, she will need a car and clothes and he doesn't have enough to support her and doesn't want to have to. We may offer a bit of $ but she might not even take it. He is not even sure that she will contact him again. This DD has not much self esteem or confidence. The really weird part is that she stuck it out with the boys until recently when he wanted to take the boys and he was having his problems. She was there for the youngest when he has leukemia. Now he is leukemia free and doing well. At that time she was doing all the running of him back and forth to the hospital, etc. and I think her x's dad told him he had better step up and do what was best for the boys.

    There may be psychological things going on and maybe depression after she couldn't find a job and losing her boyfriend an even fiancé at one time. At one time back when she called him her ROCK !! Not sure she can take all those things plus the liquor problems and who knows if other things were in play either. She kept lots of things to herself about any problems other than her x SO. Also had no idea of her problems with alcohol that I figured she had a long time ago, her x husband did some pretty heavy beer drinking too. I am thinking and hoping he has cleaned up his act. I know his dad has tried to steer him on the right track for the boys. She is 46 and he is probably close to that.

    I just cannot get to involved with stuff and I know that will not be good for my b/p.

    Bye for now.

    Hugz,
    Granni :(
  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Kids,

    This is the 30th post so will go start a new Porch when I'm done.

    Julie, thanks for good wishes about my health. So far, last night and this morning, no symptoms of the UTI but that's how it all started--off and on. I still have some ABX and will take them with me when I go. On top of everything else, Denver is going to get a ton of snow dumped on it on Wed. and Thurs. I just hope it's all cleaned up by Fri. and the delayed flights are back on time. I may end up staying with other DD in Atlanta and going to Denver another time. At least, I have some options; I got trip insurance. Thanks for your prayers. My Mom also reached out to a person, or people, I couldn't see in her room when she died. She had the most amazing look on her face. It's such a comfort to know that something so wonderful awaits us.

    Jam, I think there are a lot of us for whom just staying home and doing what we want is the best way to celebrate a holiday. My DD once said it was hard for her to celebrate Xmas, knowing I was alone. I told her I had had many Xmases with her and her sister and my ex and now, it's her turn. They don't realize that some of us change as we get older. I have the most beautiful red, green and white satin jammies and robe, a gift from my Mom, and I plan on wearing them out on the Balcony on Xmas to have my coffee.

    Granni, you and your family are still in my prayers. I pray things work out for your DD. Thanks for your good wishes for my trip too. I'm actually more concerned with the weather. I can take the ABX I have on hand if the UTI rears its ugly head. I have to go over to the condo mtg. to turn in receipts for the landscaping supplies I bought so I can get reimbursed. My printer won't print until I change out the color cartridges. It's always a pain to do it. Or, I could wait til I get back. Not gonna pressure myself about anything before the trip. I do want to clean the floors and should be able to get that done. All that traipsing in and out while I was planting and then, feeling too crappy to clean has left my floors looking awful. When I get back, I'll need to shampoo the carpeting.

    Well, Kids, that's about it since I've done nothing of note for a couple of days. Again, hope we hear from our MIA's, even if it's only to let us know they are OK.

    Love, Mikie