This is hitting home now, about to give up a dream

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cristine04, Mar 30, 2003.

  1. cristine04

    cristine04 New Member

    I just started writing on this board yesterday and I've got so many questions I could be on here all day and night. I'm at the most intense point of desperation to get better than I have been at any other angry/sad/confused time in the last 8 months. I am 22 years old and have been accepted at Stanford for grad. school and I am now fearing that I will not be able to participate in the program. My family keeps setting time limits, like "in 3 months you can get better so you can start school" so on and so forth. This morning I sort of put it on the line and told them that a 3 month deadline is not going to work. I, like so many of you have been to doctor after doctor. They don't think I have chronic fatigue or Fibro. Right now I am on doxy in case it turns out to be lyme. I have fungus all over my toes and now wonder if this is candida related. I had a bad reaction to the flu shot, I wonder about that too. I was doing much better in Feb.2003 and then all of the sudden on March 1, I had a setback-since then I've been been very tired and can't do my 30 min. walks. I have quit my job, and moved back in home. I know some of you understand. At this point I am about to give up a dream and its been so hard. I am tired of being told, "you must have a post infection virus which will go away in time." I had to breakup with a wonderful boyfriend over this, and have avoided talking to friends b/c they just don't understand the magnitude of feeling exhuasted around the clock. If anyone has suggestions please give them-whether they are about keeping a good attitude or regarding my symptoms. thanks so much.
  2. teawah

    teawah New Member

    Just wanted to say that I am sorry for the pain of your potential loss. I read your post and felt alot of pain for you as being accepted to Stanford is a really big deal and I can't imagine NOT being able to go after spending SO much time making it happen. You should be commended for doing so much in your short lifetime as it is.

    I can only say that there are those of us who do go to college and have careers so don't give up hope. I really wish that in some way I could take away some of your pain so you could go.

    Hang in there and NEVER let anyone belittle your pain. It is real.

    Love, teawah
  3. lou2

    lou2 New Member

    hey,
    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am also 22, from the u.k and i have fms/cfs and i understand how particularly difficult this is being so young.I can relate to everytig you are feeling there... I am in the middle of a fine art degree and had to defer for a year bcasue i was unable to go back last october. Is there a way you could defer your entry to post grad?
    I think the thing that is so hard, like you said, is about giving up a dream. The piece of advice i can give is that health is really the most important thing. I found that a difficult decision. I also moved back home to my parents and made the desicion to defer school and concentrate on getting healthy. It is so important, because if it is something like this, then pushing on through when you really need to be resting only makes things worse and sets you back even further. I know at the moment i am considering whether i will even be able to go back this october.Your health has to be number 1 !

    The presence of fungus on your feet could definitely be candida related being that it is all about the bacteria. Do you have other cfs or fms symtoms? I know also some people can react badly to flu injections particularly if your body is low. Also don't give up on finding a good doctor. i am lucky in that department but many people on this board have had real problems, but i think the best advice is to keep on trying because you WILL find someone who understands and can put you right. Also do your best to read up on EVERYTHING you can find, start investigating into supplements and diet, these are the things that have made me nearly better. And its even more difficult with friends but real friends will stick by you.Its a good idea to find some information about your illness and give it to friends to try and get them to understand..ive lost some, but gained others.
    Above all , try and believe you will recover, its difficult and i find that hard o do myself. My docotr tells me that the reson i have made good progress, (even thought its been a year) is because i am so young.

    This is turning into a bit of an essay, but just to let you know that there are a great bunch of people on here with great advice. My email is on my profile if you want to write and chat about anything else , feel free,
    take care, love, lou
  4. rebeccavw

    rebeccavw New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I had just started a wonderful new career when I got so ill I had to give it up and come back home and live with my parents. I tried going back when I started to feel better. Had major relapse as it was too soon and have not been bale to go back. BUT I have now started to work again part time.

    I did exactly like your parents were saying and gave myself a deadline - I,ll be better in 6 months anmd back at work full time. WRONG. This illness (I have CFS) does not respond to deadlines and in fact the worse thing you can do is put yourself under pressure and stress makes it 100 times worse. So you were soooo right to tell your parents that they couldn't do this. I know its hard because poeple don't understand and I was paranoid others would think I was a hypocondriac !

    The first thing I would do is see if you can defer your place to next year. If you explain you have illness they should be understanding. Or is there anyway you can do it part time ? I put my career first for 3 years during which time my health was deterirating when I look back I really regret that because I pushed myself so hard when I was ill it just made me so ill I,ve not been able to work for year and half. PUT YOUR HEALTH FIRST. You are only young, 1 year delaying your course will not affect anything apart from letting you rest and concentrate on getting healthy. You don't have to give it up just delay it a bit.

    There is an excellent book called Beat Candida through diet by Gill Jacobs. because you have fungus you may have candida and this book tells you all about causes symptoms treatments. HAve yo had Great Smokies test for candida ?

    Stay positive. I,ve gone through the whole cycle of denial, anger, depression to sort of acceptance. If you want any more advice on what I,ve been trying just ask.

    love Rebecca
  5. tfrogger

    tfrogger New Member

    christine....keep your head up and remember that you are you...no one else can be you...no one else is going to live your life but you...do what YOU need to do to be happy...if you need to put off school, then so be it. you are obviously bright and gifted in order to even be accepted to stanford, so if it doesn't happen now, it will happen later. i am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and that we aren't dealt more than we can handle. so, if you can't attend stanford now, then that means there is something better waiting for you. i am 27, and have probably had this for 13 years...i get really pissed off and negative at times, but all in all, i look at people and think that "you are you and i am me....together we are we...if we were the same and i were you and you were me, what a boring world this would be..."
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
  6. cristine04

    cristine04 New Member

    Thank you so much for the support. Yes it looks like I will have to defer school, unless the doxycycline works a miracle and destroys whatever it is that ails me. It's hard for me b/c I am still in the limbo stage-no diagnosis and doctors saying "no, not CFIDS or FM." I just want to know what's going on. I plan on seeing an immunolgist in the very near future as well as a dermatologist to find out what is going on with my fungus toe nails. In the last 8 months I have seen: internist, neurologist, cardiologist, endocrinolgist, rheumatologist, infectious disease specialist, acupuncturist. I am relatively new to all of this run around with the MD's. I also though I'd mention how many times people say "oh you look great! Lovely comlexion, look in shape..." This includes doctors who say, "you are so young. We'll have you healthy in no time, I think it is just small and unexplained virus which will go away" Sometimes I want to scream at them "And what if this was your child? Your parent? Or you?? Would you want to hear that??"
  7. tfrogger

    tfrogger New Member

    I, too, have been told I was too young to have fibromyalgia and lupus. I have had these symptoms since 13 or 14 years of age, and they only get worse as I get older. When I was still in school, the diagnosis was always either burcitis or growing pains. My parents thought I wanted attention and that if I hurt that bad then I wouldn't be able to play sports the way I did. Little did they know I was taking as strong an aspirin I could before every game and practice. I went into the Air Force after graduation, and I had horrible migraines. I would pass out from them. They dismissed it as low heat tolerance. Over the past couple years I have seen several doctors also...gastro-intestinal, 3 different gyno's (none of them can figure out why i cramp all month) an internist, a neurologist, and a cardiologist...not too mention several regular physicians... The worst one was when I found out I had Raynaud's, I had gone to the ER due to my hands being purple and so numb I had to use my wrists to drive...they said that with all my other symptoms I should be looked at as possibly having lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. So, I went to a doctor and the extent of the visit was him feeling my knee and telling me that I don't have lupus because I was too young and my joints weren't swollen. He also told me he refused to prescribe any anti-depressant for me because I didn't look depressed to him. I tried to talk to him about my migraines and he said I needed to schedule another appointment for that. I gave up for over a year....no more doctors, no more research, no more saying when I was hurting...then, it got so bad that I broke down and found a doctor close by and I haven't looked back. He is wonderful!!! He said I definately have fibromyalgia and he is darn near positive I have lupus and/or rheumatoid arthritis. He said he won't stop until he helps me feel better. So, don't give up on all doctors...there are a few good ones...I was just lucky to find one this soon. It breaks my heart to hear of these women who have had to live with these symptoms for 20 or 30 years before someone helped them.
  8. LeLeHpr

    LeLeHpr New Member

    Whay can't you go part time, or take one class at a time...??? I have FM and refuse to give up on my dreams of being an NFL cheerleader...Everyday is a new day and an opportunity to make dreams a reality...This life is short, make the most out of the opportunity before you..Pray and keep faith and GOD WILL SEE YOU THROUGH THIS!

    Be blessed,

    LeLe
  9. Spoonerpaws

    Spoonerpaws New Member

    BELIEVE ME, when I say I know how you feel. I too have giving up dreams, but I try not to think of it that way.

    We don't know what tomorrow holds, so we can't predict what will happen. Things could turn around for you and you could pursue your dreams.

    I know about the constant exhaustion and friends and family just not understanding - they always say, "well I'm tired too!" and I just want to scream and say "NOT SO EXHAUSTED THAT YOU CAN"T GET OUT OF BED!"

    Take care and don't give up your dreams. Work on getting better and searching for answers.

    Keep your chin up!

  10. Spoonerpaws

    Spoonerpaws New Member

    BELIEVE ME, when I say I know how you feel. I too have giving up dreams, but I try not to think of it that way.

    We don't know what tomorrow holds, so we can't predict what will happen. Things could turn around for you and you could pursue your dreams.

    I know about the constant exhaustion and friends and family just not understanding - they always say, "well I'm tired too!" and I just want to scream and say "NOT SO EXHAUSTED THAT YOU CAN"T GET OUT OF BED!"

    Take care and don't give up your dreams. Work on getting better and searching for answers.

    Keep your chin up!