Think Doctor got the message!?!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jpswife_4boys, Sep 27, 2002.

  1. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I just got home from my dr. visit. I didn't want to go but my hubby insisted I go and talk with him about this severe flare I've been in. Once again I started crying as soon as I got there. (I suffer with chronic depression and have for most of my life) After talking with me about my concerns, he asked me if I would be willing to go see a psychologist. I was furious. I normally don't speak out of line, I've been taught to respect others such as doctors.
    But, growing tired of this pain, and unable to express how I feel I asked him why did he suggest that. He said because it was 12 noon and I'm sitting here crying. He asked me why am I crying. I told him it's because I'm actually talking about my pain, that I desperately wanting someone to understand. This DD is depressing in itself. To be so young and to feel so old, tired, hurting and not being the person I use to be is extremely depressing. He said he understood and left it at that. I told him I was tired of people thinking this disease is in OUR heads. That it is real!! He said he knows that it's real and that he treats at least 100 people with FM. He explained to me that he wanted me to help him learn what he could do to help me. He said he needed me to explain everything to him so he could find the right treatment for me. I hope that he and I can work together as he said to find some sort of relief. I feel that it is up to me to research and to learn all I can about this DD. I need to learn about myself and help educate my doctors. I will not allow anyone to suggest to me that I need psychologial help. (For some reason the dr. thinks that I've been through some tradgic experience. I have not.)
    Any way I just needed to vent. Doctors need to remember that they are paid help. I can hire you and I can fire you!

    Crissie
  2. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I just got home from my dr. visit. I didn't want to go but my hubby insisted I go and talk with him about this severe flare I've been in. Once again I started crying as soon as I got there. (I suffer with chronic depression and have for most of my life) After talking with me about my concerns, he asked me if I would be willing to go see a psychologist. I was furious. I normally don't speak out of line, I've been taught to respect others such as doctors.
    But, growing tired of this pain, and unable to express how I feel I asked him why did he suggest that. He said because it was 12 noon and I'm sitting here crying. He asked me why am I crying. I told him it's because I'm actually talking about my pain, that I desperately wanting someone to understand. This DD is depressing in itself. To be so young and to feel so old, tired, hurting and not being the person I use to be is extremely depressing. He said he understood and left it at that. I told him I was tired of people thinking this disease is in OUR heads. That it is real!! He said he knows that it's real and that he treats at least 100 people with FM. He explained to me that he wanted me to help him learn what he could do to help me. He said he needed me to explain everything to him so he could find the right treatment for me. I hope that he and I can work together as he said to find some sort of relief. I feel that it is up to me to research and to learn all I can about this DD. I need to learn about myself and help educate my doctors. I will not allow anyone to suggest to me that I need psychologial help. (For some reason the dr. thinks that I've been through some tradgic experience. I have not.)
    Any way I just needed to vent. Doctors need to remember that they are paid help. I can hire you and I can fire you!

    Crissie
  3. HOUSEOFBLUES

    HOUSEOFBLUES New Member

  4. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Getting counseling should not be looked at as a negative thing. It really can help you learn to deal with the changes that are going on in your life right now. It doesn't mean you aren't suffering physically.

    While you may not view what you are going through as tragic, in fact this life changing illness you are dealing with is like a major tragedy in many ways. You have to go through the stages of anger, grief, acceptance, etc. Having a professional help you can make a huge difference. Since you have already said you have chronic depression, counseling does not seem out of line here.

    I know how frustrating it is to have a doc tell you it is all in your head. I sat in a doctor's office telling him what was wrong with me and having him tell me it was all anxiety. So then I argued with him and wouldn't back down. I came away feeling very frustrated and like he wasn't interested in learning anything about what is wrong with me.

    I found that continuing in therapy while I was going through the diagnosis and initial treatment phase of my illness was quite beneficial. In fact, I've just been thrown another curve ball that has nothing to do with my illness, but it is affecting me and my illness. I talked to my therapist yesterday and made an appointment for next week.

    Often it is difficult for a doc to find out what is really bothering you when you are crying through the appointment. It can also be difficult for you to remember all the things you want to talk about because the crying can be distracting to you as well.

    I wish you luck in getting the help you need.

    Barbara
  5. tired42long

    tired42long New Member

    Hey Crissie, I had the very SAME thing happen to me. I had been down with a terrible "flare" last winter. I was crawling to bathroom and couldn't get outa bed for anything for weeks. when I did, my heart would go into very erratic rhythm and I was so weak even eating was a chore. I went by ambulance a couple times to the ER...the second time was given IV fluids that helped me within just an hour or so. I WALKED out of the ER on my own. A few days later, was back to the bed and heart going crazy again. My husband rushed me to clinic and we discussed why the IV helped me so much and asked if that could be tried again. My doc had her assistant tell me "go home and drink some water and get an appt. with a counselor". I was SOOOOO P@#*%D!! BUT, I did eventually go to the counselor...one I had seen 5 years ago during a particularly rotten family time for me. She is awesome. I only went because I thought if I was applying for SSD, I didn't want anyone saying I was trying to defy my docs tx plan and I thought, hey, it's covered,so what could be the damage. I went and talked to this counselor and in th first 5 minutes found more help than I had in a year and a half from docs that admit they can't help you much. The point is, this counselor has been through recent breast cancer (she confided in me about) and told me straight out that YOU have to be your best medical advocate. She gave me pointers in helping deal with health issues, said she would help direct me to alternative meds if I want to at some point, and talked to me about being more ACTIVE with my health team. A few days later I wrote 3 letters out (no less than 3 pages each) to several docs I've had. I spelled it all out in black and white. Lots of questions I feel have been avoided, lots of points regarding my illness, Asked them for more input and more TEAMWORK! I have been getting a little more feedback and all of this has pushed me to be more of a 'student' regarding this illness and stop waiting for the docs to cure me. i am way less ignorant now. This is HOW i got to this site. So, when a doc says, 'how about counselling---it is not always a bad thing....living with chronic illness is hell and having a counselor to talk to about it doesn't mean you have a mental problem...it means you are frustrated and scared and worried and having someone to talk to other than family or friends...someone that may have other channels for you, may very well help. PS. I know from past exp. it is sometimes hard to find the RIGHT person to work with you and one you click with. but it can happen. If you decide to do this even though the doc ticked you off, you may find a surprisingly good advocate to work with. Hugs, eileen
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Please, hear me out. You stated that you suffer from chronic depression. This is the reason to see a therapist. Our illnesses ARE NOT "all in our heads," but we need help with the emotional aspects of our illnesses. I am taking advantage of my mental health benefits and am grateful for them.

    Now, as far as your pain goes, you need to find a pain specialist who will help you get some relief from your pain. Our sleep, stress, depression, and pain all play a roll in how we feel.

    You are exactly right when you say you need to research. Our docs often know nothing about our illnesses and it is up to us to find what is out there in terms of treatment.

    Therapy won't hurt and just may help you to cope with your illness and its effect on your life. At least give it some consideration.

    Love, Mikie
  7. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    was upset that he suggested for me to go see a psychologist is because my neurologist suggested the same thing. She said that all my problems were due to depression. She said that fibromyalgia didn't exsist and that it was a catch all phrase. I assumed that he was suggesting the same thing. Now that I have had time to gather my senses and read the post you were so kind to write I now see his point. My dr. was even upset with my neurologist for saying that my depression was the cause of my problems. In fact he said that although I have depression there is something else going on. I was just diagnosed with this disease in August. I have not yet come to terms with it, accepted it or emotionally dealt with the fact that I'm ill. As I sit here tears are rolling down my face. I just can't seem to understand the lose of life I'm dealing with. My dr. gave me a new prescription called norpramin. I asked what it was for he said it use to be used to treat depression, but it was discovered to help chronic pain. It is suppose to subside the pain signals being transmitted to the brain so as to help reduce the pain. I'm not sure if it's something I want to take after reading about the side effects which some can be very dangerous, ie..heart attack! I will take into consideration what you have said. I have another dr. appointment in 2 weeks so I will keep an opened mind about what you posted and discuss this with my dr.

    Thank you all from the bottom of my broke heart!
    Crissie
  8. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    I have NEVER had a doctor tell me FMS is in my head. However, I do see a social worker. I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life, way before I was diagnosed with FMS. Since being diagnosed with FMS, I find I need her more. She helps me sort out my feelings regarding this illness and how to cope. There is no crime in talking about how you feel and taking care of yourself. A lot of so-called "normal" people see mental health workers. I would love to find one person who doesn't have issues that he or she could talk about. I hope you find an empathetic counselor who you can open up to and share your feelings, concerns and triumphs. You will feel like the world has lifted off your shoulders! Good luck!

    Annette2
  9. Dlee

    Dlee New Member

    My prayers are with you.
    Donna
  10. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I am glad you are realizing that you need to be informed about your illness in order to help yourself as much as possible. Even the best doctors don't always have all the answers.

    This site is a great place to begin learning. You can read posts by other members and ask questions. You can also search through old posts and find a lot of valuable information on just about every topic. Finally you can go to the library and search through all the articles there. there is a wealth of information on this site alone.

    One thing that I found very helpful to me was an internet self help course I took. It is for people with Cfids and/or FM. The course is lead by a trained facilitator and you have a brief assignment to do each week. Between the assignment and responses from the others in the group you can get a lot of help on improving your health and dealing with your new dx. To find this class do a search on google. If you type in cfids fm selfhelp it should be the first site that comes up.

    Good luck and keep learning. It's the best way to help yourself feel better.

    Barbara



  11. FMSisAPain

    FMSisAPain New Member

    when I visited a psychologist. What we discussed was how I could change my attitude and expectations so that I could deal with this DD, *not* how it was all in my head. Never once was I made to feel I was crazy. Believe me, I know it is real and would have walked out the door if I had felt he was condescending in anyway.

    In a nutshell, that was 15 years ago and I still use his advice every day.

    God Bless,
    Barbara
  12. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    One of my biggest fears b/f I went to my rheumy was that he would see I had a history of depression & tell me I was "just depressed". I knew I was not suffering from depression, but was afraid he wouldn't believe me. I found out, that like your dr., he does treat fms patients & was very matter-of-fact about it. So I'm happy for you that your dr is willing to work with you (which is a sign of a great dr...he's not just going to say do this, take this).

    That said, I do believe that I would have fallen back into a clinical depression if I had not had the counseling from years ago. It has helped me tremendously to keep a positive attitude (for the most part, of course I have rougher days than others). What would be important is to either ask dr if he knows someone who treats fms patients or call the office first & ask if they've counseled people w/ fms before. The counseling I got (wow how time flies...11 yrs ago) has helped me at home, work, & now with the onset of these DDs; I'm very grateful to have had that advantage.

    Also, because of my history, I will not hesitate to go back on anti-depressants to treat me if I find myself falling back into the "dark hole". There have been times thruout the yrs that no matter what I did, I could not fight it on my own.

    Best wishes to you, and keep us posted on how you're doing. Michele
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Even without a history of depression, a person who has been handed a diagnosis for which there is no cure and which can be debilitating can use some grief counseling. You mentioned loss. We grieve for what we have lost, i.e., our lives, just as we grieve when we lose someone we love. We go through the same stages of denial, bargaining, anger, and acceptance, not necessarily in that order.

    I though I had come to the acceptance stage until a hacker destroyed my computer on my Birthday and my Mother died three days later. I am back in therapy because the losses have just piled up, one on top of the other. We are all still recovering from 9-11 as well. We have lost our innocense and sense of security in civilized society. There are people in droves suffering Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from that alone.

    I say, get all the help you can and find another neurologist. Unfortunately, I have heard that neurologists are the least likely to believe in our illnesses despite the fact that scans and fMRI's usually show lesions on our brains. Rheumies usually believe in our illnesses and treat them, but our illnesses are not rheumatological; they are neurological. Go figure!

    Love, Mikie