This should be the happiest time of my life but why isnt it?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BEARANDBUGSMOM, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    I am a stay at home mother of 2, a boy 3 and a half and a girl 2 and a half.(see profile!) I'm in such a brain fog that I dont even know how to express what I am feeling....I really feel like a terrible mother, I am always so tired and in pain and overweight, I have been a stay at home mom for about 3 years. My fibro/cfs has only gotten worse...I'm not the best mom that I could be. I feel like my children will resent me later in life. I take them to the play area in the mall as much as possible for them to play, since its too hot to play outside. I really appreciate you folks being here on this board, you understand how it feels. I don't have any friends because they would want to go out and do things and I am always too tired or in pain to go...I guess im groveling today and feeling sorry for myself. Even if I decide to go somewhere I always seem to turn the wrong direction in the car or I can't remember which way to go...this fibro fog makes me feel like im losing my mind...I try to say something and my mouth stops I cant think of the word that I want to say, it's like i have a 10 second delay!!

    I guess I'll stop whinning now.
    I'm really glad that you guy's are here!!
    Kelly
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Kelly:

    That is all you can do: the best you can do at any one particular time.

    I had fibro-fog a few days ago and posted somewhere about it. It might have been in a response.

    It does pass. Hang in there.

    nyrofan
  3. ANNXYZ

    ANNXYZ New Member

    you obviously place a high value on being a good MOM .
    I bet you are!!!! Stop and analyze what REALLY makes a GREAT mom. Lots of crummy Moms drag their kids to
    "fun " places . So what . I think you are feeling grief and sadness because you have lost the ability to be the old person you once were ( at least for now ) .


    There have been WONDERFUL moms who were not physically
    perfect and who had health challenges . Think about the important things that your kids REALLY need and you will see that despite your limitations , you can be a FANTASTIC mom ! You might want to list the important things that your children need :

    encouragement
    affirmation / approval
    intellectual stimulation- conversation , reading , some
    exploring trips
    unconditional love
    discipline and instruction on becoming a wise person
    help in forming a TRULY wise value system and strong character ( This is frequently overlooked )
    a good example of your own life for future reference

    I truly believe we can give our children the MOST important things even with crummy health . Our society has TOOOO many parents who view raising children as an extracurricular activity .

    It is normal to feel overwhelmed by feeling horrible .
    Just do not allow yourself to believe that you can not meet your children's needs .
    I will pray for you to have some encouragement with your health .

    Kelly , I had two small children when I was in great health . It was the most DRAINING time of my life !
    It is exhausting and neverending . Try not to have unrealistic expectations of yourself . If your children feel loved and secure , you are doing a good job !

    also , this illness causes clinical depression. That does not mean that you are an inferior Mom or person!
    If you sense that you are experiencing depression, do not hesitate to get help . Many of us here have seen our lives improved with meds and or counseling . ( I thank God daily for the meds ! )


    [This Message was Edited on 07/28/2006]
  4. loops1988

    loops1988 New Member

    Your children look sooooo happy and lovely in the photo so the chances of you being a bad mum is very low because you can tell by there faces they are happy bright kids who love there mum.

    They will realise when they are old enough that you have done your very best and trust me they will aprechiate you more.

    I hope i will do as good as you when i have children, I look after my 2 1/2 year old neice and 4 month old nephew most mornings and althought i am asleep and in pain for the rest of the day and night (in sooo much pain when i am with them but i manage to push it to the back of my head)
    My neice thinks i am more fun then her Mum (who has no health problems!!!) so that must show for something. Why not get some puzzles and just sit down on the floor with them and make a big fuss when they get it done - they will love it.

    Forgot what we talking about now and my eyes are hurting too much to look back

    Louise
  5. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I also have a problem with loosing what I'm going to say.

    It does not make you a bad mom.

    The way you talk you put your children first and Ill add what beautiful children they are.

    Your weight has nothing to do with it.Don't let your weight get you down.I went from a size 4 to a size 14 in a year .Hey I don't care it has stopped there and oh well this is me and if someone does not like it they do not need to be near me.

    You are a wonderful Mom.


    For Every Day A New Dawn Will Come.

    Hugs.........Sue
  6. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I am a Mom with 3 grown children .I was not DX with CFS/FM until all my kids were adults but I know I've had this for years . They all are good people no drugs ,no drunks no big problems.They all survived .I did my job.

    I'll tell you your children need lots of hugs and kisses and special time where you talk about stuff according to age level.They need time alone with you setting on a swing or just in the back yard.

    Kids really only need a lot of love. They usually donot resent a parent unless a parent resents them. Kids learn what we live.Use your illness to teach compassion for people that are different.Teach them about children with disablitys.

    You are a good person let your children learn you are human.I'm sure you are a good mom because good moms always look for ways to get better at being a mom.

    Take care of yourself ,teach them that is ok ,so they will not deal with guilt about putting themselfs first sometimes.

    There is alot we can teach, that you can focus on things that are not so draining to you. Reading your children a book can take them around the world and you dont have to leave your chair.






  7. butterfly99

    butterfly99 New Member

    What i remeber most about my mom was not how much she ran around, how many places we went or how many things she gave us, I remember most about my mom was her smile, sitting on the ground coloring with us or coloring on the side walk, her laughing and smiling at us when we played in the sprinkler. the little thing children remember the most, hugs and kisses!!! the best!! you are there mom and they will pick up how u feel about yourself so remember u are the most important thing in thier lives no matter how u feel . your children will also learn empathy for people who are not well and that will make them even more loving adults. You are AWSOME!!!! look in the mirror and tell yourself I AM AWSOME!!! your kids already know so:):)

    hugs and love
    Amy
  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Oh, sweetie, I know you are doing the very best you can. Have you told your children that you are ill? Just love them and do the best you can.

    I had my two grandsons (5 and 7) for 2 weeks last month and it just about killed me. I'm still in a terrible flare from that time. I don't know how you moms with FMS and CFIDS do it. I know it must be so hard. I tried really hard with my grandboys not to be a grouchy granny and I pushed myself so much so that they would have a great time. I can't imagine doing it full time.

    I'm sure your children know that you love them. Take care of yourself.

    Lolalee
  9. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about brain fog. Went to the library yesterday.

    (Took 3 tries to type "library" right.) Anyway I got on the wrong freeway. We all know how that goes.

    When I was a kid no one ever said: I love you. Good job. Sit down by me. I'm glad to see you.

    Never got a hug or a kiss. Just nagging and criticism.

    You tell me. Do you have to be in perfect health to do those things?

    So maybe you're doing a better job than you thought.
  10. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    One thing you are showing is how much you care. That is being a great mom. You are in my prayers & thiughts..
  11. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Well I guess we all feel like this, then I see very fit and active moms who don't even bother taking their kids to play so don't worry, plus this heat is a drag for sure.

    The mere fact you are worried about this shows what a good mom you are. Just human is all.

    Love ANNE cROMWELL
  12. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    Thank you all so much for the support I was feeling really depressed yesterday, today is a little better! I'm so glag you folks are here, reading these responses help so much!!

    ((((HUGS)))) to all!!
    Kelly
  13. ANNXYZ

    ANNXYZ New Member

    this way " T- I -M- E " .
  14. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    You are getting a lot of good feedback from others here, and I know I'm going to go "off topic" here, but I looked at your profile picture to see your adorable little kids, and also read that your Mom has diabetic neuropathy----and it sounds like it's affecting HER quality of life. So I just wanted to mention this...

    My husband has had diabetic neuropathy pain for several years; he used to run, hike & walk for exercise (always good for diabetics, of course) but the pain, and "on-fire" feeling in his feet got so bad he had to stop all of that. Recently his doctor talked to him about starting Effexor (one of the anti-depressants also clinically shown to help neuropathy---Cymbalta is another, all ADs are NOT recommended for this). Anyway, the long & short of it is, he started Effexor and it was like a light switch turning off the pain!! Literally within the first 24 hours he had about a 90-95% improvement, and it has continued. He now hikes, walks nightly and is about to start running again (he's 55).

    Anyway, I just wanted to mention this as something your Mom might want to at least think about, as she can't help you with your kids or enjoy much quality of life if SHE'S always in pain. My husband initially thought, but I don't want to take an AD, with its side effects, etc. but now his only thing is regretting that he wasted several years in pain, and didn't take it sooner---BTW, he has had no side effects, just a huge reduction in pain.

    I admire you for doing the job with two kids so close together in age---that's tough and exhausting on WELL Moms, as someone mentioned. Hang in there, they DO grow older & get a little more self-sufficient every day.

    Anyway, I just wanted to mention the Effexor---any time I see "diabetic neuropathy" in a post or profile, I want to let folks know what a night & day difference it made...

    (((Gentle Hugs for You)))
    Pam





    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2006]