this is a different kind of question....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by homesheba, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i dont get out anymore like i used to
    and am on the computer more trying to have fellowship here in cyber space...,
    and well
    is it me
    or is it just plain hard to not antagonise someone on a board?
    i have been on a board about 2 years now
    and poof!
    some one today out of the blue jumped down my throat cause of a point i made about something,
    and i am still hurt over it so bad that i can feel a flair coming on...
    am i the only one this has happed to?
    that EVEN in cyberspace
    a person can be hurt so bad by someone
    and you have never even layed eyes on the person?
    it seems like anything anymore
    just hurts more than it ever did..
    . phyically and menatlly...
  2. onedaymagpie

    onedaymagpie New Member

    Hi Sheba -
    I am so sorry to hear that this happened. I think some of the challenges in cyber space are that the written word is so different than verbal communication, like that statistic that says 90 percent (if I recall right it is somewhere around that) of communication face to face is nonverbal.
    So, with the written word, the communication takes on a different tone. Also, who knows what kind of crummy person is writing back with something hurtful. Or they may just be having a really bad day or hard time and are lashing out at you - which is no absolutely no excuse.
    But, I guess my point is - try not to take it personally (I know, often easier said than done). I hope that experience was not on this board. We all know the challenges we face and need to be here to support each other.
    Hang in there and ignore anyone acting like that!
    Hugs, Mags
  3. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I am so sorry you feel your feelings have been hurt by any of us here.

    I hope it is just a misunderstanding or misreading. Most of us do not want to ever hurt anyone with our words.

    Please do try not to take anything said here personally, unless it is love and support and understanding...then just gobble it up, ok?

    Not everyone here is in the same degree of illness. Some question what others need to do in order to control their symptoms because they have not experienced the same thing.

    Sometimes we are extra sensitive because we feel so alone, isolated, and in both mental and physical pain. It is at just these times that we have to take someone else's comments to heart or throw them away. It's up to you, dear person.

    Hang in there, stay with us, and you will understand it better, I promise.

  4. ABLUV

    ABLUV New Member

    every relationship hits a pothole now and then. When that
    happens, it hurts. But the good news is, the hurt will heal. It could have been a simple misunderstanding. Sometimes our level of sensitivity is high and at times we are more easily offended than at other times. This may have been the case.

    Whenever, I get hurt, I pray to God and tell him all about it and wait for peace and healing to come. It will come, if you ask...

  5. fairydust39

    fairydust39 New Member

    I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt! Some people are just argumentative,looking for someone to abuse. Boards are for everyone to enjoy and I don't know why it can't be that way for all of us. I think most people here has been abused sometime or the other. Just know that you are LOVED and some of us care about you!!!I will remember you in my prayers. Take care and God Bless
    Hugs Shirley
    PS There are some really great people here that loves and understands that we all need a good word and a hug too.[This Message was Edited on 10/29/2006]
  6. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i am ok. thanks you all for your prayers! wow they worked fast!! ha ha!!

    you must have a straight line to heaven!!:)
    but anyway,
    yep i think it was a misunderstanding and we are all in
    pain so i guess i am super sensitive right now..
    i think at times i have a tendency to
    ' feel' too much.
    thanks you guys.
  7. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Hi. I think it was their view on the topic, and not you personally.

    I'm assuming this is about the pain medication topic.

    I only recently returned here after a very, very, very long absence. I've noticed that the tone on the board (in a few posts) has become a bit argumentative during my absence.

    We all need to respect other member's view points and be kind in spirit. I think it is important to realize that there is more than one "right" answer to a problem. So much depends upon circumstances, and we haven't walked in the other person's shoes. Also, what works for one person, may not work for the next person. We have all experienced this with medications.

    It is easy to say "just ignore" the hurtful response. I think you will find more peace if you decide to forgive the person for their response. I would decide to assume that they were having a particularly bad day and hope that tomorrow is better.

    Also, please remember that you can't hear the inflection in the other person's comments. You are just reading the written word. This makes it easier to misunderstand the other person's intent or conviction.

    Instead of dwelling on the negative, consider counting your blessings. There are a whole bunch of people here on the boards that are giving you a cyber hug.
  8. huska

    huska New Member



  9. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    so much!!!
    its like no one that doesnt have 24/7 pain can believe that it really exsists
    without that person being in the hospital.
    i think many-
    including doctors-
    dont know the difference between chronic and acute pain...
  10. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    Hi Homesheba,

    Yes words can hurt bad sometimes. But maybe it just sounded like criticism.

    Not seeing the person and not knowing them makes it hard to know what they mean when they say it.

    Know what I mean, And if it was meant to hurt,I am sorry.

    sending cyberhugzzz,
  11. johnston

    johnston New Member

    good replys! I will add that some communicate better than others. My husband often says things that I find somewhat or even rather hurtful, and he doesn't have a clue.
    I ditto that most are on here to help and be helped and mean no real harm in anything they write here. (although there could be some who are in extreme emotional pain and just lashing out like the husband coming home from a bad day and kicking the poor dog who just wants to greet him)
    I ditto that alot of our communication is misssing on this medium: eye contact, smiles, surprise, enthusiasm, arm and hand movements, a comforting touch of a hand and on and on that can change your interpretation of the written word.
    I ditto that we are all tired and in pain. It is hard to not be sensitive and "take things to heart" during those times, but what choice do we have? We tend to internalize (turn things upon ourselves) that should just be left external. But how many good days do we have? I have no normal days anymore--only better and worse and BAD.
    I ditto that this is my new majority socialization experience as I am just too tired to get dressed alot of days. And right now, I can't drive d/t a hard neck collar.
    I also add that you might check my response to peacebaby and her struggle with fatigue, as I addressed a similar posting (my second on that message board) and don't want to repeat myself now. It was about the code words sponge and raincoat.
    I also ditto/add that it seems that fm/cf affects people with a certain personality--perhaps it's because there are a lot of women sufferers. We tend to be nurturers and thin-skinned. I was once told I needed to develop a thick skin. I have learned to understand the importance of that advice.
    Also if you go to peacebaby, notice how many people apologized to her; as if they were afraid they were the one who upset her. I think we all carry a considerable amt of guilt for some reason. We are often defensive. It makes me wonder about the theory of child abuse:
    I once told my doctor that I thought there may be some truth to that because I find if very, very hard to relax. I theorized that was because children of abuse never knew/know what to expect and were/are therefore always on guard.
    Also, I heard once that we should read again our communications in emails and see how they sound to us if we were receiving it. I admit I don't do that like I should. I usually just try to proofread for words left out or obviously misspelled and often don't even take type to correct some typos. Takes all I can muster to reply to as much as I am. Take care. Rhonda
  12. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    but thank you foryour answers.:)
    what a great group!!
    why in the world
    is all my friends seem
    to be in cyber space???
    do you think we would all
    be as nice to eachother
    face to face?
    i think so...
    i think we are 'kindred spirits."":)