I had posted here many months ago when I had tried "free" talk therapy provided by my job. This therapy really didnt go very well. I felt this therapist just did not understand the various problems with FM, and he just didn't "get it". However, he did give me the name of two therapists that I can choose from if I wished to continue therapy. One of my biggest issues is, I honestly don't think there is any hope anymore for me. I am afraid a therapist will suggest antidepressants, which is a no no for me. These drugs are one of the reasons for my worse FM and extreme weight gain, not to mention so many other disturbing side effects and withdrawal, I wouldn't tough them again with a 20 foot pole. So that option is definately out of the question. On top of the FM, which is enough, I'm just not happy because I don't have anything to be happy about. I'm 45, not married, no children, I live with my elderly mom, barely can make it through my work day (I work full time), do not have that many friends left, ever since my father passed away 3 years ago, I'm not close with my only sister or my nephew, and I'm still about 70 pounds overweight from the antidepressants once given to me. I managed to lose about 30 pounds since the drugs, which has been painful and long, almost 10 years just to lose that much, even though I try very hard. My weight was good before the drugs. I try to put on a happy face at work, I have to, I work in a hospital in a department where people are in and out, I answer phones, and I have to fake being good at customer service, I am exhausted and I'm not sure that I can even bring up any of these topics with a therapist again. The few occasional friends I do have, I'm jealous of, they have everything, health, husbands, children, their own home ( I don't have my "own" home), good jobs where they travel sometimes, none of them are overweight or have a chronic illness like I do, oh, and did I mention they also have beautiful homes........ I have never even had anyone say "I love you" to me, at least not in the romantic way. Wow, I think any therapist would probably quit their job once I sat on their sofa, probably couldn't handle me. I just feel there is nothing left, getting older, but not better in any way. Not sure what to do. I worry constantly about my mother as well, so much of her care is in my hands, and I feel I am not capable anymore. Sorry so long, Hugs, Chelz.