Tired of unsupportive sister

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ChungieDolor, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member


    There was a time when I could not walk, let alone get out of bed. Improvements vary each day, and I take about 10 meds and some supplements. They put me on Meth recently since that horrid insurance some of us have, has a cap. Almost fainted the other day going to my docs appt. My husband picked me up, and the unsupportive sister asked why I was not taken to the hospital. This is one of her sarcastic responses, that I can not stand. Oh, can she be mean!

    Anyways, my sister has not called to see how I am doing. I was suppose to have Mom for the weekend and was NOT FEELING WELL AT ALL! ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHEN YOU WANT TO CALL AN AMBULANCE because you feel like dying!!! Right now, I am extremely fatigued from the med change, but had to put this message on the board for some moral support.

    I have had enough with this uncaring sister! We are four years apart and were very close. I have another sister and we are 16 apart. It was like a roller coaster with her, but our relationship has changed in a positive way lately.

    Could not have a better husband, very fortunate, but we have our moments as well. Everything is not perfect. Mom has moderate Alzs, and still knows who we are. There used to be a time when I was only able to call her by phone due to this dd. But I have on occasion been able to have Mom over for the weekend or more. I am doing the best that I can!

    I am sorry about this pity story. I understand that having mom in her home with a caregiver is extremely stressful. But hello, I have this dd, that I have no control over, and doc saids it has gotten worse!

    Awhile back a clinical social worker and a bereavement counselor from my dads hospice told me that my sisters, and others may never understand fms.

    This has bothered me for awhile, and know I need to see a counselor again to cope with this matter. Mom has been in and out of the hospital. I have had these horrible flare ups and adverse effects from new meds and getting off old ones. Etc.....

    I used to cry forever about this issue, but have managed to develop a little spine. So sad that some of us have to go through this, isn't it enough that we have to endure this DD!!!!!and have to deal with this too!

    Sincerely

    Chungiedolor

    Thank you for listening! Anything that has helped you would be appreciated! Talking just gets us in an argument. I have also sent them the non=believers letter, nada!
  2. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Chungiedolor

    I have often said that you can chose you friends but not your relatives.

    I had FM for almost 30 years before I was finally diagnosed. My sister never understood that I was ill and kept telling me that I needed to get a job, when I was working she would tell me I needed to do even more. She is a very bossy person who believes her way is the only way.

    After I quit my last job because I was so ill, I still didn't have a diagnosis yet, my sister phoned me one day and told me that if I didn't get off my A** and get out of the house and get a job my family was going to end up on welfare.

    Of course I as scared and worried about our financial situation but this kind of advice didn't help. I started crying and hung up the phone. 2 hours later when my husband came home I was sitting in the dark staring at the wall too tired and worn out from crying and feeling extremely depressed.

    That was when we came to the conclusion together that I needed to stop talking to any of my relatives who were just making my situation worse. If my sister phoned my husband would tell her that I was in bed or had a migraine and wouldn't let her talk to me.

    After I finally got my diagnosis and my disability my sister and I had it out once and for all. She sent me a job posting in an email. I wrote back and asked her why she was still pushing me to get a job when she knew I was sick? She said well I thought you would enjoy it and it would make you feel better!!!

    I said that people don't get awarded disability just because they ask for it. You have to prove that you are unable to do any kind of work and that maybe she could understand that I can't work, at all!

    WE are in the process of rebuilding some sort of relationship but it is difficult.

    hugs Redwillow
  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I have an ex. MIL that is just the same way! Unfortunately I have my family in another country, and this sweet lady is the only family around. I am stuck with it, since she is the grandmother of my daughter and I have to interract some.

    If it wasn't for my daughter I would have told her to shove a bamboo where the sun don't shine.

    You have your husband, and he seems supportive and understanding. It's rude of your sister to not hear or believe you, or educate herself about your DD. Give her the boot.

    Many hugs!
  4. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I understand, totally.

    I don't have any siblings, but most of my relatives don't understand, and don't communicate with me. There are three who do, and we talk by phone every so often. Another one was supportive, I thought, but the last time he visited me he took me through the house and pointed out all the dusty places,and berated me. I tried to explain, but he didn't get it. I have not been so humiliated or so treated, since I was a child. Needless to say, I won't be inviting him back soon.

    So, now I see no one from my family. I'm in the mountains, where my Dr. told me to move to, and sometimes feel very separated, like you.

    I'm glad you have your wonderful hubby. I have a couple of friends.

    What has helped me is meditating, this message board, and funny TV and movies. I've tried to find a spiritual purpose for my life, and that has helped.

    I also belong to several groups that work for peace, and although I can't join in bodily, I can pray and be with them in spirit.I feel better when I know what's going on, and what people are doing to help make the world better.

    Good luck to you, and, remember, that we are here.
    Hugs,
    Terry
  5. sugarluv

    sugarluv New Member

    My sister and I are fraternal twins. We are like night and day. She is superwomen!!! Of course, we have some issues. I don't think she really understands the weakness I feel just walking across the room!!! She works, has two kids and never stays home!!! We don't have a mother to speak of (long story) so we only have each other.
    I rarely leave the house. I know I disappoint her and that bothers me. The best I can hope for is to go into a remission and be able to have a more normal life. I really appreciate this thread because at this time this issue with my sister is one of the biggest problems in my life!!!
  6. leubie

    leubie New Member

    I do not have any great advice-----------I just hope you will know that WE ARE HERE------------ not the same as your sister-----------but the people here are very caring and understanding------------------I do not post alot-------------------repond some--------------but do log on everyday----------please feel free to contact me ANYTIME---AND VENT,VENT AND VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care and stay in touch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOVE TO ALL---------------LAURA
  7. Prunella

    Prunella New Member

    Boy did this catch my eye!!! My sister has never understood and thinks everything can be solved by seeing a counselor.

    Fortunately she lives in another state, but is furious because I don't come visit her. Well, I finally made the 7 hr drive to visit her and was very sick on that trip. When I asked her a few times if my daughter (who was a new driver) and I could ride along in their car (they had room), she said "No.". We had to drive and navigate by ourselves. They wouldn't even let us follow them. They just gave us some quick, vague directions. You would think she would let someone who is not feeling well ride along with them. There is much more, but I will stop here. (Gee, wonder why we don't visit them more often?!?!?)

    This sister and I were like best friends growing up. This really makes me sad. My other sister tries to understand. It really hurts when someone you love and care for treats you like this. Even the pictures I took of her on that trip have her scowling at me.

  8. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    This has been very hard for me. I left a message with my counselor before getting on. I have been in bed due to the withdrawals and a zilion other things we have to deal with? Reading all your responses helps, and also saddens me that we have had to take this! My counselor gave me this writing that basically said we should not live by others comments or beliefs.

    I'm sorry, but I can not stop crying! I miss my Dad dearly. His 1st anniversary was in August. He was my best friend. I was the black sheep of the family, and D was Moms favorite.
    I got over the favortism with mom and D in my twenties.

    This sister, we will call her(D), and I were very close since childhood, and it really breaks my heart! I cry because I can not see my Mom that much, and cry because I can not help enough. Most of all, I cry because this is finally the last rollercoaster ride! I can no longer take it!

    My husband called her on Friday to tell her about my situation and all she could say is that she had not slept in 3 days because of my mother. I understand that it is a great challenge to help someone with alzs. Trust me, I feel so bad about that. If I was not sick they know I would help in any way possible.

    I called (D) on Saturday to apologize for not taking Mom, but the ans machine answered, not surprised. I believe a few of you hit it on the mark about their personalities. (d) thinks she knows everything, is never wrong, and feels that I have not tried everything for this dd. She talks sarcastically to me, and we are never in agreement. She does not believe I have tried everything to help myself! Well, I have a garbage bag of meds that didn't work, like the rest of you, and have tried acupun, chirop, massage therapy to name a few. Lyrica did not work, so for the last year I have been on and off meds, withdrawals, severe fatigue, you name it, but no....I am able to have my mom over when I have sick! Will never believe this til I die! I pray to my dad and God for strength, that I get over this.

    I love you all for responding, I feel so so sad....! Thank you! Oh, by the way, thanks for the spoons letter. Sent that to both sisters when both were intolerable, and it did nothing to change their minds.

    Oh, by the way my sister (D) would cry to me when she gets into arguments with her buddies at work, who cares about your own sister!!!!! Forgot another one, I basically told her what I was going through for the millionth time, and she screamed at the top of her lungs to shut up, that she did not want to hear it anymore. I called my other sister since I was concerned she would get into an accident. My other sister called back and said everything was ok and not to worry about it? Lots more has happened in the past, a lot more!

    SIncerely
    Chungiedolor
    [This Message was Edited on 10/16/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/16/2006]
  9. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    Today is another day and much better, Just want to thank everyone for their responses and know I am not alone.

    I told my husband that I was tired of it all, and not willing to talk to (d) again. I notice that everytime she belittles me or we get into arguments, I just feel worse.

    May God help her and every one else that has icy veins!

    Sincerely
    chungiedolor

    P.S. Otherwise, I am not normally this somber kind of person! I love to laugh!!!