This darn fibro, arthritis , ect is so frusterating for me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Tonight my youngest daughter and her hubby came for the weekend as SIL has drill. It is so much fun to get to spend time with my grandabies. Braxton is not quite 2 and Kari is just 1 month old.

    The kids went up town and left grandma {me } with the babies. My daugther is nursing the baby and she was hungry. But she was ok as long as I was patting her back and rocking with her.
    I was holding her with my left hand when it suddenly went numb and I had this sharp stabbing shock go thru that arm and I almost dropped the baby on the couch.

    I finally went and washed out her bottle and put some water in it and she gave me a look that was "Grandma this is not the same stuff that mom puts in it" and she spit it out as fast as she was drinking it .

    But this is so upsetting to me that I can't walk very far with the baby and carry her even tho she is still about 8 lbs.

    Even that small weight makes my whole body ache. I was playing with my grandson and he wanted to hold the baby ,I could not hold her tightly so that he would not drop her.
    I don't have any grip strenth in my hands and what I do is weak. I can't catch the one who is running around the room and still keep a good grip on the newbaby.

    I now ache so badly , my pain meds have not helped at all. My back it throbbing my legs are aching and cramping and I want to just cry.

    I am 50 and I feel like I am 90 and it is upsetting to me that I can't be the kind of grandma that I want to be. I want to be a hands on grandma and for a few moments it is ok but much longer than that I can't do much. I can't stand in one place for more than a minute , I struggle with standing up and then walking after I have been sitting down.

    It is upsetting to me that I am unable to do the things I really want to do. I want to be able to stand and rock the baby as my body rocks back and forth but my body can't do that because it hurts to much.

    I love playing with the babies and watching them grow up .But as soon as they get bigger than about 15 lbs I can't stand up and hold them at it is too painful for my left wrist and I am so worried that I am going to drop her.

    Why did I have to be this way. The only good thing is my youngest daugther understands that when I walk it causes me pain. She sees that and still lets me walk with her newborn.

    MY other daughters don't get that fact. MOm you walk funny I really want to yell at them and say "so would you if you had end-stage osteoarthritis in both your knees and also had things that are floating in your knee joint" I read to them the dx from the x-rays saying that I have end-stage osteoarthritis in both knees and that there is something that is floating or sitting in my joints.

    My daughters said so what is that ? I tried to explain that any thing that starts with END-STAGE is NOT A GOOD THING TO HAVE. But they don't get it. I haev written proof that there is something REAL that is really wrong with my knees .
    Proof that should tell them that I am not faking my pain or that I am being lazy when I don't want to work out. IT is really painful to just walk and it is even worse when I don't get up and move around.I jsut want them to understnad that I am really telling them the truth about the reason I have for my pain. But they don't care.

    I hate it when they are here telling me that I can't do this with the baby or that with her when I do it when they are not here. AS long as they don't see me carry her around now the more they think I am making it up as they think my youngest would not let me carry the new baby around. I don't carry her very much or for very long but I can go in a get her a bottle of milk or water.
    I am not faking this never ending pain and I am so sick of it that I want to scream.

    I want to just lay down on the couch and cuddle my grandson to sleep but he wants to keep on movinb around and I cna't keep up with him because of the pain and discomfort that I have. I am so limited in what I can do it is depressing for me.

    I just want to be a fun , good grandma who 's grandbabie know that I love them and want to be a part of their lives.

    I want to chase after my grandson as he is running down the street or push him on the motor ized Harley Davidson motercycle that I got for nothing as the battery does not wrk and the switchs don't work. So my hubby was pushing him from behind and running behind him as fast as he could run and still stear the toy.

    I will never be able to do that, I will not be able to teach him to ride a bike , running behind him holding on to him til he trusts that I am still there when I get go.
    I will not be able to walk down the street when Kari is older and is pushing her babies in a doll stroller adn is going afast down the street.

    Why because I can't run like that or even walk normally. I hate the syndromes and condtitions that are stopping me from being the best grandma I can be. I just want to be NORMAL. That is all.

    My daguther just got the babies settled down for the night. Kari will wake up in a few hours to nurse and Braxton will wake up as he is sleeping in the bed with mommy and daddy as we don't have a extra bed for him.

    I am so tired and in so much pain that I just want to throw a hissy fit and kick , scream , yell , and do what ever it takes to make me normal once more. But is will never happen for me. This is so painfull almost wose then that pain I am feeling now. Yes I have over done it but what else could I do? MY daugther adn SIL went uptown for a hour or so and the baby was crying adn fussing becaues she was hungery and there was not any thing comming out of the binky she was sucking on. My grandosn was running around playing happily with his train but I am not able to sit down on the floor with him and play with him. THis really hurts me as much as my pain is hurting me now.

    How is it that emotional pain can hurt so much and phycial pain is so bad that I want to scream. I am so tired and hurting so badly that I cna' write any more. My left wrist is hurting me adn sending shooting pain at me.

    I am just going to crash and go to sleep hopefully I will wake up early enough to play with the babies before my daghter goes to my moms and then goes off with her sisters and shops. I want to be there to have some good bonding time with my grandbabies.
    I will stop whining now,
  2. towser

    towser New Member

    hi rosemarie i have just read your post and i do know how you feel.I have no grandchildren but would really like to think that soneday i will and would love to play with them and take them for walks and things but i know that i wont be able to and things have gotten a lot worse with me.I read somewhere that fibromyalgia dosent get any worse but i can say that it does as i cant do things that i used to and dont get out as often as i would like and even when i do,it means that i dont get anything done in the house.Sometimes as you say,you can get really low when you are so tired and cant do what you want but i try now to get out when i am able.Have you found that some of your friends stop calling now as you are not just to get up and go.Glad i found this site as i dont feel as alone and as you say it is definetely not all in your head.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/10/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/10/2007]
  3. survivor13

    survivor13 New Member

    you are having a really bad time at the moment and you realise it aint going to get much better and no one can blame you for feeling the way you do because it is real and very frustrating.
    I have two kids one is 18 and one is 3 nearly 4. i have found that you have to re assess your play,i cant do the physical things with my kids,never could but compensate with creative stuff,we do a lt of painting,drawing,making things from trash,jigsaws,stories,anything really that is a 'sit down' activity but also good fun for the kids. I think you need to stop blaming yourself for the things you cannot do and think of all the things you can enjoy with your grandchilderen, they will grow up knowing that time spent with grandma is a fun and creative time and will love to share these times with you. It is so hard,i know, but please try to concentrate on the positive and try to enjoy doing things with the kids that are within your capabilities or your 'comfort zone'.
    I hope this helps in a small way , i asked my eldest daughter if she felt that she had missed out on things growing up because of my limitations and she said no way because we did so much fun stuff and i gave her the most precious

    hope you feel better soon....xx
  4. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    I am glad you get to spend time with your grandbabies..and as you know we have ignore a certain amount of "critcism" we get from our families...
    Have you talked with your doctor..are there other meds available for you to try to alleviate your symptoms so that you can participate more? Can your daughter do things like had you the baby while you are sitting ...and prop pillows for you to make it easier to hold her for a longer time? You may not be able to chase your grandson down the street..I can't do that with mine either..BUT he and I do a lot of things together...from reading a being in the pool ...I have made it a point of finding things that I CAN do..and sharing those with him. Including every sunday morning I call him on the phone..sometimes ( he is 9) he isn't in the mood to talk..but most days he does..We have been calling him for years on Sundays...and it is part of what we do! We also talk online via web cam...he is now learning to type some...we used to just IM and type gobbly gook back and forth with the microphones he is starting to type we IM a bit...and often we just sit and talk to each other via camera.

    My point is..think outside the box may not be able to do what you dream of doing..but that doesn't mean you can't be part of those grandbabies lives very fully. You just have to adjust your dream a bit!

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