My mother picked a fight with me today. And she said some really cruel things to me. One of them being the whole, "I push myself with my arthritis, so why can't you just push yourself out the door." And it's like, after her watching me with this disease for fifteen years now, there is still no understanding that I cannot push it. There is nothing to push. And when I tried to explain that for the millionth time, she said, "If you say so." Like, I'm just making up the fact that I'm too sick to do much of anything. And this just had me in tears all night because it's like, OMG, after fifteen years of seeing me not be able to do much, you still don't believe that I can't? It's like she just doesn't know me at all. My own mother does not know me as a person. Before I got sick, I was the straight A student, the exercise addict, the workaholic. The one anyone could count on to be there and do her job even if she had to stay up all night getting it done. I was never the lazy type. And I didn't suddenly decide to become a couch potato. And I didn't choose to have NMH/POTS so severe that most days I'm too lightheaded to walk around the place. When I tell her I have the lightheaded thing, she just changes the subject on me. I also have Hashimotos which is currently not being treated because the thyroid med made me so sick that I refuse to ever take any again. I tried a natural therapy that has helped with it. But I just cannot believe that after all this time, someone who lives with me cannot see that I am not making this disease up. Just because I might be able to muster up the energy to make myself dinner doesn't make me fine. And when I have to wash the dinner pan and dishes from cooking, I often feel to lightheaded that I feel like I'm going to black out and I have to pray that I can finish doing that and then go lie down. It took me two days to get the energy just to do my laundry. And part of the things she said to me were that I should be the one grocery shopping and doing errands and taking out the garbage and the car and whatever. And it's like, excuse me, but don't you think that if I were healthy I would be doing those things and not saying anything about it? I just felt emotionally abused today. And I don't think anyone with this disease deserves to be treated like that. Like if I had cancer or something else with a menacing name, I'm sure I wouldn't be treated like I'm making the disease up!