This is how I am

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by annee, Feb 11, 2002.

  1. annee

    annee New Member

    "Extract from a note to GB"

    I am really not quite sure about how I am feeling today and this is not because you are suffering from some bloody dd that you did not ask for.
    The same bloody dd that effects those of us who don't have bloody dd's.
    We together in our relationship are suffering from this bloody dd that we did not invite into our intimate circle.
    The one and the same bloody dd which is currently stuffing up our dreams for our future together.
    Same bloody dd which forces us to live day at a time.
    You suffering .
    Me watching you suffer (helpless and sometimes feeling sorry for myself - my bloody self - what about you - I ask, when I ask.)
    You give me the same bloody answer 'cos this bloody dd won't let up.
    Today I am feeling a little uptight.....not so as you hadn't already noticed.
    Tears constantly fill my eyes.
    I am feeling sorry for................
    Our frustrations.
    Our needs not always being met.
    Our loss of vitality in our intimacy.
    Our diminishing intimacy.
    Our inability to always fully understand each other even though we are trying so hard to understand what and how the other feels.
    I wish.
    But that is not reality.
    We face each day.
    Some days we are together - a united front, ready to deal with anything coming our way - our togetherness helps us cope.
    Other days, we are not quite side by side.
    Please forgive me for not always being beside you.
    I am trying really hard.
    I know this is hard on both of us.
    Please know I am suffering (for both of us) on the inside - where I keep my inner feelings from you.

  2. mom

    mom New Member

    You have every reason to feel uptight once in a while. That was really well written and I am sure GB understands even if he doesn't show it.
    These dd's are always with us even on good days we know they are there just waiting to pounce. How can we go out and have fun on these days when we have so much important stuff to do while the wolf is at bay.
    I am so grateful that Don sticks to me like you do with GB.
    The other day he said after 26 years almost 27 he can still go to work and say he is happily married strange as that seems. I asked him why strange and he said "because you are sick, and have been for so long." Most of the guys at work would have left their wives if they were ill and uncurable but Don and I like you have been able to build a life of love around the dd. Not always easy usually frustrating but if you keep a sense of humour that seems to help a lot.
    Take care and know you are not alone out there.
  3. DogBoy

    DogBoy New Member

    Thanks Ann,

    Another one of the things that sucks about loving someone with these dd's is feeling like there's nobody out there who really has a clue what it's like. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not the only one in this position. Literally every thought and feeling and feeling you so eloquently expressed here are things I've felt. Thanks again.