The never ending of this pain and the disacknowledgment of it and the stopping of treament for it and or drawn out to months at a time one little test here and there to try to find out what it is all coming from....is my true life nightmare. I am on the verge of complete mental collapse, even as I type this, but now when I go to an ER, they try to get me in the mental ward only. The pain is so bad and in so many parts of my body all at once, I just feel like I could pass out. I am loading up on Lorazepam today. Even my kidneys have been hurting the last two days and talk about sweats and chills. It's like a 24 hour flu with that horrible body pain running through your entire body. And my upper intestinal tract feels like it is pumping bile or some other poison all through me. Burning me from the inside out. Shocking and tensing my entire body. It feels like my nerve system is damaged and I feel everything 3 times more powerfully than normal and I really do have diagnosed tedonitis which makes my shoulders, arms, forearms, wrists, hands, hips, thighs, knees, calves and ankles just kill me with pain 24/7 and they are so weak I can't stand on my feet for more than 15 to 30 mintues. I can't do one push up. When I try to do exercises my body screams in pain for days in these areas. I have never been in a psych ward in my entire 55 year long life till last week when my body pain had driven me to tears and a breakdown. The psyche ward nurse came down to the ER in our local hospital and told me that if I volunteered to go into the mental health department that this could be a back door for having all my pain and diagnosed body ailment issues looked at again after they were intially looked at one year ago but are worse now and no doctor will schedule me for a second year look at these. An ER doctor even came and told me in this preinterview he wanted to X-Ray my upper body again. Great! Lets do it. But after I signed in to the PW a doctor did come in and interviewed me again, but never got back to me. They never brought up these physical exams again! Later, When I called this department to ask why I was never physically examined as I was told I would be..the staff member said that this doctor determined that all my ailments and pain issues could be looked at on the outside on my own! But he never told me this. That's been my problem! Trying to get this done on the outside has so piece meal and drawn out ( while I suffer for months on the verge of screaming out in pain ) and refused so much, that's why I went to the hospital! You see the insanity of all this? I felt tricked into going into the PW. Even the ER doctor told me he wanted to X-ray my upper body after he read my ailment list. But he never came back and that never happened. I am in a nightmare twilight zone so scary right now. I am in such physical pain I could just throw myself on the steps of Stanford or UCLA and say "Please, Please, look at everything again and try to help me with this torturous pain." But unless I had a million dollars and told them this, I am afraid I would be picked up by the security people and thrown into the psyche ward. If I had that much money though, guess what? They'd be glad to do what otherwise they are saying they can't do. Having that much cash makes what I am asking for seem logical and reasonable and doable enough. My lack of cash makes what I am asking for seem crazy from their viewpoint. Funny how lots of money can make crazy things all of a sudden be looked at and described as reasonable. In my 54 previous years, this scenario would never have seemed believable to me, ever. I have been married 25 years, raised a family, worked all my life. Never a problem with drugs, liquor, law or hospitals. Never saw a psychiatrist in my life. But now, I am in this unbelievable scary place of suffering yet being treated like a mental patient. I am telling you all, this is just a nightmare. I wonder how much longer I can handle this. The world seems crazy...and yet, so many I go to for help in the medical community just keep inferring that it is I who is acting crazy. Somehow, my heart and mind and faith just keep telling myself that I am not crazy. I have just been afflicted with some body toruring illness that they can't find. And that acting frantic and desperate and rushed and even mannic and shaking, when it derives from real phsyical torture ...is not craziness. Whew! Bed and Lorazepam, here I come.