Thinking of trying talk therapy....again

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Mar 12, 2011.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    I had posted here many months ago when I had tried "free" talk therapy provided by my job. This therapy really didnt go very well. I felt this therapist just did not understand the various problems with FM, and he just didn't "get it". However, he did give me the name of two therapists that I can choose from if I wished to continue therapy.

    One of my biggest issues is, I honestly don't think there is any hope anymore for me. I am afraid a therapist will suggest antidepressants, which is a no no for me. These drugs are one of the reasons for my worse FM and extreme weight gain, not to mention so many other disturbing side effects and withdrawal, I wouldn't tough them again with a 20 foot pole. So that option is definately out of the question.

    On top of the FM, which is enough, I'm just not happy because I don't have anything to be happy about. I'm 45, not married, no children, I live with my elderly mom, barely can make it through my work day (I work full time), do not have that many friends left, ever since my father passed away 3 years ago, I'm not close with my only sister or my nephew, and I'm still about 70 pounds overweight from the antidepressants once given to me. I managed to lose about 30 pounds since the drugs, which has been painful and long, almost 10 years just to lose that much, even though I try very hard. My weight was good before the drugs.

    I try to put on a happy face at work, I have to, I work in a hospital in a department where people are in and out, I answer phones, and I have to fake being good at customer service, I am exhausted and I'm not sure that I can even bring up any of these topics with a therapist again.

    The few occasional friends I do have, I'm jealous of, they have everything, health, husbands, children, their own home ( I don't have my "own" home), good jobs where they travel sometimes, none of them are overweight or have a chronic illness like I do, oh, and did I mention they also have beautiful homes........

    I have never even had anyone say "I love you" to me, at least not in the romantic way. Wow, I think any therapist would probably quit their job once I sat on their sofa, probably couldn't handle me. I just feel there is nothing left, getting older, but not better in any way. Not sure what to do. I worry constantly about my mother as well, so much of her care is in my hands, and I feel I am not capable anymore. Sorry so long, Hugs, Chelz.
  2. quanked

    quanked Member

    It sounds like you are having a very hard time. Just so that you know I understand where you are coming from. I too suffer with FM and CFIDS. The FM, for me is not what keeps me down it is the CIFDS. So I know the costs (not monetary) and losses that come with these dd's.

    When I read your post it took me back some years. Pre-CIFDS I worked as a mental health clinician. I remember when some clients feared that their problems were so terrible or so overwhelming that they did not want to tell me why they were sitting in front of me. I have also been on the other side--I have been the client (many years before I became a therapist) that believed what I had to tell was more than a therapist could withstand.

    I would never say never--meaning that it might be possible to meet with a young, untried therapist that would indeed be overwhelmed--but not very likely. By the time someone is actually seeing clients in a non-student setting a therapist has already heard a lot.

    Clearly based on what your post says it sounds like you and your first therapist were not a "good fit". It happens. I stopped seeing a couple of therapists myself because I felt it just was not working for me.

    It sounds like you feel unheard, like you are not understood and empathy is lacking in your life for what you live with everyday.

    A thought came to mind--I wanted to tell you that I am much older than you and I have heard the words "I love you" from a number of people in a romantic way over my lifetime. I learned that what love means to one does not necessarily mean to another and love can be fleeting and love does not fix the world. But as I thought of this I realized that you have not had your own learning experience about what "I love you" means to you and have not got to my age and come to your own understanding of what you thought it meant as young person and what you think it means as an older person after having heard it.

    If this never happens to you then it is one more loss. If you can find a therapist that you fit well with you will be able to deal with this potential loss and your loss up until now. Talking does help if someone is actually listening.

    I never give up hope (only in my darkest moments and somehow giving up hope during this time helps me to find my way back). You do not talk about what you mean about hope for yourself or lack thereof.

    Nobody here can tell you that your life is hopeless or that you have a lot to be hopeful about. In the end it is you who must make those kinds of calls about your own life. I just know that I have been where you are (not in detail but in feeling hopeless and helpless) and worse and I came out on the other side. I did this with the help of a therapist.

    To be heard, to be understand is very powerful.

    There were times when I felt sorry for myself--I thought that family and friends should have been able to hear me, be interested in what I felt--they should have understood me. BUT I HAD to pay to be heard and understood--what kind of person was I that I could not get my needs met with friends and family? The day came when I was just grateful that I had had the means to find this for myself and stuck with it. It turned out to be worth much more than money.

    Talk therapy, with the right fit, can give you so many gifts--gifts that keep on giving. It is not easy, and it can get pretty uncomfortable at times (for so many reasons) but if you are willing to put in the time and effort and stick it out you will never regret the price.

    Hugs to you too and good luck.

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    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2011]
  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Chelz - if you have a choice of therapist, I strongly urge you to find one trained in emdr. See for more info, or just google emdr. It's an extremely effective form of therapy which can help resolve all sorts of issues much more quickly than traditional talk therapy alone. You can find a list of practitioners at - there are thousands of trained therapists in the U.S. who use this technique.

    You are the only one with the power to change your life if you're unhappy with the way it is. EMDR can help connect you to the power within you to do so. I wish all therapists were trained in emdr. I saw traditional talk therapists off and on for over 20 years for childhood abuse issues. They kept me afloat but I wasn't really living. And then in my mid-40's I discovered emdr and that's when I really begain to live. I developed an interest in photography, began to connect more with people, and so on. I really really wish emdr had been available when I was 20.

    Good luck to you -

  4. slowdreamer

    slowdreamer New Member

    I have done my share of bagging the profession here but it is time to change my story..

    Keep looking...I went to a psych. last week and it gave me more peace than I have had in a long time. I had very bad experiences with counsellors who kept treating this very disabling condition as invisible so they just compounded the problem and I felt hurt and angry.

    We are able to ring first and have a brief conversation.. The therapist used the phrase "window of opportunity" which made me think she might know something... She also said come along and see if we are a good fit...

    10 mins in I said..Do you have this or did you have this ME thing yourself??? Answer was YES Yeah!!!

    The conversation we had was like being on a different planet...C.f other useless and harmful ones...

    keep searching.....My problems are huge circumstantially but I feel I can move towards more happiness with her support.

    In Australia it is rare to find a therapist who is of any help unless they have had very direct experience with ME/CFS and Fibro.
    I so relate to what you said in your post...You are not alone...Thinking of you
    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2011]