This pain is unbearable

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I don't know if this just happenes to me but tonight I have severe pain in my butt. It shoots down my right leg and throbs some thing terriable. I have pain in my right arm. I broke my arm many years ago. I am not saying how this happened as it was so stupid.

    But tonight I have a upper respitory infection, no car to go to the doctor to check it out and see if I need antibiotics, I tend to get sick fast and get peumonia easily.
    Saturday I started out with a bad head ache and all it has done is get worese. How can a head ache get worse when I have taken Mscontin and MSir, advil, and a soma. You would think that the pain would have eased some what but NO way.

    My arm aches so badly that it hurts to move it, hold it still, nothing has easesd this never ending pain and I am so upset taht my meds are not working like I had hoped they wonld.

    I know that we are getting a change in weather and that can make my bones hurt, I know from past storms that storms can make teh bones I have broken ache really badly. And believe me they do!

    I can't asy whiwch is worse teh pain from the never ending headache or the pain that is shooting down my butt cheek and into my leg. I am falling apart and want to scream and cry. I have done every thing my doctor has told me to do. But I have reached th point of no return in how I am dealing with

    On Saturday last I thought I was gettign a cold and then my thraot started to hurt, my head ached so badly and then came the body aches, I know that the pain in my butt cheeck is siaticia and it is really Painfull, my arm hurts too. If I had to rate my apin on oboth things it would be a 9+ This is after taking a 60 mg Mscontin, a 30 mg MSIR, soma 350 and last but not leasst 800 mgs of advil. YOU would think that some of this pain would have eased up to a point where I could stand it and be able to sleep. But Not tonight. I am so close to tears but I know tha tcrying would only make my head ache worse adn as bad as this is I can't cope with any more intense pain than I have now.

    Not one of my daughters know that I feel this way they are all c ought up with their own lives adn my hubby does not think that my pain is "That Bad" No body can have that bad of pain with out any reason too , I have reasons to hurt like this , it is just not some thing that he can see. I don't have any broken bones, deep cuts, been in a car wreck. But my body feels like I have been run over by a mack truck and then a steam roller, and what ever else has hit me.

    I listened to my youngest daughter to night and I understand why she is having a head ache, Her hubby has been home from AFganistain from just over a month and has PSTD bad. HE has to get out and mingle with people, which leaves his wwife of 27 yrs with three kids,Braxton is 6 Kari is 4 and Maddi is one. Jessica does not get any time to do any thing for her self, she talkes care of the kids and hubby , some times it seems like she has a 27 yr old child who has a will of his own and no accountablitiy.

    HE is free to do what he wants and to heck with his wife. I Know that he is sick and sturggleing but so is she and that upsets me as I think she should talk to his doctors adn have them set up marriage counseling to get things that bother both of them taken care of and for her Hubby to start acting like a daddy and not a child.

    I worry about her and then I stress over it even tho I can't change any thing, I can't help her out in any way. as I haev no car, no extrea room for one of the kids so stay over night with GRandma and poppa.

    Then to night my hubby tells me that he has had a job offer and if he gets it we will be moving again further away from my 84 year old mother who I have medical power of atterney, but no car, mine died a week ooor so ago. I am so sick of beign stuck at home with out a car. I need one , I have to be able to take my 84 yr old mother to the doctor or ER when she needs it. I need to get out of the hosue and find some friends so that I am not stuck in teh hosue all the time alone, not being aorund people, I just sit here and not do any thing with people ,friends, I feel so alone as no one knows me here , no one knows how I feel and the pain I Live with, I am not ready to tell any one either. I justwant to be able to go to town when I want to , I will be back before dark but I am going nuts being here alone every day all day long. Then add being sick with a sinus infection and bdoy aches and othere pains it becomes some thing that i dwell on and that is all I think about all day long.

    MY DH has two trucks but won't let me drive one of them telling me that they have problems that I can't handle to drive.But i am going stir crazy , cabin fever as I have been stick in the house since SAturday and finally went in to town yesterday to get some groceries. was only gone a hour. Today I need to pick up my scripts but dont' have a ride into town. My middle daughter has her 4 yr old neice over night and is taking her back to Jessica today around one pm. Maybe I can ride with hre to take my granddaguhter back adn then ask my daughter to take me to the pharmacy to pick up my scripts.

    I hate this losing control, not have a car of my own, of having my DH telling me that I needto pay for the car insracne and registration when he finds me a new piece of junk to drive. The problem is I get $311.10 every third wed of the moth. it has to go towards paing form my scripts which go up in cost in Jan 2012. I pay $ 36.99 now for five scripts.

    But as of Jan 1 three of the 5 scr ipts will now cost $44.00 one will be $6.00 and one is $12.99. I have filed papers to try to get some help in paying for my scripts but I dont' know wh en I will find out if I get any help. I need major dental work done, and can only get one procedure done every thhree months as I have to pay if off in 3 months time.. So it will take forever to get my teeth fixed. I still owe on my glass's, I will not have the money to help him pay for any thing othere than what is my medical bills.

    I am so sick of being sick, I Know that there are so many people that are far wrose off then me, far sicker and in more pain and have less money. But I dont' have conrtol over there situtaion,just mine. I have to pay for m y medicall bills , dental bills, glass's, scripts, doctor visits and be able to take my MOm to the doctor when I have a car. I have not moneoy to help out my DH with insurance, or other bills, I just wish that he would listen to me and understand that I have a limited amount of income I get no more and no less, It is fixed.

    I have no way of getting more money to help me with my bills. AS I ahev to include my hubbies income with mine and then we make t oo much money. WE are poor just not poor enough to get anuy help. Not that me Dh would accept any help and g ot all upset when I had him filll out some paper work so that I could maybe get my perscritpions reduced so that I can afford them.

    NOw that i have totally confused you by writing about eve ry subject under the sun.
    Still my head aches my arm aches dpwn to the bone and I haev nerve pain in my butt that shoots down muy leg and is very painfull. I wish I had some help to figure out an answer there questions I have . I jsut want some one to hel me figure out how I am ging to pay of the bills I have.
    Sorry for the LONG novel I wrote. I really needed to vent.
  2. tjblueeyes

    tjblueeyes New Member

    Are you sure your butt ache isn't your sacroiliac? I have the same pain at times. It even hurts in the front where the pelvis and hip are joined. Has your husband read any material on FM? Our pain is sometimes 10 times what normal people feel. And I have read that the fatigue is similar to what a cancer patient feels after undergoing chemo. Many people just don't understand the intensity of our pain and try to compare it to "their" pain such as arthritis, etc. I think many times we just need compassion and validity to our pain. Do you go to a pain specialist? They prescribe better pain meds. I think. Don't give up. Try reading a book by Joni Earackson Tada. She has been a quadraplegic for 40+ years and is very inspirational. Even she says she has empathy for people living with chronic pain. I know it's hard to stay positive all the time, but try your best. Know that you are not alone. I think crying is o.k. That's why God gave us tears.
  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    I hope you finally did get some relief. I totally understand your pain issues as I have alot of the same kind of pain. My husbands has a lot of pain with his knee, so for the most part he tries to understand.

    Jamin is right--maybe your thyroid needs to be checked--I know when mine is too low I definatley have more pain.

    Take care of yourself.
  4. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Every few months when I see my rehumy he has me do a round of blood work, a T4, other throyid tests, each time I have been tested my throyid is in the normal range.
    I have had my inflamoritory responce tested and it too is normal. I am so normal that it is depressing. either that or the tests are not being read right.

    I know that when I filed for my SSDI: my doctor stated that I had two disc's that were buldging L4 -L5 , L5 -S1, I have ddd, spinal stenois, MPS, end-stage osteo-arthritis in both knee's and need both knee's replaced, but can't afford to have them done and I am very leary of having any more surgery as it seems to make the fibro flare and then the surgical pain along with the firbo flaring apin get so out of control and nothing helps to ease the pain that I am in. Then doctors have kniption fits when you use more morpine than the pump says you can use in 4 hours. Keep that finger on the button all the time and you will use it up faster.

    All fo the conditioins I have all cause more pain and I have reached my limit and can't take this never ending pain much more. I can't stand living in pain, i have been trying supplements , but they too cost money and I have a very limted budget , I have bills to pay and can't afford to spend all my money on meds and supplements.

    Thanks for all your support and caring. It doese help me to feel better. Knowing that some one understands how I feel. My DH does not really understand how I deal with apin. He can be in pain all the time and will never take an advil . I have seen him work hard and limp {bad hip}, yet he keeps going like the energizer bunny, He broked his foot in our early years of marriage and worked thru the pain adn six weeks of new casts { one new one each week} He does not admit to having pain or letting it get the best of him.

    My biggest problem is I can't fall sleep and stay alseep every night, I am so sleep deprived that it makes my pain even worse. I have tried every thing from perscription drugs to over the conter melatonin and teh meds make me loopy and out of it and to me it is too scarey to take more drugs while taking my mscontin, msir, soma, xanax. I feel that I am taking enogh meds to knock a cow off it's feet.

    . But for me it barley touch's my all over intense over whilleming pain. I am so sick of a life filled with pain, fatique, confuseion, and much more. I want to be normal and there is not one drug that will help me to get Normal , act Normal, be a Normal grandmama.

    There are not any supplements that will help me to be that nanna who plays with her grand babies and is not always telling them to be gentle to nanna as she hurts easily. I just want to be that loving grandma to my grand babies, I want them to remember me playing with them ,not sitting out on the side lines on the couch.
    I love my family but my daughters don't understand what fibro is and that no two people react to it in the same way, we all have different symptoms, reactions to pain , fatique , forgetting words ect. They read about some one who has fibro and hwo is doing so great that she can go to the gym all the time and does not take any thing for her pain. I am not that grana I take pain pills just so that I can spend time with my grand babies so that i can play with them.

    thanks for your suggettions,
  5. inbetweendays

    inbetweendays New Member

    No one will get better if they do not get the restorative sleep they need. Dr. rodger murphree--always tells his fibro patients if they do not address the restorative sleep issues-they dont get better. i know how hard that is to do--i have major sleep issues--and feel like im half dead during the sucks
  6. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    The person who needs to help you figure out how you're going to pay your bills is your husband. From all of the posts that you've written it sounds like there is a huge disconnect there. Why isn't HE helping you?

    Doesn't sound like Fibro pain. Sounds like your sciatia and then your arm pain acting up from your broken arm and wrist problems. Bad headaches often are not helped with regular pain medication. Your blood vessels are constricting and pain meds don't do anything for that.

    On top of that you're sick. I always say when you're sick you shouldn't do any major life thinking. Put your brain on hold until you're feeling better.

    I believe that you need to get your other health problems taken care of. You have bulging disks etc. Many of your pain may not be Fibro related and may be able to be helped by a different kind of Dr.? Just wondering.

    I hope you start to feel better. Nothing looks good when you don't feel well.
    Your family needs to start supporting you - THAT is where some fixing needs to happen.
  7. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    About my husband, he pays all the other bills. HE is employed and his insurance is so expensive and has HIGH deductables that it is not worth him putting me on it.

    He has type 1 diebetes and uses a insulin pump, I just learned that his insurance does not cover the suppiles for his pump, which costs over $600.00 a month, also his perscriptions have a dedutable that has to be met before he has co-pays.

    My hubby does help out as much as he can yes it i rrates me that he and I don't see eye to eye on who pays for what but that is my i ssue and I have to live with it. I need to learn to not let it bug me, as I love him dealy and have done for over 31 yrs. I have made too big of a deal about it. Sorry, he really does do and help me in so many other ways and pays for every thing he can.

    I know that I have other pain issues besides fibro, the head ache went away as soon as my sinus's cleared up and I could breathe again.
    Thanks again for your thoughts.
  8. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    This is a place where we understand because we have it, too.

    I have the butt pain, too! I feel like I have been beat with a board, my butt & the backs of my legs hurt so bad. I thought I was alone in that particular pain until I mentioned it to a girl I know who also has FM & she has it, too! For some reason, it made me feel better to know I wasn't alone in this.

    I don't know if this will help and it is pretty temporary but it helps for a while. When I am @ the end of my rope with the pain, I close myself up in the bathroom and soak in a tub full of either Dr. Teals Soothing/Sleep Lavender Epsom Salts or the bubble bath. The lavender is a scent that I love & it is supposed to be restful. It is for me. I like to read in the tub but sometimes I just turn the lights low, put some soothing music on & soak for as long as I want.

    As I said, this is temporary but anytime that eases the pain is a plus for me!
    My DH knows he is not allowed to bother me when I am taking a bath! Lol!

    I don't talk about my pain too much because I don't want people to think I am a complainer. I don't have a lot of friends but I am lucky because the friends I have are good friends. My BFF & I go to an Amish village twice a year for our respective birthdays, we stay in a lovely Bed & Breakfast and shop but she knows that I sometimes can't do too much & we take frequent breaks. She lives in another state so those trips are our times we get to be together. Other than that, I don't have many girlfriends. I get lonely but that's what happens with this DD.

    Another thing I don't talk about is my pain medication. For one thing, when people know you have them, you open yourself up. I always host our family get togethers & one year my niece was bringing a new boyfriend. I keep my meds in a cabinet in the kitchen & that morning I just felt like I needed to move my Vicodin. I'm glad I did! Later, my sister told me that he called her @ home (we were meeting him for the 1st time) & asked her for a Vicodin (which she also takes for nerve damage), our niece must have told him she took them. We did not know @ the time that they were using drugs.

    My point is, the less people know, the better! Your daughters can't criticize if they don't know - and obviously, it wasn't evident since they didn't know when you didn't tell them.

    Keep your chin up - you are not alone. You can vent here as much as you want. Sometimes you just have to get it off your chest & venting here is safe. No one will think less of you.

    Hope you are feeling better!

  9. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am learning that I do talk too much about my pains and meds. I try not to discuss this at home with my family and friends. I Miss working, it has been almost 5 years since I have been on SSDI and yet there are days where I would give most any thing to just work again in the field I enjoy. I was a Dental ASsistant for many years.. I miss it alot and would love to be able to work again but it won't happen.

    Now my money goes to paying for scripts , doctor vists, dental vists, and paying off my glass's. I get a very small aount of SSDI and it only goes so far. My husband makes fairly good money but I was not taking into ac count the fact that he has tpye 1 diebetes and has a inssulin pump that costs alot of money to get up and get all the supplies. His insurance does not pay him for these suppies. His scripts cost far more than mine are going to cost next year. So when I look at it through clearer eye's I know that he trys to hlep me out as often as he can but he too has many bills to pay and his money only goes so far. I am thankful for all the support he does give me, he helps me out when he can and for that I am so thankful and gratefull.

    I miss buying my kids stuff as well and it hurts when my daughters tell me that I am cheap. I don't spend money one them and the grandbabies , i would really love to be able to buy them some of the things they need and want. It hurts so much not to be abel to do dthis for my family. I have learned why my hubby does not help me liek I want him too. But it is private between him and I and I should not have written about it in the first place. He has real reasons and I understand now that he would help me ou t if he could do so and still pay the bills he needs to pay.

    He is a good supportibve husband and I love him dearly. I am thankful for the help he gives me when he can. I miss working adn beign able to buy my girls things they would like adn I wou ld love to spend large amounts ooof money on my grandbabies but I can't . So I do what I can when I can.
    Thank you for your thoughtful post,